drunk and blogging

This is my first blog in a drunken state. To give u guys an idea of how much I got drunk, here are the details of my alcoholic intake tonight till a little while ago - 3 Smirnoff Large Pegs and 3 Taquila Shots. As most of my daaroobaaz friends told me today as I was drinking all this - this is really heavy drink. Most guys would collapse under this heavy level of drunkennes. But it is not so with me. It is not for no reason that I am called a tanki by some of my friends.

I remember the first time I drank. It all started due to Alok Srivastava...
Taking a room in C1L was definitely not a sensible decision. But given the choices of wings that we were supposed to write in the notice, and given the fact that nobody liked us ground floor sophies, and given also the fact that nobody wanted to enter C1L despite the fact that it was the wing of the famous poltu Alok Srivastava - Anshu pandey and I opted for C1L.

A day before the wing treat, Alok had a long conversation with me. He asked me - 'will u drink if i ask u to?'...i said "no...it is wrong, and I won't do it, coz I know for sure that it is wrong"...the next day was the treat...I drank, mostly coz I was afraid Alok might get angry ....and so did Anshu Pandey....but I liked the effect, though it was just red wine...

And thus was born a new shaksiyat...sridhar - the bewda...

I discovered I had a huge drinking potential...I cud drink a lot....without getting drunk...

Once during H6 Valfi, I mixed a lot of neat vodka and whiskey...and the result, I lost all senses...puked...and gave gaali's to my 1st year room-mate Ati Nikhil for a long time....and also banged my junior Vivek Rammurthy's door and gave him fundaes on good interaction with seniors, juniors and batchmates...though I don't remember a word either of the gaalis or the fundaes...

Got rid of Alok Srivastava at the end of my 3rd year. Then moved to C2R, and got some very good daaru mates like Verma Ji, Prade and Jhha. It was always fun drinking with them at SP. Prade never drank, but he was great company.

Taquilas are late to act....I can feel them doing something to me right now...these days treats generally comprise my IIT batchmates...we go to some good restaurant aani bar in Aundh, Pune and drink to our heart's content...talking about our careers, girls, and each other...

over and out!!!!!!

Screwed another CAT!!!

Another CAT, another disappointment, another bad day, and another period of deep introspection. This year the CAT exam was different in many ways. Firstly it had only 75 questions. A very very easy quant section (comprising 25 questions of course) was another surprising feature. But the deadliest of the sections was the english one - though frankly I, unlike most other examinees, was mostly clear with my answer choices. I got most of them wrong though...haha...23 attempts, 16 wrong in english as per the answer key posted online by TIME.

It's more than 48 hours and still even the experts from various coachings are not unanimous about the answers. Just got news that someone filed a Public Interest Litigation under the Right to Information Act asking the IIMs to publish the answer-key in papers. That does make sense. Every year there have been a few questions whose answers have been a point of great discussion and without a final agreement on which is the correct one. And this year, probably, there are more such questions than ever before - at least in English. (Well, wonder whether the last statement was a Fact, Inference or Judgement!!! :P )

After 3 attempts at "belling" the CAT and another when the paper leaked in 2003-04 (didn't do any good in that one as well), I am fed up of this exam. I always get screwed up in english. Sala decent bol leta hoon...itna kaafi nahi hai kya? What do they want...Lit-Studs? So that they create more of those painful "I'm an MBA - I know everything" kind of guys, who don't know what they talk...make a contraption out of their speeches, so that nobody questions them? A few are good, of course...but most of them - line mein khada karke - DHISHKAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!

The traditional Indian mindset of looking for stamps and "thappaas" is still very much there - an IIT Stamp, an IIM Stamp, and the latest - an ISB Stamp - which is whoppingly costly for no good reason. Though our BSchools produce a lot of output, it's no wonder that they still don't produce many entrepreneurs. Lots of grads from even the premier Indian BSchools, the current students and even the aspirants still see MBA as just a licence (a la Licence Raj) for a high-salary job. It is understandable, for capitalism is new in India, and old habits die hard. It's too early to expect to see candidates who don't bluff but have genuine reasons to do MBA, who don't mug up numbers and simply blurt - “IT Industry constitutes x % of our GDP” - but who have a vision that defines the future...“thought leaders” as some people call them...at least, we need “thinking leaders”...seriously.

Phir LaajVanti

Laajvanti, my dream-girlfriend, is very sharmeeli. Angrezi mein Shy. It's weird, Hindi has one word for both shyness and shame - sharm.

"Sharm aani chahiye tumhe" => You should be ashamed of yourself.
"Mujhe Sharm aa rahi hai" => I am feeling shy.

That's amazing. Wonderful!!!

So out of the two, Laajvanti is "Shy". But not so much as I am. There's an interesting thing about shy people. Meet someone who is less shy than you and you start u'r dadagiri and try to intimidate that person in whatever manner possible.

Kal shaam we went on a date to Besant Nagar Beach. Such a confused person I am, particularly when I am with a girl. From the moment I picked her up from her house, apun ka dimaag chalna band ho gaya.

I reached Laajo's house at around 6.00 PM IST on my Honda Activa. I had ensured that there was enough petrol for a reasonably long ride. I also got the skooty repaired. Kahin kuch band ho gaya to izzat kee whaat lag jayegi saalaa. With so much difficulty I could get Laajo to agree for a date with me...

It was Friday Evening. Laajo was playing solitaire on her desktop as usual. My cubicle is luckily the one adjacent to hers. All guys in my company, bachelors and married alike, are jealous of me. I get to sit so close to the damsel, who can make even Gods nervous and Goddesses jealous...what else could I ask for from the almighty. But this was not enough, according to my friend Bagga. 10 times everyday, he'd ask me the same question..."Saale, kuch kiya kya?"...I hated him...after my usual "nahi yaar"...his next dialog wud be - "Doob Marr saale".

Dekha jaaye to Bagga had a point. 6 months, and I cud hardly ever say a proper Hi to her. God, why you made me like this. Mai aisa kyon hoon Bhagwaan...

But on that friday, which was also Good Friday, I decided to ask her out.

Me - Laajo Ji, kal aap kya karr rahi hain?

Laajo - Kuch Nahi, Kyon?

Me - Waah, mai bhi kuch nahi karr raha...

Just at this point something happened. My body was going out of control. My fingers started shivering. My lips started shivering. It was getting difficult to get any word out. It was getting difficult to smile. My voice started breaking. Laajo noticed everything...Still kept looking straight into my eyes. Shit, when was it going to end, was my only worry.

Me - Kal aap mere saath beach pe baithengi kya?

God! That was not at all the way I actually wanted to ask.

Laajo - What do you mean?

I tried to gather some confidence, stopped smiling, coz that made my lips shiver more...and said...

Me - Aise hee, ham baith ke baatein karenge...If you don't like, then it's ok...

Laajo - Arey nahi nahi, that's fine...Mai bhi bore ho jaati hoon...isee bahaane kuch timepass bhi ho jaayega...And I will get to know you better...We sit so close, but never interact a lot...Bagga ko bhi le chalein?

What should be the right answer to this question? I was wondering. Bagga would be a definite Kabaab mein Haddi.

Me - Bagga ko ye sab pasand nahi...ghoomna ghaamna, baatein karna, aur ladkiyon ke saath baahar jana.

Meri saans atak gayee. Bagga kya sochega? Maine dost kee peeth mein chhoora bhonk diya...I made a mental note, that I would explain to Bagga how important it was to get him out of the way...he should understand...dost hai na...

Laajo - Ok

Me - ok then, mai kal 6.30 ko tumhe lene aaunga. Ready rehna...

I was building up a lot of confidence. Gosh, life mein ladki ho to confidence aise hee badh jata hai...I realized.

Laajo came out of the house in a blue salwar kameez.

Laajo - Itni jaldi aa gaye tum!

I had brought a pink rose for her. RamBharose had advised me that red rose bole to poora love, so pink rose paile dene ka...it shows that you love the lady but what she feels is more important for you...the theory made sense...but not sure if Laajvanti would take it the same way.

I gave her the rose...

Laajo - Oh, it's so sweet. Even I got something for u.

I had both my hands in my pocket so that she couldn't notice them shivering.

Laajo - Haath aage badhao.

I kept staring at her, and smiling. She looked stunning that day.

Laajo - Hello, Mr Tube Light, Mr YoU Tube, haath aage badhao.

She clapped twice, like a chhakka. Mai hosh mein aaya.

Me - Sorry, Kya kaha tumne?

Laajo - Maine kaha haath aage badhao...Stupid.

Maine apna haath aage badhaya, my palm was shivering so much, as if I was standing naked in Antartica.

Laajo - Ye headfone tumhare liye. Wow, tumhare haath to dance karr rahe hain...Ab ye laga ke office mein suno apne "sarkaye leyo khatiya" type ke gaane...uff you play them so loud...ek lady baaju mein baithi hai iska bhi khayaal nahi?

Usne meri le lee...Sharm (Shame) se meri aankhein jhuk gayee.

Laajo - Ollele, don't be so embarrassed. It's ok...ab chalein?

The date started. Since Laajo wore a salwar suit, she sat with both her legs to the left in a very feminine way, with one hand on my shoulder...her right hand on my right shoulder. Her perfume was very seductive. Mujhe raaste mein kuch nahi dikh raha tha.

Laajo - Pehle Pani Puri khayenge, fir u'll buy me a baloon, then we will sit on the beach and eat nuts...ok?

wow, she had planned everything.

Me - Yes Yes...whatever u say.

I shouted from inside the helmet. Laajo did some gud-gudi on my right shoulder with her right hand. I applied the breaks, it gave a sudden jhhatka...Laajo was pushed closer by the Pseudo or Inertial Force.

Laajo - hmmm, dhyaan nahi hai tumhara driving pe...naughty!

We reached the beach. I stopped at Yadav Pani Puri Wala's stall. Yadav knew me very well as I used to eat his pani puri almost every day. I liked his nature. He was very friendly, and was an expert at making pani puri exactly as per your taste.

Laajo - Kya hua, yahaan kyon roka?

Me - Pani Puri wala.

Laajo - Yahaan bahut unhigienic hai. I won't eat here.

Me - But he makes very good pani puri.

Laajo - chup raho, tumhe kuch nahi pata. Yahaan khaoge to beemar padoge, samjhe. I know one pani puri wala at the chaupati - Kishen. Wahaan bahut saaf suthra hai. Waheen khayenge. Chalo.

I obeyed. Yadav gave a sad smile. I knew that guy kishen also. His pani puris are costlier, and don't taste very good. And he doesn't care whether u like them or not. But how could I say no to Laajo...I obeyed...

Me - Whatever u say MaM.

Laajo - Haan Haan, bahut badmaash ho gaye ho...

I didn't understand why she said so. Was she flirting? Anyway, we went on towards the chaupati. She gave another gud-gudi at my shoulder...I applied a sudden break again...and God, I love this Pseudo Force.

Laajo ate 1 plate Pani Puri at Kishen's thela. I ate 2. I didn't have a hanky to wipe my hands. I put my hands in my pocket for a while, as Laajo was busy tying her hair. Hands dry! I pulled out my hands and paid for the panu puri.

I bought a DIL shaped baloon, a red one, from a shop near by...Laajo blushed...

Laajo - Hmmmm...you are so sweet.

I gave it to her. I blushed. Then I tried to look into her eyes. They were beautiful.

We walked nearer to the shore, and sat on the sand at a safe distance, from water and from each other. A boy selling nuts passed by. I bought some nuts for 5 rupees. The boy smiled looking at me and Laajo, as he pocketted the money and went away. I kept the nuts pack in my hand, so that I could keep offering nuts to Laajo once in a while.

Laajo - Do you have a girl-friend?

Did I look like I had one? Guys with GF's are so confident. I guess she just wanted to embarrass me with that question.

Me - No. Here, have these (nuts)...

She took one.

Laajo - Why?

Me - I don't know...yet to meet my kind of gal I suppose...

Laajo - What'll u'r kind of gal be like?

I didn't have an answer to this question. Sometimes every girl seemed to be of my kind. Sometimes none. I was so confused. How could I say any gal would do. All this confusion resulted in a very sad and confused expression...Laajo noticed it...and totally misinterpreted it.

Laajo - well, I can understand...I've had my share of heart-breaks.

Women are excellent empathizers, sympathizers and I love this quality in females. But how could I tell her that she got me totally wrong at this. Anyway, it was nice to be heart-broken than to be a guy who'd never had a girl-friend.

Laajo - Ok, let's talk something else. Have you seen Vivah? I just loved it.

Me - Yes I have, Amrita is sexy in it.

Laajo - (smiling) You guys cannot think of anything else.

Then for 45 minutes, Laajo kept talking about herself, how much she loved her work, why her boss Chaman Lal was a nice guy, why Rampyari was a bitch, about her goals and ambitions, why she never replied to any scrap on orkut, why she didn't even put a pic on her orkut profile, why she wore a blue salwar suit that day, why she thought I was an intelligent guy, all the good things she noticed about me, and what she liked about Bagga.

The last one made me very jealous. I told her about all the bad qualities Bagga had - that he was into drugs for some time, that he didn't respect any woman, that he never did his work properly and was always doing something on icicidirect.com. Surprisingly, whatever I said about Bagga seemed to turn her on. She went on laughing. I could hold it no longer...I said it...and not at all in style...

Me - Laajo, I love you.

Laajo - what? Are you nuts?

Me - No really I mean it...aur aaj mujhe baar baar ek hi khayaal aa raha hai...

Laajo - Kya?

Me - Will you be my timepass?

Picked this up from the movie Kya Kool Hain Hum...it seemed to have worked in the movie...just tried it...u always have Sense of Humor for an excuse...but the look on Laajo's face showed that she didn't like it even a bit...and I guess she didn't think any good about my sense of humor either...

Laajo - HuH! Are you ok?

I tried to repair the damage with some Shahrukh Khan stuff. Ritiesh Deshmush is never too reliable for female fundaes. I regretted that I tried him first...

Me - Yes, I have never been okier. When I am with you, I feel like I am at my best. You make me want to be a good man. I love you, and I will give you all the good things in life. I will kiss you each day 20 times. I will take you to all the most beautiful places on earth. I will bring stars and moon to your feet. We will marry. We will have kids. 2 kids. Raja and Rani. They will grow up and each will produce kids of his/her own. We will have grandkids. I will love you even when you grow fat after marriage. Each day of your life will be happier than any previous day. I will keep you away from all the things you dislike. I will take all u'r pains. If you die before I do, I will not re-marry and will spend the rest of my life in your sweet memories. If I die before u do...then...

I got confused...what should happen then?

Laajo - then?

I thought for a long while...dimaag chal hee nahi raha tha saala...the problem was, how can I do anything after my death. So there will be nothing in my hands if I die before.

Me - I think that's a bad situation. Better hai you die before I do.

Laajo - you are sick.

Me - Arrey, you missed the logic...I didn't mean you should die before...arey samjho...

Laajo - Mujhe kuch nahi samajhna. I am going. Fir kabhi mujhse baat mat karna. Maine tumhe kya samjha tha aur tum kya nikle. Sharm (shame) aani chahiye tumhe.

Me - Maine aisa kya karr diya? Suno to.

Why was she so angry. I said so many good things. Only on one I got confused. Uski itni badi saza? I couldn't take her nakhra any longer.

Me - (held her left hand) Tum aise nahi jaa sakti.

She slapped me with her right hand.

Laajo - Auto Auto

She shouted to an auto on the road. She ran, sat in that auto and went away.

Never propose to a girl on the first date. And if you get confused in front of girls and are overly driven by logic...and are afraid of the after-effects...and u'r nervousness is clearly visible...never propose to a girl by standing right in front of her...let love letters serve the purpose...

I finished the nuts and went home.