Some SochVichaar on Business Networking

Business people are a funny lot. They are called Entrepreneurs. (The word is not pronounced as it is spelt. You have to try many times before you get the pronunciation correct the first time.) It is said that Entrepreneurship is all about Networking. Even a few entrepreneurs have told me that.

I attended the Pan-IIT meet last year. I wrote in one of my earlier posts about all of my blunders in the event. That was a surprize addition to the event by me, coz the Prime Minister could not attend it. The 3-day meet was actually meant for Business Networking. The meet was attended by many big-shots who had founded companies and many small-shots who wanted to or were just getting started. So the kids were after the uncles (very few aunties) hoping for business opportunities, monetary support, ideas or simply a pat on the back. Plus a relationship, that could be useful at some stage.

I was new to all this drama. Like everything new does on the first time I do it, Business Networking also made me nervous. I didn't have any intentions to network. I am normally one of those guys who think big and do nothing. Confident people and girls frighten me. But life is a continuous struggle to overcome one's fears and weaknesses. So just for the sake of it, I started doing what the intelligentsia called Business Networking.

One should not mix Business Networking and Social Networking, though. The latter is done only for fun, finding friends, meeting interesting people, make booze buddies, sex buddies, etc. Business Networking is more focussed at expanding ones Business Opportunities.

Since it was my first time, I had to observe how people were doing the Networking thing. My friend Prashant was with me too. Except for all the knowledge that he possessed about everything they write about in the Economic Times, he and I were more or less at the same level of uselessness. I spoke better English. He had better topics to talk about and more information to keep talking, but talking he was bad at.

We saw that those who network for business keep lots of business-cards to distribute. Being from Indian Oil, Prashant sucked all Sarkari suvidhaas and so had a big bunch of cards too. My company also provided such cards if I asked for those, but I had never cared to. This is another of my problems. I feel a little shy and awkward doing what I feel big people do, until I am convinced that I am big enough to do it, which happens when people younger than me start doing it. And there are a few things which are subconsciously categorized as big-people's things in my mind. It is a dynamic list and things get added and removed with time and experience, and based on the above criterion. Somehow I need to rid my mind of such a list and such way of looking at things, and understand that now I am big enough to do all kinds of things. Need to fix my head. Shaving off the hair didn't help much.

So with your Business Cards stuffed somewhere in your clothes from where you can easily pull one out (not a bad idea to keep the cards in something nice), you have to roam around and meet people (i.e., in a setting like the Pan-IIT meet, which is exclusively meant for Business Networking.) There'll never be a dearth of people to meet, and you will always find someone standing alone. The kind of people you go to is decided by the kind of person you are and how good you are at identifying the kind of people you would enjoy talking to or need to talk to. After some time, in most situations, all extroverts would be talking to each other and all introverts would be talking to each other. Both may be having great business skills, but this is where a personality issue does come in. Introverts do open up to each other, but are more honest, sensitive and respectful. Intermingling happens, but to a small extent. Introverts find themselves dominated by extroverts, and so often avoid their direct informal company.

So you meet someone, shake hands, introduce yourself, listen carefully to the other guy's introduction and exchange cards. Now you have to make a decision whether this guy is worth spending some time with. If you decide he is, then you have to very smartly build up a conversation in the direction of your interest. Needless to say, you must be clear and confident in what you are saying. If he isn't worth all that, then just move on and meet someone else. Of course, the same line of reasoning goes on in the other guy's mind too. He has his interests to take care of, based on which he will take his decisions and act accordingly. It makes sense to listen to him if he tries to build up a conversation and you have nothing of your own to force on him. If you find his points and direction of thought interesting and useful to you, then stay, otherwise, nature can call any time. Or simply move on, saying "It's nice meeting you! Will see you again!" You may add a small invitation saying - "Do look me up when you come to Hyderabad next time.", though it may not mean anything if nothing is working out. It would just sound courteous. But then, who knows, when someone could be of help in future. Isn't this what networking is all about? Not all of it is of immediate use to you. But these contacts may help you in future as you explore new territories.

Some do's and don'ts. Be neat, dress well and use a good perfume. Act confident, yet simple, down to earth and humble. Speak very very nicely to the ladies. Greet them with the best of your smiles and don't look anywhere except into their eyes. Display a good sense of humour in the conversations but don't crack stupid jokes. Don't be too stylish in the way you eat, drink and carry yourself, but you should follow the basic etiquette in everything. Don't drink a lot if liquour is also being served. Just drink a little to smoothen your mood, if you like. Stay calm and confident. If you drink in excess and start talking shit, you will only seem irresponsible and immature. Nobody would want to have a business relationship with someone with such first impression. If you are not sure how a particular dish is to be eaten and you think you may make a mess of it, then better don't take it. You are not there to hog free and tasty food. Eat light. Focus on your purpose and keep your eyes on your targets.

Try it out and let me know how it goes. Please send me any queries that you may have. I would be happy to help. I have never done any real Business Networking though!!! :D :P :-)

Fly-Zip

For 5 weeks, I was the Program Manager - Child Rights in an NGO. I became a big guy. Sala mai to saab ban gaya!!! Everyone was doing Salaam Namaste to me, even people double my age. I found it hard to make a serious thinking face those 5 weeks. I once visited schools to check whether the lady teachers were teaching properly. I was their big boss. Everyone seemed so happy on seeing me. All the Mams, the kids, everyone. I was so glad my visit brought smiles to their faces. All the ladies said that my visit made them very happy and asked me to keep visiting. I felt like a charmer. When I came back to my office after the visit, a guy took me to a corner and told me that my pant's zip was undone. Shit! Wonder how it came down. I ran to the restroom holding a notebook on the postoffice. Checked. A lot was getting revealed. It was a tight old formal pant I had pulled out from the suitcase and worn to match my big-boss status. As it was tight, it had got pulled apart at the fly to reveal more of the insides. I was embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror. I recalled all the smiling faces of the ladies and kids. Now everything was clear to me.

Here's an innovative solution to the problem of fly-zips sliding down. Check it out - the upside down fly-zip.

I quit the NGO job... for various reasons.

center vs centre

I came to know just now that there is absolutely no difference in meaning between the words center and centre. Not only did I get surpized when I discovered this fact, I also felt ashamed at having used both of them so far at different places with slightly different meanings on numerous occasions, and at having considered myself one heck of a linguist for such excuisite skill at using the right words at the right places. I had been thinking that center is the geometric mid-point of a circle; and centre is used to refer to locations where a specific activity takes place. Actually it's the same word for both of these meanings. The British spell it as centre and the Americans spell it as center. So it is good to stick to one of the two spellings (think which English is yours closer to - the British or the American!). "The difference between center and centre" has been asked a lot of times in various fora on the internet. Most answers state that there is no difference except for the way the Americans and the Britishers spell the same word. But I found one answer at Yahoo! Answers particularly interesting (thoughful and thought-provoking). It says: "This has to do with the two poles of the universe. Britain is the 'centre' of the universe, while America is the 'center' of the universe." (Did you know - when there's a quotation mark in the end of a sentence, the Americans put the full-stop before the quotation mark, and the Britishers put the full-stop after it! Check out: Wikipedia Full Stop) Also, check this out for a list of many English words spelt and used differently by the Americans and the Britishers. I hope there will come a time when another form of Enlgish - the Indian English - will also be recognized as one of the standard versions of the language. Till then, let's work on creating it!

Adult Content at Late-Night on TV

News: The I&B Ministry plans to allow adult content to be shown on TV between 11:30PM and 4:00AM. The I&B has put its proposed Content Code in the public domain, for people to comment on.

It sounds like a step in the right direction. It will help us open up to some obvious realities of our life. Many argue that we are not yet mature enough to handle it, blaming it on our culture. But we all wear masks and do it anyway. Is that maturity? I don't think so. We need to get rid of those masks and accept what we are.

Another good influence this step will have will be on the quality of adult content that we produce in India. Though youtube is full of Indian Adult content (thanks to the Mallu A-Industry), not much is Internationally recognized. The quality we generate suffers immensely because of our legal, mental and cultural restrictions. I can imagine that most of those programs we'll now see in those late night hours would be adult commedies. And I think that is perfectly fine, coz over the years I have felt that adult humour is enjoyed the most. (Many may want to argue against this fact though.) And some ooh-aah programs are always welcome. We don't ask for X-Rated stuff on TV, which is not necessarily good for adults too. I think the kind of regulatory norms youtube follows, pretty much makes sense for us too. Coz from where we are right now, it is the right extent of opening up that we can afford. A bigger leap might worsen things.

One problem, though, is - how are kids to be made to go and sleep when their parents watch stuff? You don't want to tell silly stories to the most curious age group. They'll never believe unless they check out themselves. And even if you are successful in doing that, one day or the other the kids will come to know. But I think this is a general issue with parenting. There are many other things which are hidden from kids until they grow big enough to understand them. I have no experience in parenting, so cannot comment on it. But I believe this part is the most tough to handle. Watching adult stuff on TV instead of the Internet or CDs/DVDs etc. is a very small change for the adults. And all adults have their choices of adult content, based on which they may or may not watch the stuff on TV. Many may want to continue their old ways. But I am sure we cannot shield the kids beyond a certain extent, which I think is pretty small. I am not sure what's the best way to handle this. I'd like to know readers' views on this problem and the topic in general.

Finally...

My Trip to the US - 12

4 days to go, and I will be out of the US. I have had wonderful times here - some of my best - many many moments which will always be fresh in my memory and will bring smiles to my face whenever I'll think of them. As always, it's not so much about the place that makes these 2 months special. It has much more to do with the people I've met here, the fun I've had with them, the beautiful experiences which made each day count.

I came here on a Business Visa. B1. The purpose - on paper - of my visit was to have "Technical Discussions" with our "Client" and their "Customers". The purpose as told to me was "Training" on MXERP application. Never had any discussions or underwent any trainings though. And actually, I had to work. And working here has been a big pain. The first day I was given a big cabin - an entire room for me. It had been a store-room for a long time and was emptied for me to sit and work in. I saw it as a great opportunity for timepass. First time in my life, I had an exclusive office for me. It was incredible.

The first time I met our client company's Manager - Steve Kumar, it was one great moment. We had been working with each other for over a year, communicating on phone almost on a daily basis. When I went in front of him the first time, he was totally perplexed. For about an hour, he could not talk to me properly. He used to stop in between our conversation, look out of the window and wonder for a minute. He finally decided to tell me what he was going through. He said he had actually pictured me as a very "flamboyant" person from my voice on phone. I was shocked to hear that. I am anything but "flamboyant". Of course the very reason why Steve was shocked was that he did not actually find me a "flamboyant" person. But how did my voice sound like that? May be it does, but this was the first time that someone made such a comment about my voice. It was good to hear though.

The next few days, Steve Kumar didn't turn up at the office. (Probably shocked by my appearance.) So it was mostly like working in India - full timepass. I insisted on eating my meals outside, inspite of repeated dadagiri by Sampath not to eat anything outside, his fundas that every edible thing in the US contains fish/chicken/beef/pork/meat and his pleas not to bhrasht my dharm. I defied his authority, just to prove a point. He didn't get it, but I am happy that I tried.

I made some great friends like Sudheer, Suraj and Abhilash. They are the people who made my stay in the US an experience of a lifetime. I went to pubs, movies and malls with them, watched American chiks (chaddi and top - the most common dress here for gals), shouted shit, cracked jokes, sang songs, laughed, played, danced and shared thoughts and feelings. Chicago trip was a wonderful experience. Navy Pier is a very nice place. It is my dream to sit at Navy Pier on the banks of lake michigan with my Apple MacBook (my jaan...bought it in the US) and go on writing whatever comes to my mind. I had never seen a place so crowded, noisy and soothing at the same time.

Did a lot of things for the first time - played tennis (even the very first time, I played like a professional...twisted my had in my very first serve...fell once and hurt my leg too...they still pain), ate meat without tears in my eyes (learnt to inhibit my mental inhibitions), drank on consecutive days, worked at mid-night when the client got angry on seeing me doing excessive timepass, spoke angrezi with angrez people (realized that my spoken englis is good), wrote an exam in Amrika, ate all my meals (including breakfast) on time, ate frozen and ready-to-eat food, took stands, made choices and expressed opinions on important matters, ironed all my clothes myself regularly, figured out a lot of things without any help, used paper (!!!), learnt to see the bright side of life!

Life is getting more and more interesting with each passing moment...I hope it stays that way even after I go back to India...

My Trip to the US - 11

I had to grope around in the darkness before I found the light switch. It was turned down. I thought that was the "on" position like with the switches in India. It was hard to imagine any other possibility. I thought there must have been a switch outside the room which controlled the room's power supply. I went out and checked, but found no switch. I opened the door wide open, so that some light entered inside.

There was a clock in one corner that showed a glowing red "11:30". It was a digital alarm clock with an LCD that showed the time and it also had a radio. I recalled that in the 5-Star room in chennai where my brother had stayed, there was a clock-cum-gadget that had buttons to control everything in the room - lights, AC, etc etc. I considered the possibility, though my hotel didn't look anywhere close to even a 3-Star. But since it was Amrika, I was not sure of anything. I started looking at the clock. I pressed all its buttons. One of them started the radio. It played so loud, and in the darkness I couldn't think for a while. I messed it up by pressing all the buttons on it 3-4 times. The clock's radio changed bands, the time changed randomly, something rang the clock's alarm very loudly, and something finally turned it off. I kept the clock back at where I picked it from.

I could see a phone kept on a stool. I went and dialled "0" which, Aziz had told me, was the front-desk-number. I told him there was no power supply in the room. But he said in his broken English that there was a switch inside, just beside the door, that had to be turned on, etc etc. I was getting embarrassed inspite of trying hard not to. I told him I would figure it out and hung up.

I started to do some R&D now. As a trial and error, I moved up the switch, the one beside the door, and that lit one of the lamps. There was some light now and I could see 3 more lamps in the room - all turned off. I went to the first one, and tried to see how it could be switched on. I found that the power supply was through a wire which was direcly plugged into a socket and there were no switches. I pushed a pin that slid right below the bulb of the lamp, and the lamp started glowing. WoW!!! I went ahead and turned all the lamps on. The light delighted me.

Next I checked out the wash-basin. I turned the knob on top of the faucet - both clockwise and anti-clockwise. No water came out. I concluded that the room had no water supply. I tried harder as the last ditch effort, and the knob got pulled up a little as I moved it forcefully. And then, water started coming out. So, I came to know that the knob had to be pulled up to turn it on. Soon I also figured out that after pulling it up, if I turned the knob clockwise, I got cold water and if I turned it anti-clockwise, I got hot water.

At that time, there were 2 guys - Vinay and Sampath - from my company working in Cincinnati for the same Client for whom I came to work. They're still here. They are on long-term visits and have been staying in apartments close to my hotel.

As I was trying to figure things out, Vinay and Sampath came to meet me. I had been wondering about food, and was happy to see a box with them. Had the delicious home cooked South-Indian food after they left and then, it was time to get on to the internet.

I was going to use Wireless Internet for the first time in my life. I had tried at London and Chicago Airports, but could never get connected. I took out my laptop and was connected within moments. I also turned on the TV to check out whether the Amrikan TV Channels really showed porn at mid-night, as I had heard. It was past 12:00 AM. I ran through all the channels the TV offered. I found pretty clean stuff everywhere. That was disappointing. I missed Sun TV so much. I found Jeetu online on GTalk. I immediately started a voice chat with him. Someone had to hear my first observations, aankhon-dekha-haal - no non-veg on TV at mid-night, lots of hot girls at London Airport, saw a very sexy gal in a mini-skirt at Chicago Airport, no hot gals visible in the hotel...

I chatted for some time, then fell asleep.

5th May 2007 - the longest day of my life - 24 + 9:30 = 33:30 hours long...had come to an end!

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 10

I was in The United States of America - the country which millons of people the world over feel fascinated about, the place which is considered the land of opportunities, the country whose opinion matters the most on any issue of International concern, the country which defines fashion, the country which gives respect and refuge to talent from all over the world, the country which I was going to discover and which had already started opening its pages to me - I was feeling great. Suddenly life seemed very happening. The change was wonderful. I discovered that I enjoyed walking into unknown worlds. I realized that the mystery that uncertainty held in itself gave me a lot of pleasure when it revealed itself to me. Life would be boring without the element of uncertainty in it.

It was cold outside the Airport. I went from the Airport to the Hotel in a cab driven by a Mauritanean. Mauritanea, I came to know, is a country in Africa. The driver was very friendly and helpful. I learnt from him how to use calling cards to make international calls. He even gifted one to me. It costed $3. He refused to take money for the calling card.

I reached my hotel in about 20 minutes. The hotel, where I am still staying, is called - Best Western.

The cab dropped me right outside the lobby. The Mauritanean enquired at the lobby to confirm that we came to the right place. He wished me a great stay in America, and left. As I went inside the lobby to confirm my booking, I came to know that there were 2 kinds of rooms in the hotel - from the smoking point of view - smoking and non-smoking. That was the first choice a lady who came to book a room was asked for. The office at the lobby had a "drive-thru" as well - wherein you can shout into the window that you need a room, then answer the questions asked, then give your credit/debit card, then collect the room keys and your card and get into your room directly from there. The booking for me had already been done by my company, and I had to just take the keys after getting my ICICI Travel-Card swiped and signing on a few forms. I came to know that mine was a non-smoking room with a king-sized bed. That felt awesome to think about.

There was a TV at the lobby. It was playing the movie - Gladiator - on the channel called - tbs. I looked at the screen and smiled, and said Gladiator loudly. I think I did that coz unconsciously I wanted the white guy at the lobby to know that I had a high level of awareness, that I knew the good movies of Hollywood and also that I had good tastes in movies. The guy turned out to be an Usbeki. His name was Aziz. I felt ashamed for a while. I didn't have to do that. Even if he was an American. Made a mental note, an entry in Lessons-Learnt, took my keys and came out of the lobby to head for my room.

Though Aziz had given me directions for my room, I didn't quite understand him. My attention was somewhere else. And he spoke bad english. And also I was confident that I could figure it out.

There were 2 buildings facing each other. My room had to be in one of them. The room-number was - 232B. I went towards the nearer of the 2 buildings. I figured that I had to climb the stairs. There was a guy standing near the stairs with a bottle of bear in his hand. He looked as scary as any other drunken person. I told him my room-number and asked him where it was. He said I had to go up the stairs. Then suddenly he jumped to grab my bag and insisted to carry it for me. It wasn't easy to get rid of him. I told him 3-4 times that it was ok, and I would carry the bags myself. Finally he stepped back, smiled and said "Positive". I guess he meant that he was ok with what I said. He let me go. I found that my room was not in that building but was in the other building.

I reached my room after some searching around. I stood outside the door with the card-key in my hand. I had seen this kind of keys, and I had also seen my brother use one when he stayed in a 5-Star hotel in chennai. But I never take interest in How-Things-Work unless I get into situations when I have to understand them to go ahead. So here I was, trying to open my door. I figured that I had to swipe my card through a slot on the door. I inserted the card in all possible ways. One of them worked! I made a mental note of exactly how I inserted the card, and then pushed the door open...

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 9

The American Airlines flight was much different from the Jet Airways flight. It was full of foreigners (rather I was the only foreigner). This was the first time I was among so many firangs. It was surely none of my comfort zones. There were a few Indians too, inside the plane, but they were very stangely indifferent. They were all trying to make friends with the Americans.

My seat was right in the middle of the Economy Class this time. I realized that I was more comfortable in Jet's corner seat than AA's middle seat. The Plane, the Seats and the Airhostesses were much better in the Jet Airways flight. The American Airhostesses seemed pretty arrogant, and much less caring. The service was definitely much better in Jet Airways.

I also realized that inspite of asking myself many times not to, I constantly compared whatever I saw, to how their Indian counterparts were. I have been doing that ever since I entered the American Airlines plane to this day. May be it's natural for any foreigner. Although, I cannot comment on non-Indian foreigners in America coz I haven't spoken to any, I don't think they are any different.

I wasn't lucky enough even on this occasion. No hot gal by my side. Mine was a window seat this time. And, believe it or now, I had company, though only for some time - a lady whose name was Nancy Hahn. She was a very nice lady. She worked in Misys Healthcare - a Client company for an Indian company.

She was coming from Bangalore, India. So the obvious topic on which to start a conversation with her was the Weather in India. Being an American, she must have had a really tough time enduring the Indian summers. I brought it up after our greetings to each other, and as expected, she had a lot to say about the heat. That made me feel that Americans are talkative. Or was it just that she was a woman? Could be the latter.

After talking for about 10 minutes, Nancy moved to one of the empty middle seats so that each one of us could sit comfortably. I was again left alone. Though Nancy was there whenever I needed help with figuring out things. Like I didn't have an ear phone and seeing the confused look on my face, she got one for me from the Airhostess. And on many occasions, she was there to guide me with the things the Airhostess carried...in her trolley.

I felt very tired. Took some apple juice. The LCD here didn't have much to check out. It was smaller than the one in Jet Airways. I still put on the headphones and played something coz I figured that if I had the phones on, I didn't get that stuffy sensation in the ears which I usually did in the domestic Indian flights. I was quite comfortable though I sat for hours without changing positions for long in each of the flights.

The American Airlines Plane flew much higher than the Jet Airways Plane. Most of this flight was over water. And we were above clouds for the major part of it. It being my second International flight, most of the excitement that was there before and during the first one waned away. Things got less and less special for me. The Airhostesses and their trolleys seemed like a routine affair. For lunch, there was a special order for me. My company had asked for a vegetarian meal for me. I felt so Indian for the first time. The food was good. My optimism about American Veg food grew stronger.

I got reprimanded once by the Airhostess for ordering before she came to me. She was serving the guy behind me and I was next in line. I told myself - those Indian gals in Jet Airways wouldn't have been so rude :-(.

Things started getting uneventful. I was tired. I slept a lot. When I got up, we were 45 minutes from Chicago O'Hare. The Aircraft was shaking due to turbulence. It descended after a lot of circling around the Airport. Lot of traffic at the airport, I guess. I walked out of the Aircraft. Nancy and I were walking side by side until we came out.

O'Hare is a big big airport. That's what I heard from many. Even the LCD showed a big big map with lots of gates. While I was there, I couldn't get much idea of its size coz I was led out of the plane into corridors and passages and then to a big hall where I had to do Immigration Check and stuff. Nancy showed me that I had to stand in the queues for Immigrants was she was going to a queue for US Residents. Since we were parting, I felt that we might never meet again. It was good to have the contacts of someone who'd helped you so much. So I asked Nancy whether I cud have her card. She didn't have one to give me right away. Then I asked her for her email Id and she gave it to me on a piece of paper. I was elated. We said byes and then we joined our respective queues. When my turn came, I was asked "Why are you here" at the counter. I blurted out the answer I had prepared during my VISA interview - For technical discussions with our clients and customers. I was also going to add - Preliminary design and analysis - to it, but then I felt it wasn't required. My passport was stapled with a piece of one of those forms I had filled with a stamp of Aug 04 2007 thumped on it. I later came to know that the form is called I-94 and the stamp indicates the maximum time I am allowed to stay in the US.

I collected my luggage (called baggage in air-travel terminology). I was convinced that Chicago was where I had to collect my baggage from. My next worry was about how to check it into my next flight to Cincinnati. I had been thinking about these for days. I enquired and came to know that I had to go to another gate to catch the domestic flight to Cincinnati and to go to that gate, I had to catch a train. There was an escalator to take me up to the train stations. Sindhu had told me about those escalators and the fact that you should not keep much luggage if alone coz you need to leave the trolleys and lift all the luggage yourself from here. I didn't have much to carry though, and my suitcase had wheels too. So I could easily walk with my baggage and reached the station in no time. The train came very soon. I got into it. I noticed that everyone else was so much taller than me. In India I am of an average height. There were 2 cops standing right in front of me. I told them the gate I had to go to and asked them where I had to get down. They said it was the very next stop and they were getting down as well, so I could follow them. I did that.I got down at the next station. I saw Nancy there. Said a Hi to her. She came along. She helped me checkin my baggage for the next flight to Cincinnati and also guided through the security check and then to the right gate for my next flight. It was so kind of her to help me, though I had never asked for it. I guess somehow she realized that I was new and needed help and was also a good boy.

The Security check was interesting. I got to see the domestic air-travellers in the US. It was like a casual thing for them. In India, air-travel is a big deal, even by Air Deccan. The security check was pretty strict. Everybody had to take out shoes, watches, everything metal. I wonder how women manage with rings at all kinds of places. Rings in ears may be allowed coz they can be seen. What about the rings elsewhere? Anyone knows? Don't the metal detectors shout when such rings pass through with any woman?

I again felt proud at my decision of taking off my socks. After the security, I enetered the huge domestic terminal of Chicago along with Nancy. There were hundreds of gates from which hundreds of flights were departing every minute. Wonder how they manage such traffic.

Our next flights were from different gates. So it was time for another Good Bye to Nancy and this time it was indeed the last one. I wondered whether we could sit and talk for some more time, coz there was still 1.5 hour time for my flight and 1 hour for Nancy's. But Nancy didn't seem interested. So I let her go, and looked for my own Gate. It was not far from Nancy's. I could see her.

There were many seats in front of each gate. I could not sit for long. My legs were aching. I started romaing around. The bag with the laptop in it was heavy. I still walked. There were stores all over - McDonalds etc. I didn't eat anything. Just kept walking. Saw a public coin phone at one place. I didn't have coins. There was an option to swipe a card and call. I swiped but it didn't work. I gave up. First encounter with these coin/card automated things in the US! I came back to my gate, sat on one of the seats and checked if my laptop worked with any of the available wireless networks. It didn't.

I looked around. First time in my life, I saw a real girl in a real mini-skirt. Of course I did see in movies, but never in real life. I was in Mumbai for 4 years, but never saw one. And here at the airport I saw one girl with a perfect figure and in a mini-skirt. She was an Ui-Ma kind of girl. It was treat to watch her running, pulling along her bag with wheels.

Then there was a couple with a chhmaaaaaaall kid pulling all their luggage as they were walking. That was very cute. I should have taken a pic. It didn't occur to me at that time. I went and complimented the parents that their kid was very cute.

I kept waiting for my flight's boarding anouncement at the gate till the last 15 minutes remained. Looked around, even Nancy had gone. Just then, it was announced that my flight would depart from another gate that was pretty far away. Less than 15 minutes remained for the departure. Now that worried me. I ran. It took a long time to reach that gate, and when I did, a lady there said she had closed the boarding for the flight. I wonder how all other passengers had come to know of the gate change. The LCDs all over the airport were still showing the earlier gate number for that flight. Anywayz, the lady opened it again for me, and I went inside and boarded the flight. I was the last one to get it.

This plane - American Eagle - was a pathetic Aircraft. It was like a long pipe with 3 lines of seats. There were no Airhostesses - just one steward, who was effeminate and seemed gay and was acting smart. It seemed there was no AC also. The plane was very old and ill-maintained. Overall it was a bad flight. I slept through most of the 1 hour I was in it.

Cincinnati Airport is much smaller than the other ones I had seen during the day. I collected all my baggage. Thankfully, nothing was lost. I had heard tales of people finding their bags missing when they reach US. I was relieved to find everything right there.

I had to call a cab. I was wondering how to. I asked a cop. He told me that I had to call from the phone at a corner he pointed to. I went there. A Chinese looking gal was on the phone asking for a cab. She spoke with an American Accent. She asked me if I needed a cab too. I said yes. She called one for me too. She told me the cab number, which I did not understand. I asked her again, she told me again. Again, I didn't understand. She was too arrogant. Didn't respond a bit to my smiles. She went away. I decided I was going to call the cab myself. I didn't know what number to dial. I looked around, there was a register with many numbers. I was having a tough time. I picked up the receiver, it connected me directly to the cab-service guy. I asked him for a cab and he told me the cab number. So I was relieved that I too had a number now.

I came out of the airport to where the gal was standing and waiting for her cab. There was one bus picking up passengers on the other side of the road. I wondered where that went. Since my company was paying the cab charges, I decided not to worry about the cost of going by a cab. The gal sat in a cab that was not of the number assigned to her. Actually the cab guy came looking for someone who had already left. So she sat in it. Later when her cab came, I sat in that. Wonder who sat in my cab!

Well, as all this was happening, I kept saying to myself - Man! You reached your destination! Here you are at Cincinnati - Ohio - USA. Palmistry is bogus!

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 8

My company had booked the flight tickets with the 7 hour gap in London. I didn't crib and was actually happy about this. I was hoping to experience London in these 7 hours.

The waiting area was big and confusing. There were hundreds, in fact thousands of peope waiting. There were many sexy ladies all over the place. It looked like heaven for a while - a long one. I could see shops all over. 'Duty-Free shops' most of them. But the very first thing that attracted my attention was the British accent. My ears were wide open trying to listen to whatever of that I could hear. I like observing the way people speak and I somehow give a lot of attention to accents.

I wanted to speak to some Britishers in the Airport. I had a subconscious mission planned to work on during this entire trip - to make new friends and understand as many new things - whatever they may be - as I possibly could. Making friends takes time and happens at its own sweet pace. The mission made me a little hasty to get to this task at the first opportunity. Slowly I have realized, with a strong self-affirmation, that relationships take time to grow. Love/Friendships at First Sight cannot happen to me.

I find the British accent particularly interesting. That's because, it is from the Britishers that we have derived our versions of English. It is really interesting how when people proficient in a particular language learn a different language, they make common errors and develop the same accent without even realizing it. Like all Madrasis have a similar Hindi accent.

As far as English goes, I like the British accent. More than the American or the Australian one. Coz it's closer to our own accent and we can easily master it. Unlike the American accent, which many Indians make a mess of, and end up speaking in weird, funny and unintelligible ways here in America, British accent can be picked up pretty easily by Indians - of course only if the other departments of their English are sound enough. During the many hours of waiting, I got to hear a lot of it. It was fun.

I exchanged some Dollars for Pounds so as to make phone calls to India from the public coin-phones over there. I came to know that one hundredth of a Pound is called a Pence. I exchanged 15 Dollars and got 5 Pounds and 47 pence. I spent 4 Pounds in calls. Also spent 1 Pound and 30 Pence to buy a big cup of coffee. Nothing else, coz things seemed pretty costly inspite of being Duty-Free. I am sure duty is just a small part of the price. Waiving it doesn't help so much, especially for Indians who've come out for the first time and are still thinking in terms of the Rupee. For example, 1.30 Pounds is more than 100 Rupees. My costliest coffee ever. But that was the cheapest thing I could find in the coffee shop. I didn't want to spend any more money in eating, though I was terribly hungry, coz the next flight would serve food anyway. Why waste money, viz. Rupees.

I couldn't see "Drinking Water" written anywhere in the waiting area. There were small Mineral Water bottles everywhere at Bombay Airport. To be picked up by anyone who needed. For free. But at the London Airport, there were none. You have to buy water over there. Sometimes it feels like drinking water is out of fashion in these western countries. Of course, I shouldn't generalize to this extent since I have seen only a few places. Perhaps some of the readers can comment on this.

But after spending 5.30 Pounds on calls and coffee, I was left with 17 Pence. I could see some water-bottles in a fridge at the coffee shop. I enquired the price of a bottle. It was more than a Pound and I didn't want to exchange more money. So coffee was all I had during the 7 hours at London, and it was a really bad coffee. Later as I roamed in the Airport, I found that there were things to eat that were cheaper than a Pound. I regretted having spent 1.30 Pounds on a disgusting coffee. And also felt sad about 1 Pound that got wasted in a call that I couldn't make. The coin went inside the box and stayed there but I saw no balance time for me to talk.

Those coin boxes were pretty good, otherwise. You insert coins and they give you some talk-time. You can make as many calls as you like to exhaust that talk-time. With every call, there is some flat amount that will be deducted besides the charges for the duration of the call.

There were Indians everywhere. Most shops were being run by Indians. One shop was playing Himesh Reshamiya's songs loudly. One Indian guy explained to me how to use the coin-phone. And after I was done with my calls, I explained how to use it to another Indian guy. All in Hindi. I also explained a Canadian lady how she could exchange her Canadian Dollars for some Pounds and use them to make calls through the coin-phone. I guess this was the first time during the trip that I spoke to any 'real' foreigner.

There was a car on display - a nice red one - right at the centre of the waiting Area. I am not a fan of cars, nor do I know much about them. But here's the pic for you. Feel free to stare at it if cars turn you on.





There were lots of chairs to sit on. I wanted to talk to someone...Make friends...Talk about London. But I am a jerk when it comes to starting conversations with strangers. I was trying to not be myself for a few hours and reach out to some people. I went and sat beside an old British woman. I didn't know what to talk. I asked her the time. I adjusted my watch and told her how important it is to set your watch to local time so that you don't miss the next flight. She didn't say anything except the time, smiled and was lost in her own thoughts. I took out my laptop just to look busy. Tried to look for wireless networks available. I tried a few, but all of them asked me to pay so as to use them. I gave up. I got up saying bye to the woman.

I walked for hours around the place checking out all kinds of shops except for the Lingerie stores. I am not so good at this, I mean at roaming around in markets and checking out things. I saw the prices of a few products just so that I get some idea. But I could hardly form any opinion. I don't even remember the prices now. The best was the Liqour section. I saw Smirnoff Vodka, Romanov Vodka and Antiquity Whisky...felt homely :D

I went inside a book-store. I was curious to know how many books by Indian authors these British stores kept. What I found was disheartening. Only one - Salman Rushdie. I was expecting more. Perhaps I missed a few. But surely not many.

At one corner there was a sign-board that read "Multi-Faith Prayer Room". Though I am not a religious person, I felt like checking it out. It is always nice to see people of all religions praying together in peace. Anyone who has ever visited Pir Haaji Ali's Mosque in Mumbai would know that it is possible. Religion and God begin to acquire new meanings in such places. Perhaps their original meanings.

I was sad to see that the door of the room to which the signboard pointed was closed. I went and sat in front of a TV hanging from the top. Two chairs to my right was a sexy gal sitting and reading a book. And to my left, there was a fat British guy. He also was watching TV. I tried again to start a conversation. Couldn't think of any topics. Continued to watch TV and figured that news channels in UK (and now I know that in US too) show more crap than the Indian ones do. I decided to chat on this topic with the guy sitting next to me. I asked him whether that was the kind of news that the channels there normally showed. He smiled and said yes. I told him that in India, we had similar news channels that showed crap, and we thought that things are better in the west. He didn't give any expression - surprised or happy or curious or offended - and continued to watch TV. That ended the conversation. He went away after a few minutes and a few more minutes thereafter, a couple came and sat next to me. I felt like Forrest Gump.

('comment' in the terminology of computer progamming is a block of code that is ignored by the compiler and is not to be executed and is enclosed between /* and */)

/********* JAVA COMMENT STARTS *********

The material enclosed in the comments might be objectionable to some people and so, must be read with caution. Ignore it if you want to and if you can...

I got up and took another round of the Airport. I have been trying for long not to mention anything about the toilets at London Airport. But I guess I have to, otherwise I'd feel like I skipped an important observation. I went there twice for susu and combing hair. The susu basins, or whatever they are called, were so low - almost near the knees - that anyone could see anyone else's Jhonson (that's what it is called in America. It has many other names too). I somehow did it. I don't know if this is the way things are all over the UK or if the Airport ones are just an exception. I have many friends who find it difficult to pee even if someone is peeing right next to them.

I am sorry these toilet-topics keep coming up. I have come to know that they offend some of my readers, who might discontinue to be my readers due to this. But I cannot intentionally deny the Right-To-Information of others. So kindly bear, or wear and tear - your clothes or whatever.

********* JAVA COMMENT ENDS *********/

I was confused whether I had to checkin again or the boarding pass given in India - one for each flight - would do. I was told, though, by the girl at the Mumbai Airport that those were all Dummy boarding passes, except for the one for the Mumbai-London flight. I was not sure what she meant. I went straight to the American Airlines counter at the London Airport and asked the girl there if I needed to do something before boarding my flight. She said I had to checkin again and gave me a new Boaring pass. Also she gave me a form - Custom's form or whatever - that I had to fill and submit at Chicago - the Port of Entry into the US!

2 hours before the departure time of my next flight, I marked in my mind the gate through which I had to enter for my flight - American Airlines Flight No: AA 047 to Chicago - O'Hare International Airport! And 1 hour before the departure time, I entered the corridor that led to the gates. It was a very long corridor. A Long Long one, with many moving floors in between. My legs were aching, so I used all of them. Actually walked on them so that I reached faster.

Finally I reached my gate - gate No. 18 - if I remember correctly. I went inside. My passport was checked and I was let into a hall with a lot seats. I sat on one of them and waited. The Airline staff was all American and the Airport staff was all British. I was enchanted to hear the conversations between the Americans and the Britishers. A treat to hear both of the best accents of English - each melodiously following the other - more so when the 2 people talking are females.

A few minutes later, it was announced that we could board the flight. I went along with all others and was inside the plane within 5 minutes. And from there started the American world for me.

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 7

I believe that happiness is a choice. Like with any other big choice in life, choosing to be happy is very difficult. Not many are conscious enough to be able to make a conscious choice of happiness. I sometimes wonder what is the process of choosing to be happy. Is it like shaking oneself out of an illusion of spontaneity to a deliberate 'happy' approach while choosing one's reactions to various situations. Or is there something like truly spontaneous which gives the maximum happiness? Or is spontaneity an illusion? Can one be spontaneously happy? Is happiness a feeling one derives out of behaving in the most instinctively spontaneous manner? Can one consciously choose to follow one's instincts, while making a choice is itself the opposite of letting the instincts govern?

I now remember the name of the nice and senti English movie I watched during the Mumbai-London flight. It is 'The Pursuit of Happiness'.

Though London was for transit, I had a good 7 hours before my next flight. Though I couldn't go out of the Airport, I decided to use this time in the best way possible to get a feel of London. I had heard a lot about London - it's a beautiful city, Shakespere used to live here, so did Katrina Kaif, BBC comes from here, GMT, Bukingham Palace...

From what I saw of London from the air before landing, I felt that london was quite a well planned city. The roads were nicely laid out and the buildings were quite distant from each other. It looked quite empty actually, though I now know better how empty most foreign lands seem to us Indians when we compare them to cities in India. The flight landed after it gave me a few minutes for seeing London from above. It was cold out side. The temperature was 9 Degrees Centigrade. One interesting fact is that it gets colder as the aeroplane rises higher as shown by the LCD. Confirmed what I had studied years back in school.

The Airport is called the London Heathrow Airport. I was a carrying a bag with my laptop in it. I hung it on my shoulders and walked out of the plane saying "Thanks" to the Air Hostess before she did. Since Jet Airways is Indian, most of those who were in my flight were Indian. But even outside, I saw Indians everywhere. The uniform-wala guys and many people working at the Airport looked Indian.

Though I saw everyone walking in one particular direction, I wasn't sure what people who were there for transit had to do, since obviously for most of the people, London was the final International destination. I went to a uniform-wala standing at a corner, told him I was going to America by an American Airlines flight, and asked him where I needed to go. He asked me to follow the directions shown the boards with "Flight Connections" written over them. Later I found that even in the US, they use the same term - "Flight Connections". It must be a standard term used all over the world in Airports.

I had to walk a long distance. And for those who had difficulty walking or for those who were too lazy to walk, there were long stretches in between where one had to just stand and the floor moved - like a long tread mill. It was good, I tried it a few times. You walk on it, you move even faster.

I reached the dead end where "Flight Connections" people made a long queue that turned around a corner to somewhere that I could not see at that time. As the line moved ahead I came to know that I was going to undego another security check. Ahead of me, I saw people removing their shoes. I felt a sudden fit of happiness that very moment. The reason - something made me take off my torn & stinky socks before I got off the place and wear the shoes directly. I did keep the socks in my pocket coz I felt it was not appropriate to leave such socks in the Aeroplane. And now, I could take off my shoes without getting embarrassed. And I also felt that my brand new Woodland Shoes on bare feet would in fact look cool as my feet would get undressed and redressed before and after the security check - of course if someone bothered to look at them.

There was one old lady in the queue who was going to Canada and had come from India. She was literally in tears coz her next flight did not allow 2 bags to be taken inside as hand-baggage. She had 2 because her previous flight from India had allowed. Different Airports have different rules. She was told by a uniform-wala while she was in the queue that she could not take along 2 bags and had to do something about it. She started screaming at him - why was she not told about this in India, why she always preferred some other Airline, why she took her laptop with her in one of the bags, why she could have avoided that if she hadn't listened to her kids, etc etc. The uniformwala was an Indian guy with a nice beard. He didn't belong to any of the Airlines. He spoke in a British accent and tried to calm the woman by giving her various options like contacting the Airline Staff and asking them to do something about the extra bag, tying the 2 bags together somehow to make them look like one etc etc. He ended every sentence with "Darling". Reminded me of "Mona Darling".

Don't know how the woman's 2-bags problem was resolved, coz she stayed back continuing to argue and the queue moved ahead. I finished my security check - laptops have to be taken out of the bag and placed for scanning - I went ahead to find a huge waiting area - a big shopping mall really - with hundreds of people all over - waiting - and I became one of them - for the next 6 hours.

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 6

I started from India at mid-night. It wasn't dark for long outside the Aeroplane window. And once it got sunny outside, it stayed like that all throughout my journey till Chicago. Somebody can try to explain how clocks and planes moved to create that effect.

The shutters were always kept closed so that it stayed dark inside the plane. I often used to raise it a little to get a glimpse of the clouds outside. Sadly nobody else seemed so curious. The LCD had a lot of channels. One of them constantly showed the plane's position on the world map. I felt elated to see my plane flying above so many countries. I was particularly thrilled when we were flying over Afghanistan and Iraq. I tried to see down through the window hoping to get a view of the barren lands and the remains of buildings destroyed during wars that are often shown on TV. But I could hardly see anything from that height. There were clouds below the plane that blocked all view. Wonder how the pilot sees the path in these murky skies.

The last line was a joke. I didn't want to put :P or :D or :) or :)) after it. Sometimes I hate using these. Perhaps it is the weakness of our writing skills that we need smileys to express emotions and fail to produce the desired effect without those.

The LCD was fully loaded with movies. I watched some good scenes of Phir Hera Pheri, and Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna by fast-forwarding, watched the 2nd half of Bhagam-Bhaag for commedy, then an episode of Friends. Drinks were served, and I had 2 Vodkas. Then I watched a very nice and senti English movie. I cannot recall its name or what it was about. All I remember is that it was very nice and senti. I also slept a little.

The flight was quite comfortable. I never felt even slight pain though I sat in the same position for so many hours. I also figured that if you put on ear-phones and continuously play some music etc., you don't get that uncomfortable feeling in the ears during the flight.

Early in the morning, the scene in the Plane was not very different from that in a Railway Train in India. People were brushing their teeth, there were queues to use the toilet, women doing make-up, kids shouting...

I once went to Chennai in a 2nd Class Railway compartment. The train was reaching Chennai early in the morning. In my comparment, most of the people even took bath in the toilets, came back in towels, did puja and then got dressed. Nowhere else does it get so crazy as it does in and around Chennai, even outside the trains.

Coming back to my Air Plane... I also freshened up early in the morning. Breakfast was served after that. The Air Hostess gave me something which looked like a Patties. I asked her what that was. She said some name. I had never heard it, nor did I understand it properly. She told me 2-3 times when I kept asking what what what. I gave up on the name and asked whether it was vegetarian. She couldn't stop herself from laughing, put the thing in my hand and went away. The thing was actually bread. It looked so weird. It had an external cover resembling that of our Cream-Roll that we get on our Railway Platforms. Can someone tell me the name of this kind of bread which, it seems, most angrej people have for breakfast?

It is tough to talk to very beautiful gals. You can avoid most of the times, but not always. Like you cannot avoid talking to an Air Hostess in an Aeroplane. She will come again and again, smile at you and ask you stuff you won't understand a word of. You will ask her to repeat. She will repeat. But that won't help a bit. You will ask again. Finally you will say a "Yes" or "No", she will do what she likes and that will settle the matter. Unless you are a gal. Gals settle matters differently.

And sometimes it gets very hard to ignore the Air Hostesses. Like whenever I am in a plane and an Air Hostess is around my seat, serving a passenger one row in front or behind and I am the next to be served, I start turning to look at her again and again just to check if she is done and is coming to me. Also to observe what others are asking for so that I have some idea of what normal people eat and drink and what things are available with the Airhostess in the first place. Sometimes, like in Air Deccan, where you have to pay if you want to have anything, I turn again and again in just preparing to say "No I don't want anything" in the right way. But my turning again and again increases her bhaav. So nowadays, I start looking out of the window or at the LCD as soon as I see an Air Hostess around and turn to her only when she calls me. But I feel guilty - she might be thinking I am eating bhaav :-(

The plane reached the London Airport at exactly 7.00 AM London-Time. I came to know that the standard time in the UK is ahead of GMT by an hour. Found just now from www.greenwichmeantime.com that British Time is 1 hour ahead of GMT during summer (March-October) and is the same as GMT during the rest of the year.


To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 5

Immediately after I sat in the plane, I called my Parents to tell them that I was inside the aircraft. I also called my Brother to give him a confirmation that his fundas made sense and he was right about the whole damn procedure. Also spoke to my sweet Sister to tell her that I was safely in and would eat well during the flight. And also spoke to my Jeeju to confirm to him that the whole thing was non-sense and stupid for anyone from the IITian community. (My Jeeju is also an IITian. Nothing gives more pleasure to IITians than proving to themselves that everyone else is an idiot and everything is non-sense.) Thought of calling a few girls too, but dropped the idea. I had called a couple of them while I was standing in the line for checkin. Good Friends of mine, all of them.

I am sure these Airlines allot seats such that people are not made to sit with strangers. I would want to believe that. Otherwise why would they always keep me alone at one of the corner seats? (There are 2 of them) They don't check thobdas before assigning seat numbers...do they? It might be possible...perhaps that's the reason why those hot gals at the checkin counters say hi to me with a smile and bye without any and then possibly ensure that there is no hot gal around my seat while giving me a seat number. The first 15-20 minutes after entering the plane are always spent in aticipation that some young hot gal would come and sit by my side. But another side of me, and the one which dominates my thinking more, doesn't want anyone around, coz I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting beside a hot gal anyway. And of course, I don't want a guy's company.

I have one usool. Either stay alone or with a gal. It's about room-mates. Another theory of mine says that it is very difficult to stay with a gal. So I stay alone :D Same applies to even humsafars during safars.

After I settled down a little bit, I couldn't stop wondering about where the toilet was located. i.e., Loo (- for people who don't understand or stopped understanding toilet)...Jet Airways have beautiful Air-Hostesses. They are cute, polite, sensitive, understanding, caring, emotional... uff... sorry, I got carried away in thoughts...gals!!!...what was I saying?

Haan, toilet. These Airhostesses divide the Aircraft among themselves into blocks and concentrate on their own blocks. My block had a guy too - Airhost? What do you call them otherwise? Reminds me of the movie Meet the Parents. What do u call a guy-nurse? I mean nurse sounds feminine. Airhostess is even gramatically feminine.

Sorry I get digress too much...now back again to toilet...I asked the Airhostess who serving in my side of the aircraft where the toilet was. I was surprized to find it right behind me coz as I metioned earlier, mine was the last-row-corner-seat. I felt like an abandoned passenger :-(. I examined the toilet door. It looked weird. I wondered how to open it. I pushed it. It bent at the middle and I saw where I could go inside from. Trying to postpone for future, the thought of how I would come out of the toilet, I went inside, examined the door again and found a way to latch it.

I quickly took out my comb from my pocket and ran it through my hair for 2 minutes. It was great relief. I felt better now. Decided to pee. Did it. But then, couldn't find the flush. It was a strange toilet. Everywhere, there were just symbols. I couldn't understand any of them. There was nothing written anywhere. I tried pushing whatever button-like things I could find hoping that something would burst the flush. I also started thinking what I would do if I did not find the right button. I could come out, but what if one of the Airhostesses saw me while coming out and came to know that I didn't flush the toilet. It would be embarrassing. So I kept trying. After numerous hits and trials, I got the right button. It was a wonderful flush. Unlike the western toilets everywhere in India, this one had a way of sucking the water and everything in. At that time I thought, that may be, only aeroplanes have such flushes. But later I found that that's the way flushes work everywhere in America.

I came out and sat on my seat. Mine was not the window seat, but was the one beside it. I stopped expecting someone to turn up to sit at the window. I started to check out the LCD screen at the back of the seat in front of me. I found that there was no head-phone at my seat but there was one at the window-seat. I quietly took that head-phone. Let the window-seat guy/gal get his/her own headphone from the airhostess, if at all he/she comes - I thought.

Very soon I figured out how to play the video. As I was browsing to check what all programs were available, there was an anouncement and the video changed on its own. Unlike in domestic flights, the Safety Instructions were not performed by an airhostess. Instead, a video was played on all the LCD screens. I was disappointed. I wanted to turn it off. But I couldn't. The switches and buttons don't work when something important is played for all the passengers or even when there is an announcement.

Soon, the Aeroplane took off! I did vakra tunda maha kaya, gajaanana padmaarkam and yaakundendu tushaarahaara dhawala...childhood habit :D Bye Bye India!


To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 4

I had read in "The Inscrutable Americans" that american shitteries(i coined this word!) don't have latches on their doors and can be opened by anyone even if someone is inside, and also that they don't have taps or any such source of water for someone to wash after shitting. Though it hasn't exactly turned out like that, I will talk about my shitting experiences later in detail...(Aren't you curious :P)... As I started from India, I wasn't sure how I was going to manage that sort of shitteries. So I emptied myself well at home before starting so as to avoid it for as long as possible. Also since the journey was long - 30 hours, it was good to take that precaution coz who knew how things were going to be on the way?

So as I stood in the line soon after I entered the Airport, many questions loomed in my mind. During the drive from Pune to Mumbai, Sylvia had mentioned that these days passengers are asked to take off their shoes during the security check. And I was wearing torn socks, that stinked as well. Actually I had washed and got ready 3 good pairs of socks for my trip. I was going to wear one of them during the travel and put the remaining 2 in the bag. But by mistake I had put all 3 in the bag while packing. And so when I was wearing my shoes just before starting for Mumbai, I realized I didn't have any good pair of socks to wear and so I wore the one I had been wearing for office for a few weeks. They were torn at the thumb (pair ka angootha) and stank, but I thought - kya farq padta hai, who'd smell my socks...

But now it seemed I would run into problems. I didn't want to open the suitcase and take out a pair and change my socks at the airport. I had placed the socks below everything else. So I didn't want to make a mess of it at the airport. I had mentioned to my Sister and Jiju and they'd suggested that I take off the socks and wear the shoes directly. Not a bad idea, but I didn't want to do that unless that was inevitable, coz even those torn socks seemed good enough to wear a lot of times for office etc. I mean unless u go to a place where you have to take off your shoes, how does it matter what kind of socks you are wearing. They are hardly visible. Of course, you do need to keep washing them before they smell a lot.

The line moved ahead. I dumped my luggage for scanning when my turn came. I collected the bags, put them back on the trolley and started looking for the guy who was in front of me in the line. I found him. He was standing in another line. So I went and joined him in the same line. This time there was an old lady standing in front with a fat kid. I tried to apply common sense, looked around and found written somewhere that it was the line for checkin for the Jet Airways flight 9W 0120 to London. During Checkin, the luggage is weighed and sent inside - taken away from you. If you exceed the weight limit, you may be asked to pay for the extra baggage. And in the end you are given a boarding pass.

I tried talking to the old lady standing in front of me in the line. I said - "It's such a long line. HaHa" She replied in a pakka British accent. I don't remember what she said. Then I also gave her some fundas that it always happens that whenever you reluctantly stand in a line that is very long, you find that nobody comes behind you for a long time. Don't know whether she could make any sense out of what I said. She smiled and started looking somewhere else.

My turn for checkin came. A beautiful girl sitting at the counter smiled at me, checked my passport and tickets and gave me my boarding pass after verifying that my luggage was within the weight limit. I asked her where I had to check out my luggage - London, Chicago or Cincinnati. This question had been haunting me for the past many days. She told me that I had to check it out at Chicago - the port of entry for me into the US and then check it back into the flight for Cincinnati and then check it out again at Cincinnati.

I smiled back at her, collected the boarding pass and asked her where I needed to go next. She pointed in one direction and asked me to turn right from there. I did that. There were a few counters where my visa was checked and my boarding pass was stamped.

That was it. I was ready to board the flight. I couldn't believe that it was just 3 simple steps. I went in the direction the guy at the counter pointed to and reached the gate where I had to wait for boarding the flight. There was a security check at the gate where I underwent some talaashi and my hand-baggage was scanned. I feared that I might be asked to take off my shoes here, but that didn't happen.

I didn't have to wait for boarding the flight, coz the boarding had already started. I directly went stood in the line of the passengers boarding the flight and within seconds, I was inside the plane - last row corner seat!


To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 3

I carried my Passport, the e-Ticket and the Invitation Letter (from our American Client) in my hand as I entered through the Airport Gate. The security guard checked my passport and the e-Ticket and let me in. First Hurdle Crossed - I said to myself. I don't know why, but I couldn't help thinking of the whole journey form India to the US (never forget the definite article here) as a series of hurdles that I had to cross. It was there all the time - consciously, unconsciously, subconsciously - in various forms. It may be because of the way we are made to see life. It may be because of the way our education system breaks down the growing-up phase of our lives. It may be an attitude problem - viewing goals as hurdles because of a negative outlook...like seeing a glass half empty when it is also half full.

I saw a long line right in front of me as soon as I entered. I wasn't sure what I had to do. I had travelled a few times in domestic flights before, and knew roughly about what all one had to go through before boarding a flight. But the terminology and sequence always confuse me. And though in each trip I try to clear some of those confusions, they come back the next time. My memory is not consistent in all areas. It is extremely good in a few and extremely bad in the rest. And since this one was an international flight, I was apprehensive that even the terminology, procedure and sequence were going to be all different.

Sometimes I seriously doubt my intelligence, smartness, whatever. Everyone else seems so cool about the whole damn "Check-In". It feels like I am the only one who sees bloody hurdles everywhere. I guess I need to work on it. This trip is changing a lot in me. Will write some of it later...and some more of it much much later, when I am sure I won't be screwed if one of them reads it.

I realized that the best thing to figure out the formalities to be completed before boarding the flight is to follow the crowd. Do what everyone else is doing, and you don't have to worry about anything, unless something screws up. Just make sure you are with the right crowd i.e., the one for your flight. I often do that, but then I put my dimaag once in a while and look like an embarrassed confused idiot to everyone around. Perhaps I think too much. Who in that huge mass of strangers would care to form an opinion about my looks and actions? Well, ever since this hair went off, I cannot help getting nervous about silly things. I need to work on this too. It's amazing how much psychological damage hair-loss can do to you. You can't imagine unless you have gone through it.

As we got into this hair topic, I got reminded of something I would like to talk about. Lately, the hair on my head has reached a very low density level. I have been pretending to be ignoring it for some time now. Ever since my head started showing drastic signs of baldness - and that was exactly 9 years back - I have been wanting to shave off the hair. Something stops me from doing it. May be it is a stupid love for what remains, or may be it is just a fear of the embarrassment the acceptance of being bald to the world and most importantly to myself might cause. Numerous times I have almost been to a barber's shop to get it all shaved and dropped the idea right before the implementation stage. During one such occasion I bought the Brylcream-Strong-Hair-Gel as a consolation for having failed to execute the hair-shave-off-plan. That was during my first year at college. The gel turned out to be my hair's best friend for a long time. It was wonderful. It kept the hair stiff and well-set and exactly how I combed and set it and stayed like that for a long time. I loved it. But over the last few days in college and thereafter, my hair fell more and is now too little to look ok even with gel.

Ever since I came to know that I was going to the US, I set a deadline to shave off all the hair before leaving India. That didn't work out because of the above reasons. And now as I am in the US, though I do think of changing my look every now and then by emptying the top floor of whatever remains, I have another deadline set - to do it soon after I go back to India. You can't imagine to what extent I plan things which I finally don't do. For example, right now I am planning to get it shaved before reaching my home at Pune. But am really confused whether to do it in Mumbai or in Pune. If my company sends a vehicle to bring me from Mumbai Airport to my house at Pune, I will get it done after dumping my luggage in the house and without any one of my friends seeing me before I clean my head. How's that?

This reminds me of another kissa. It happened at Dr.Batra's Positive Health Clinic. In one of my monthly visits, I asked Dr.Archana whether "shaving off my head" would help.

Well, I guess I will talk about what happened at the Airport in my next post...

To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 2

I normally prefer carrying very little luggage when I go out - just the bare necessities. And so I don't need much time for packing. I generally do it in the night before the journey. It was the same case this time as well. I did buy one of those huge bags with wheels which most people do before they go to the US. Though mine wasn't so huge, it was pretty big by my standards. I still bought it, because my company was paying for it, and because I felt that to stay in the US for six weeks, I would need to carry more clothes than I usually do.

I washed all my clothes and got them pressed too, well beforehand. Packing was easy. I made sure I didn't forget the underworld and all the clothes, the books to study for the exam I am going to write here in the US on the 2nd of June, all the things which one of my collegues, who was already in the US, had asked me to get for him from India, my passport, the eTickets - 2 copies, Invitation letter from our client - 2 copies, the destination address in the US - 2 copies, my cell phone - fully charged and with all necessary numbers needed in case of emergency during the trip, the dollars my company gave me to carry along, etc. etc.

My company had booked space in a KK-Travels (also known as JJ-Travels sometimes - I never understood the connection) vehicle that picks up people from Pune and takes them to Mumbai International Airport. They also bring people back. Will get it booked while returning back to Pune.

It was May 04th - 2007. The vehicle that came was a Qualis. And it came an hour late. Thank God, I had planned to reach Mumbai Airport 7 hours before the flight departure time. Firstly the qualis came late by an hour, then the traffic in Mumbai and my own miscalculation about when I'd reach the Mumbai Airport led to a further delay. And I actually reached the airport only 4.5 hours before the departure time.

The qualis trip from Pune to Mumbai was a memorable one. There were only 2 passengers - an old lady and me. Her name was Sylvia. She had been in the US for the past 10 years. She stayed in New Jersy. Her daughter worked in New York and used to travel daily from New Jersy by train (first by car to the train-station). She was a nice person and spoke good english. Her legs were weak and she walked with a great difficulty.

The qualis was without an AC and it was a very hot afternoon. As usual I adjusted. It didn't even strike me that I could fight with the driver for not bringing a vehicle with an AC. Actually somewhere deep down, I was not sure whether I deserved one at the price I was going to pay. (This is funny but this is how my mind works.) When I cribbed mildly about the heat to the lady, she told me how much she had faught before they picked me up, about why a vehicle with AC was not sent for her and that the KK Travels guy had apologized to her but didn't do anything to fix things. Fighting against injustice is so important. You keep adjusting to what you get, you will always get less than what you might deserve. But for that you should have a clear and fair idea of what returns you deserve at your level of investment. And if you don't, you will end up creating disturbance in a smooth pattern of things. Some people don't bother about the disturbance they might end up causing, since in the end, they will know what is their fair share. I think they are fully justified. And of course if you do it with vinamrata, there will be no disturbance and you will only gain. So what if you look foolish 50% of the times initially. In the end, you will slowly reach a state where you will be fully clear of where you stand. But for some people, looking foolish is too big a blow to their egos. They never get rid of their foolishness in trying to avoid looking foolish.

The qualis stopped once at a Food Mall near Lonavla. I had Pani Puri there - last time. I am missing it so much. Not a day passed without Pani Puri when I was in India, and now, it's 24 days already. Sylvia got 2 samosas packed for her - for dinner. The flight was in the mid-night and she was travelling alone.

Sylvia told me that she was a Puneri and had spent most of her life at Pune and Mumbai. She also gave me her telephone number - the one in New Jersy, which I stored in my mobile phone. I later lost that mobile phone in the US and lost Sylvia's number too.

We reached the Mumbai International Airport around 8.30 PM. Sylvia stood in line for going inside immediately since hers was a British Airways flight, about an hour before mine - the Jet Airways flight, both to London. After I got my bill from the KK-Travels guy which I'd submit later in my office for reimbursement, I stood outside Gate-2, which is the entry for Jet Airways flights to London. I saw Sylvila sitting down close to her luggage, waiting to enter. It was the entrypoint for British Airways flights too. I stood at a little distance waiting for my Sister, Brother and Brother-in-Law who were coming to see me off.

They came. As usual, my sister found me much fatter than last time. We went to a restaurant close to the Airport to have dinner. Took a photo there. Then came back running, coz I was a little worried how the pre-flight process would go. Before entering, I hugged all of them. This was a very special moment. I had never hugged my sister and brother before.

As I enetered the Airport through the Gate, I had a strange feeling... I knew, I was stepping into an unknown world... I realized it was too late to stop or walk backwards...


To Be Continued...

My Trip to the US - 1

It was not so much the excitement about going to the United States as was the anxiety and fear of going, living and working in a totally new place that fully occupied my mind for the one week before I started from India. I am so myself when I have to take decisions, when I have to make choices. And the last one week before the journey, my mental circuits were totally jammed with all sides of me trying to gain control, sending vibes, each of which shook my entire brain.

A friend of mine, who claims to be good at palmistry, the knowledge he purports to have acquired by reading many books and analysing many "cases", once read my hand and told me that I'd never enter a foreign country. Well, palmists always have an excuse - your fate will change if you try hard enough, and that will be reflected in your lines as well. I don't know if my lines have changed. And I also don't know if the change of fate is just because somebody wrote "The World is Flat" after the guy read my hand which totally changed the definitions of the word "foreign".

A couple of months back, I was told that I'd be given an opportunity to travel to the US, to visit our client's office at Milford in Ohio. I always thought I wouldn't go. I hoped to do something big so that I cud proudly and safely reject the US-visit opportunity. It is amazing how the mind starts convincing itself of the perfectness of its present state just to keep itself away from a change - the bigger the worse - finding excuses not to allow you to venture into unexplored territories, giving reasons every moment why your comfort zone should be your zone for life. Yet the irony is, the moment it tries to settle for the comfort zones, it starts feeling choked, it is in pain, and wants to break free of its own barriers. It feels weak, though it is not, coz it doesn't know its strength. It has to push itself each moment, overcome the barriers of fear and uncertainty. And each moment of exploration gives it a relief, an assurance, a satisfaction, some air to breathe. And the next moment is no different, unless the mind stops trying to explore.

The preparations for the trip started with the application for VISA - a short visit Business VISA - B1. I attended the interview for VISA at the American Consulate in Mumbai. VISA applications do get rejected. So people wish each other "all-the-best" before their interviews. My application had a very little chance of rejection since my company was one of the few indian companies whose VISA applications are processed faster and with fewer rejections. A blue eyed American Woman asked me a few questions like - Why are going to the US - Who is your Client - For how long are you going - How much is your salary. I answered all her questions - with answers I had prepared well, thanks to my company's Travel-Desk. I was trained to give the right answers with the right level of confidence. That was my first experience of talking to an American. (My client is an Indian settled in America.) I found that they speak clearly and loudly, and even end the sentences at an equal volume, often streching them. I don't know the reason, but we indians complete our sentences in our mouths, as if we are ashamed of letting them out loudly.

To Be Continued...

Baje Sargam Har Taraf Se...

As Mid-Night Hot got too hot for the Information and Broadcasting Ministry, many of my friends have been forced to switch back to Sun TV for mid-night entertainment and artistic pursuits. It is unfortunate that the I&B finds the skimpily dressed FTV models as "offensive content". These I&B people don't understand art. How boring are calenders with only dates to look at. Flowers and sceneries don't make them interesting either. So fashion photographers take pains to shoot damsels and put them on calenders, just so that our dates look interesting. And showing them on TV makes it so easy for us to watch directly in our homes what we otherwise could only see on Hindu temples, our cultural heritage. And why appreciate stones when you have live images to adore. It seems like everything past is to be respected as culture and everything present is scorned as obscenity. What about future? Possibly 2000 years later these FTV videos will be a part of our cultural heritage and will be seen with great respect!

And those Lingerie shows impart valuable education about female undergarments (Though I admit that quite often I totally miss them and watch something else...slippery eyes...Phisalti Nazar...blame it on genes...God is a naughty programmer!). I think all guys need such education. It is very important for sexual equality and mutual understanding. If Amul Macho is Crafted for Fantasies, then...hm...hm...well I don't even know one Lingerie brand :-( Ye to bada Toin Hai X-(.

Reality shows are very popular these days on Indian Television. They make good money too. So what if each one of them is a copy of what's already shown on some western channel? We have concocted our own recipes for their success - 2 item number gals bitching against each other, one bhojpuri hero, a few flop bollywood stars trying to stake their claim to fame and a filmy setting. Yes, our reality shows get more filmy than real. And of course by filmy we mean aamchi Bollywood, Tollywood, Kollywood, etc. etc. Not Hollywood because filmy when used for Hollywood has a different meaning altogether. It often sounds more real than our reality shows.

One reason why reality shows are not able to sustain their popularity for long is that the Indian viewers miss the visual and musical effects which they enjoy so much in the TV serials. A face turning thrice with dhan dhan dhan of all instruments strummed together in the background and someone shouting the aaaaaaa of the so called classical music work best at expressing the intensity and depth of Indian emotions and bring tears in the eyes of many ladies. And who doesn't love to see ladies fighting with each other? The serials offer that in plenty. In reality shows they are always a little less jhhagdaaloo since they have their careers and image at stake.

Indian producers have a bad habit of getting repetitive. The success of KBC provoked them to start more shows like it. None worked. Even KBC has stopped working. Shahrukh's fake Thanda Thanda Kewl Kewl smiles could not attract viewers. There are many imitations of Indian Idol on various channels. None worked. Even Indian Idol 2 flopped. Most of the winners of these contests are lost in oblivion. Like the Viva gals, who vanished after Hum Naye Geet Sunayein and Jaago Zara. And a few like Sunidhi Chauhan and the Laughter Kings write their success stories by leveraging the opportunities the successes in these contests offer. An opportunity to be Crorepati by answering 15 questions is more than enough to lure the hundreds of millions of people who comprise the Indian middle class. Then there are shows like Nach Baliye with TV-Star-Couples fighting against each other. Since shows like these don't offer any opportunity for the viewers to participate and get rich & famous, these shows have limited success. It's definitely interesting to see our favourite stars try to show their real capabilities rather than those of the characters they play in the Serials. But then, it cannot be interesting and appealing for long. Beyond a certain point, every viewer asks herself/himself - why should I care?

If that is the state of our Entertainment channels, our News channels are not far behind. In fact there is a slow diffusion of News and Entertainment. Gone are the days of DD when a video used to appear out of nowhere in a box that contained the DD logo just to the left of the news-reader. That was magic for me, during my childhood days. News is different nowadays. The news-readers don't just read news. They ask questions to people in those boxes, listen to the answers and ask more questions. It seems they now understand what they read. A lot is done impromptu unlike the old times. This has had two negative effects, besides a few positive ones we don't want to get into. One - the language is no more the perfect-to-each-word kind. In fact it is molested big time, particularly in the Hindi News Channels. Two - the content and the way it is handled often gets pretty funny.

A popular joke about Indian News Channels goes like this - a guy charged with murder is being hanged. Our samwaad-data is standing by his side with a mike in hand. Now the bakwaas goes like this: Mai abhi uss sthaan-a par-a khada hoon jahaan Kaalia ko phaansi di jaa rahi hai. Aaiye Kaaliya se poochte hain wo kaisa mehsoos karr rahe hain is waqt. Kaaliya refuses to speak, and the scene is pulled back to the box by the left of the news-reader. This gives the news-reader a chance to ask her questions. It would be anything stupid like - Kaaliya ham-a jaanna chahte hain ki aapne aaj subah kya kiya. It doesn't matter. Possibly these news-readers are paid purely based on the number of questions they ask.

And the correspondents, it seems, are paid for bringing breaking-news. It's normally the same accross all channels and has to be something spicy by definition. The recent one, for days and weeks, has been anything related to Aish-Abhi marriage. Another was that Richard Gere gave pappies in public to our very own Shilpa aunty and she enjoyed them and that it had offended the sentiments of Indians. It had to. Public display of affection is totally against Indian culture - so say some learned Hindus. They should get it removed from orkut also as a possible turn-on. At least for all Indian orkutters. Nothing should tempt our playful hormones.

The quality of news has deteriorated. Most of the time the news we are given is not at all the news that matters. Perhaps our news channels are not mature enough to handle 24 hours of news coverage. They often end up relegating items of prime importance, just like what our news-papers do. Probably they assume that Indian audience is too dumb. I guess most news-papers too in India have similar opinions about Indian readers. Added to that, most of our english language news-papers propagate incorrect english and deprecated Victorian usages which the Britishers taught our baniyas and clerks to write applications, letters and reports. Things will get funnier and less meaningful with time if we don't immediately bring in professional standards into our news coverage. It is time that our news-media realized the huge responsiblity associated with their job. The billion people in India deserve a much more mature level of awareness.

Media is like an orchestra. It has musicians, singers, composers, directors, and instruments. We have all of them, and in plenty. We know the notes, yet we play the wrong tunes at times. We have all the instruments, yet we are not always sure how to play them. Our choir sings, but is not directed well. Our composers are confused in their choices of pitch and scale. It's a phase every orchestra passes through. It can't help the noise that accompanies the music that it plays. What matters is how it recovers from it and grows itself in a responsible way. Perhaps each new step has such a phase of irresponsible and immature choices associated with it. Sometimes, such phases take very long to be overcome. But finally, music has the power to teach its composer how to bring it out into the world. It finds its own medium to spread itself.

Samjho Na...Kuch To Samjho Na...

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Religion

It is foolish to fight over one's concept of God which is not even chosen based on one's analysis, but is inherited by birth. Religion, per sé, is one's 'belief' of the realities of the Universe, creation, the Creator and the various ways one can please Him/Her to win favours. I don't know whether the concept of gender applies to the Creator Community. If it does, then Gods should be able mate and multiply. And if it doesn't, there is the possibility of asexual reproduction. Our fun-loving Hindu Gods seem to have gone extinct after a few generations of polygamous procreation. The Gods in most other religions are not so human. Many define them as formless, nameless, all pervading, transcendental somethings that govern all existence. I believe that even Hinduism has the Human-like manifestations just for simplicity of understanding and ease of visualization for common people. I say this because there are deep and complicated concepts of transcendental and indefinable realities like Brahman, atman and the true self in the ancient Indian Philosophical texts that form the roots and structure of Hinduism and other religions that evolved in the Indian Subcontinent.

Humans have a perpetual hunger to know the the reality. We are gifted with an ability to think. If there is a Somebody, whom we call God, who has gifted us with this ability, then we can never know Him/Her unless He/She chooses to. And if there is no such Somebody, then the path of Science is a more meaningful one to follow. And even if there exists such a power, any attempt to verify its existence is in fact what we define as Science, at least a major part of its quest.

We are an intelligent species. We can turn off and on the various knobs of our brain as per situations. We follow logic when we go to a doctor to cure our sickness. We want to believe in the power of God when we pray. We think practially and don't complain when God doesn't grant our wishes. Sometimes we express our anger in front of idols. Sometimes we give up, but not fully. We want to believe that the dead come back. Yet we execute the bad people. We've travelled in the skies. We also want to believe in heaven and hell. And we pray at the graves of our loved ones who are no more. We kill animals to extinction. We keep some as pets and treat them as family members.

If scientific enquiry is natural to humans, so is ego. One would always want everyone else to believe the same as what he/she does. (Just a passing thought - is that reason why I blog?) We pass on our religious beliefs over generations. (Is that how every religion started - one person started believing something and was smart enough to make everyone believe in it and that passed over generations?) Our lives are too short and not all of us are so equipped as to build thories from scratch that compare with what already exist. Some of us try. Most of us accept what we are told. But almost all of us question it, either openly to the world, or to ourselves. We understand logic. So ignorance makes us uncomfortable. We feel weak, and ask God to make us strong. We fear to go against His wishes which are laid down as sets of rules. Those sets of rules are what we understand by religion. It's not belief any more. But why does every concept of God come with a set of teachings and rules that one should follow? Why does every religion teach a way of leading one's life?

Perhaps religion, the sets of rules as we see it today, is just law of the old times. We've replaced it with new laws for all practical purposes. And as we progressed to create new laws to govern ourselves in the changed times, we also made great progress in terms of knowledge about the universe and ourselves. However, this knowledge hardly contributed in a positive way to the concept of God - the Creator. And because the law of the old times is so closely associated with its concept of God, we are never able to fully pull ourselves out of it. God, perhaps, is the least understood and yet the most influential thought of Man Kind. And may be, the true "God" is something we have never even imagined. It is hard to know what colors are, if you are totally blind. All you can see is darkness.