Arun Going Onsite!

Boss - Arun, how are u?
Arun - I am fine Sir.
Boss - How is work going on?
Arun - Work is going fine sir.
Boss - Don't call me sir. Learn corporate culture. Call me Ravi.
Arun - Ok Ravi. I'm sorry.
Ravi - It's ok dude.
Arun - How is Tom?
Ravi - Good. We had a call last night.
Arun - Oh.
Ravi - You have to travel next week.
Arun - Really!
Ravi - Yes. It's a crucial project. You understand?
Arun - Ya Ravi. I'll try my best.
Ravi - Will you take your wife along?
Arun - Yes, and Chacchu too. We haven't gone out since long.
Ravi - Ok, that's good. Which class is he in?
Arun - Class 2
Ravi - Take care, the work should not be affected.
Arun - Didn't get you.
Ravi - You're taking family na...
Arun - So?
Ravi - Don't think it's a honeymoon. Lot of work there...
Arun - Yes, I understand. Work won't be affected. Don't worry.
Ravi - Ok. Thanks! Get some warm clothes. It's snowing there.
Arun - Yes, this weekend.
Ravi - Ok. I have a meeting. See you later. Bye!
Arun - Bye Ravi!
Mary - Hey Arun...what's up?
Arun - Yahoo! Going onsite!
Mary - Hey, control stupid! Congrats!!!
Arun - Thanks a lot yaar. Lot of preparations to do...travelling next week.
Mary - Yes, it will be fun.
Arun - Yes. I forgot to ask you, how is your hubby now?
Mary - He's ok. Still at home.
Arun - Oh, I'm sorry.
Mary - It's ok yaar.
Arun - Ok, what do u want from America?
Mary - Nothing.
Arun - No No, you have to tell something...
Mary - OffO, get whatever you feel like.
Arun - Ok yaar. Chal, I will give this news to my wife.
Mary - Yes Yes. And I am going to gym. Tata.
Arun - Tata.
Wife - Hello Hello
Arun - Hey Jaanu! What doing?
Wife - Just back from Chacchu's school.
Arun - Oh. I have to tell you something.
Wife - First I have to tell you something.
Arun - Me first.
Wife - Me first.
Arun - Me first.
Wife - Arun, please don't irritate me.
Arun - Ok, tell.
Wife - Chacchu talks a lot in the class. His Renu miss told me.
Arun - Oh, I will beat him tonight after you and I make love.
Wife - That won't help. Leave it, I will handle it.
Arun - Ok.
Wife - You had something to tell.
Arun - Haan. Darling, we are going America!
Wife - Stop your jokes.
Arun - No, seriously.
Wife - Really? Khao Kasam
Arun - Haan!!! Chacchu ki kasam.
Wife - WOW
Arun - Start packing. We have to go next week.
Wife - Shit. Chacchu's unit-tests next week.
Arun - Come on, don't worry about all that.
Wife - Kaahe?
Arun - We'll admit him in an American School.
Wife - Haan, he cannot speak any English. At least he won't talk in the class.
Arun - Waah...Love you.
Wife - I love you too Dinku.
Arun - Don't call me Dinku.
Wife - Dinku Dinku Dinku.
Arun - Ok bye.
Wife - Bye, Katti.
Arun - Over and Out.
Dina - Hey Arun, coming for coffee?
Arun - Yes honey, you call I come, I not come is not possible.
Dina - Stop that. I'll tell your wife.
Arun - Plz do that.
Dina - Arun...Tum last time serious kab hue they?
Arun - The day Chacchu was born.
Dina - Why?
Arun - His face looked similar to my neighbour's.
Dina - Oh. It happens.
Arun - What do you mean it happens?
Dina - Ok Ok, cool down. Now let's go and have coffee.
Arun - I'm not interested. You go.
Dina - I'm sorry Arun.
Arun - It's ok. Leave me alone for some time.
Dina - Ok. Bbbye
Arun - Paro, u there?
Paro - Yes. Why are u in invisible mode?
Arun - Just like that.
Paro - Wassup?
Arun - Nothing great.
Paro - Had breakfast?
Arun - Yes.
Paro - What did u eat? I ate one aaloo-ka-paratha.
Arun - I ate shit. Why do u daily ask the same question?
Paro - Coz I care for you. Ok, now I won't ask.
Arun - I'm sorry yaar. I am a little upset.
Paro - Why? What happened?
Arun - Forget it. I'm ok now.
Paro - Ok. Aur kya chal raha hai?
Arun - I am going onsite.
Paro - WoW! Congrats.
Arun - Thanks dear.
Paro - BRB.
Arun - Ok.
Raja - Hey Arun, let's have some coffee.
Arun - Kya bey. Mood nahi hai abhi.
Raja - Chal Saale. Rani khadi hai balcony mein.
Arun - You go and watch her.
Raja - Come on yaar. She is looking atom-bomb today.
Arun - Really? Accha chal.
Raja - Abey jaldi chal.
Arun - Can't walk faster.
Raja - Chhod, wo chalee gayee.
Arun - Shit.
Raja - You spoiled my mood.
Arun - Chal, I'll give u treat...aaj lunch meri taraf se.
Raja - Why?
Arun - Going Onsite!
Raja - Saale Kutte.
Arun - What?
Raja - Lunch is not enough. Treat at Taj!
Arun - HmmHmm. No way. Kat Le.
Raja - ok, Bye
Arun - Abey sun to.
Raja - Mujhe jana hai, kaam hai...see you later, bye.
Arun - Hey Rani
Rani - Hii, how are you?
Arun - I was passing this way. Socha tumhara haal chaal pooch loon.
Rani - Haan, I saw you with Raja. You duffer!
Arun - Come on. He's an idiot. Can't help it.
Rani - So, how's life going?
Arun - Am going onsite.
Rani - When?
Arun - Next week.
Rani - WOW. Treat Treat!
Arun - Why not. Dinner tonight at Taj?
Rani - I am a little busy tonight.
Arun - Tomorrow?
Rani - Tomorrow in my boy-friend's B'day.
Arun - Ok, day-after-tomorrow?
Rani - Ok, day-after-tomorrow.
Arun - Great!
Rani - Isee bahane I will meet your wife.
Arun - Oh, you won't.
Rani - Why?
Arun - She's going to Bhusawal tomorrow.
Rani - Why?
Arun - To spend some time with her MoM before going to America.
Rani - Oh. Anyways, some other time.
Arun - Yes. Chalo, I'll do some work now.
Rani - Ok.
Arun - So day-after-tomorrow is pakka na?
Rani - Okies.
Arun - Keep yourself free. We'll go directly from office.
Rani - How?
Arun - On my Activa, of course!

I will host KBC

Now with Shahrukh Khan hosting KBC, I am also excited to try hosting it. I am sure some day I will also get a chance. "After Shahrukh, who?"...this question is giving sleepless nights to many...I have the answer..."Me, of course!!!"

Let's analyze what have been the USPs of Big B and King Khan in the show. Big B displayed a lot of energy, style, charisma, manliness, confidence, intelligence, wit, humour, friendliness, yet distance to an appropriate degree from the participants. Shahrukh, on the other hand, is concentrating on humour, sarcasm, style, friendliness, energy, youthfulness, dimples, and lady contestants...coz he feels he is stronger than Big B in all these departments. Shahrukh is failing in the first six of his target areas coz for those, he needs fundoo acting skills and he's goofin up. While for Big B, his areas mentioned above are not in fact his target areas, but are rather his actual qualities and he is one of the best in all of them. And he's a great actor as well. So he can fake a lot of qualities whenever he wants to, unlike Shahrukh.

Now without bothering too much about comparing the two hosts KBC has seen so far, let's now think about where I stand as far as becoming a KBC host is concerned. Let's look at the most important of the qualities which both Big B and Shahrukh seem to display...

1.Energy: This is my biggest problem-area. I never look energetic. Most people take that as disinterest, and they are not often wrong. I don't feel continuously and consistently interested in anything. I guess it is like that for everyone, but for me, the initial period when I am interested is pretty small. So I have to do something such that viewers don't feel I am dragging myself through the show. I have thought for a long time about this. It is against my basic instincts. I don't think I can manage being so energeting and enthusiastic for long. Just look at those chairs they sit on. I cannot climb and sit so high up and then get down again and again to go and massage Guggi or whoever, or shake hands, or hug, etc. etc.

2.Humour: My worst experience at having to be humourous was in a BSchool interview I attended last year. Misled by a friend of mine, I had written in the application that I had a good sense of humour and I immensely loved Physics. I hadn't imagined the implications of this until I entered the interview hall. Soon after "Hello Sir Hello Mam", I was given a high-school Physics textbook (Resnik & Halliday), asked to open any page at random and explain whatever was in there. I collided with 2-dimensional collisions. I explained all that to the best of my ability. Those block-heads surely didn't understand anything. Next, they asked me to crack a joke, coz I'd claimed that I had a stupendous sense of humour. Now the problem is, I don't remember jokes, and am very bad at narrating them even if some manage to come to my mind after thinking for a long time. For example, the only joke that I normally remember is the following (I heard it from my best friend during my KG classes, and have never forgotten it):

- There was a thief whose name was Chaddi. One day he stole something from somebody and was being chased by a mob. Everyone was shouting "Chaddi ko pakdo, Chaddi ko pakdo". Hearing this, sabne apni chaddi pakad lee. Then Chaddi ran and climbed a tree. So everyone started shouting "Chaddi ko utaaro, Chaddi ko utaaro". Ye sunke sabne apni chaddi utaar dee. (EOJ)
 
I'm sorry about the quality of the joke, but, I don't know why, I can't remember any other joke, and I can't forget this Chaddi-joke ever.

I didn't want to tell this Chaddi-joke in the interview and I couldn't think of any other joke. The interviewer clearly felt that either I didn't really have any good sense of humour, or I was too scared to crack a joke in front of him. Well, I could tell him theories on why a person with a good sense of humour does not have to be good at cracking jokes, but then, who listens :-(((

So it seems like something in my brain doesn't like storing jokes, though I do enjoy listening to them sometimes...i.e., for some time until I lose interest. And I am very bad at narrating them...I have tried a lot of times, it doesn't work out...even the Chaddi-joke, whenever I have told that to someone, he/she has given me a was-that-a-joke kind of look. Looks like I can't help myself even in this department.

Well, I am losing interest in this topic :-( Will try to concentrate for some more time...

3.Style: Big B has his charming tip-top style. His voice evokes respect and arouses curiosity in the listeners. He is like the best prof in the college...who doesn't take attendance, yet every student wants to attend his lectures coz he teaches brilliantly. His body-language is superb and his personality is exquisite. Shahrukh on the other hand has a unique haqlu style. His voice is thin and he occasionally tries to make it sound thick by speaking loud and at a high pitch. He has a nice smile; those dimples are enough to woo ladies, and he uses them efficiently. He looks more down-to-earth and friendly, possibly because of his rise from middle-class to stardom. It's my guess that it's easier to talk to Shahrukh than to Big B.

Ok, now let's see what I've got. I'm also very down-to-earth, coz I have been in the middle-class all through. I think I look good in suit. I have worn it a couple of times...on important occasions. I always forget to keep a hanky though. I walk like a robot. That's how I look, though I try my best to walk like Sanjay Dutt. I have a nice voice...more lady-killing than that of either of the gentlemen. But without being energetic, I am not sure how much of an impact I can make with that voice. My body language is very bad. I don't move a lot. And I speak without expressions. When I smile, I look sad. I struggle a lot with expressions. For example, when I have to show elation and joy when my friend comes and tells me very very happily that he has done "that" first time, the expression that really comes out is of "Saala u did it, so what? when will I do?" And God-Promise I don't mean anything like that. I don't know how to go about fixing this problem. My face has got some serious aberrations. I try to show some expression, something else shows up and I'm screwed.

4.Youthfulness: I used to think I was very youthful until a few days back when a friend of mine said I am kiddish + kidlike = kid. I guess I might feel young at old-age. I understand youth to mean jawaani, that's when all "that" happens. By Youth most people mean the post teenage adults in the twenties. But at 41 if Shahrukh Khan is representing the Youth and is bringing Youthfulness into KBC, then I guess I still have a lot of time to come out of my kiddishness and kidlikeness, i.e., kidness.

Bahut ho gaya. This topic sucks. I am not hosting KBC.

Thread Ceremony

Mom is after me these days to perform my Thread Ceremony. There is a lot of high funda behind this ceremony. Once Threaded a guy born in a Brahmin Caste becomes a true Brahmin. No kidding ;-) But I don't think many young people know or care about that. What many do care about, is the fact that if you are not threaded, you cannot marry. That guy who mutters all the matras to marry you will kick you away if you are not Threaded. There are work-arounds of course. Bribe him, and wear a Thread at least during the Marriage ceremony, so that the ladies attending the marriage don't do Khusur-Phusur. You may simply lie. Afterall you don't get any certificate after being Threaded. But if your wife is overly religious and you do that telling-everything-true-true on the very first night, your marriage might both start and end up in soup.

Most of the Hindu ceremonies, and actually those of all the religions that I know of, don't give certificates of any form in the end. I think it is very important. I mean how do u know for sure whether Pados ki Mrs.Sharma is really "religio-legally" married to Mr.Sharma. I think all religions implicitly assume that a person who cheats God by lying to be something without performing the requisite ceremony will eventually be punished by God. Court marriages are a shade better. You get a certificate instantly. Even those who marry in "I do I do" style or in "Om Swaha" style have to get legal marriage certificates these days for a lot of reasons.

Well, Thread Ceremony is a very painful process. The scale and the exact procedure may vary, depending on which part of India and which subcaste you belong to. In one of them, lots of ladies are invited and they come and apply turmeric paste all over you and crack stupid Gharelu jokes and do LOL LOL and some do ROTFL too. Then you have to perform the long puja with the pujari. It's like sitting with him on the KBC Hot Seat, where he gets to do most of the talking. "Aayiye ham aur aap khelte hain kaun banega karodpati!!!!!! Dwiteeeaaaaya!!!" During the puja, there is one step where the being-threaded person's hair...that on the head...is shaved off. These days most guys get only a few strands cut off with scissors. That serves the purpose. It's easy to fool God. But still I am worried, coz each strand of hair on my head is valuable to me :-( However, it is definitely possible to avoid being touched all over by so many ladies. There are low-cost-less-maatha-pacchi alternatives available. Like go and get Threaded in a temple...don't invite anyone...just your family. People don't mind not being invited for such Thread Ceremonies. Just make sure you get some snaps and show them later. Otherwise...u know...Khusur-Phusur...

Life right now is already very heavily multi-threaded. One more thread will crash the application :-)

slapped on the road!

The funniest news item this morning: a guy slapped Greg Chappel in Bhubaneshwar to express his anger over non-inclusion of Oriya players in the Indian Cricket team. I have my sympathies with poor Greg. I can understand how he must have felt. Long back when I was 3 years old, I went to Tirupati with my family. I was a litil-litil small-small nanna-munna golu-molu baccha walking with small-small steps, holding mummy's hand with my left hand and a balloon with my right hand. 5 of us - Mummy, Daddy, Sister, Brother and I were walking side by side, heading for the temple for God's Darshan. As we were walking, I saw a mad woman coming from the opposite direction. She was definitely walking on the wrong side of the road. She was heading towards us. None of the biggies in my gang seemed to notice her coming. She was talking something to herself. I strained my neck and tried to look upwards. I saw that Mummy-Daddy were busy arguing over something; Brother-Sister were busy fighting over something. I was too down-to-earth to matter much to anyone. My smallness irritated and frustrated me all the time. There was nobody else of my size.

I grew more and more scared as the mad woman was coming nearer. And then, something happened which shook me to my core. The mad woman slapped me hard. She kept on walking, never stopped one moment. She just slapped me and went away, talking shit to herself. The balloon in my right hand flew away into the air. Still no one else from my gang came to know. I had to do something. I cried so loudly that it hurt my throat. I had to do it. It was a golden chance to attract attention and lots of ollelles from all of them. All of them bent to look at me. Mom hugged me, and asked why I was crying. I told her about the mad woman, and that she had slapped me. I'm sure the biggies in my gang must have felt like laughing. I didn't care to look at their expressions. I guess, whatever happened - I didn't consider it funny at all at that time. I cried for long after that. It was easy to cry in those days. I was taken to some restaurant and was offered something I liked. I ate it, and stopped crying. My left cheek was red for a long time, with marks of the mad woman's fingers. And for a long time, I wondered why the woman slapped me. Then we went for Darshan. I don't remember what I asked the God for. Surely not a first rank coz I hadn't joined school by then. Nothing, I guess.

is there a solution?

The racial abuse of Shilpa Shetty has been in news for a while. And with Jade Goody admitting that she made racist comments on the Indian actress, it is very clear now that Shilpa was indeed a victim of racial discrimination. Jade says "Sorry". But the question is, how much sorry is she of her thoughts on the whole issue of racism? She may be sorry for her behavior, coz that threw her out of the show. She may be sorry for having said all that, coz that made her infamous. But when are we humans going to attain the maturity befitting our claims of being the most intelligent living species on this planet?

I haven't seen people being discriminated based on color in India. Though physical affinities tend to be pretty biased to a very large extent due to natural instincts; but other than that, we normally treat everyone alike as far as our color differences are concerned. That's one breather because with the kind of diversity we have in terms of religion, caste, financial-status and geography, discriminations based on color would have added fuel to an already strong fire of various other kinds of racial and social discriminations prevalent in India. However, one very strange thing, and I don't know the reason for this, is that something makes us treat whites(the western whites) with more respect than we treat other foreigners. May be there is something genetic that reminds us that they ruled us for centuries and so are above us. Most white nations had the Industrial Revolution, which we sadly didn't. They are rich and powerful. They made colonies out of black and brown peoples' nations. Some white nations ruled on some other white nations as well. Is that the reason why we revere them?

Interestingly the Japanese were categorized as "Honorary Whites" in the ages of colonialism and were never treated like other non-whites, because Japan was a very rich and powerful country. That made even the Japanese claim to bear the White Man's Burden and start trying to set up colonies elsewhere. It's hard to imagine what the world-order would have been if Africa had been a rich continent with all the money and power. It might happen some day...

I think there is a serious problem with the basic human nature. I fear if all brown-skinned are treated as "Honorary Whites", they will only join the white gang and will start trying to rule the blacks. That's shameful.

Human thinking is quite screwed. No matter how much the human knowledge grows and how much we prosper technologically, the common man is never going to be so intelligent as to understand the bull-shit behind the dividing factors viz. race, religion, color, sex, etc etc. And it's the common man who really drives the world and its order. When I say common-man, it includes our leaders and rulers as well. They are experts at assuming and excercising power. But they come from among us, and lack the intellectual wisdom which the learned and the thinking people possess. The irony is that the latter, being exceptionally high in their thinking, knowledge and values consider power and everything else that's material as futile and worthless. And the common man, inspite of all his deficiencies, is the one who shapes the world.

The current world-scenario is a proof of this human weakness. These problems and dividing factors have been there for centuries now and are not really going away. Some of them have become more grave and ugly with time. As our knowledge and technological advancement are making us more and more powerful, we are increasingly becoming a danger to ourselves and our kind. Sometimes, it feels like we are on the brink of disaster...

I don't know if there is a solution. I even don't know if solution is possible in the first place. It's like a matrix. Rather, there are many matrices. Some of us who've come out of some matrices need to pull each other out of all of them and then start thinking...May be, we can change ourselves and change the world, thereby.

Mind and Information

I don't know if Managers think in terms of images. But I often end up with a spinning head after corporate presentations by Managers. Powerpoint - their best friend always turns me off. The most interesting thing about powerpoint which I have seen is that if you change the extention of a Powerpoint file from ppt to pps, it automatically becomes a slide-show file. I mean if you open a .pps file, it opens as a slide show. Similarly, change .pps to .ppt, and you can edit the slides. That's amazing.

The reason I talked about Managers thinking in images was that in most presentations, most Managers end up describing some image which they drew on powerpoint with great effort. The most favourite image is of a Pyramid. Most Managers would slice a pyramid at various leves and may be, cut it vertically too. And then they label all the blocks. Then they will describe each block, and its significance, Why the pyramid tapers, why we are at the 3rd level, why the vertical cut is a bottleneck for a syngergistic operation of the left and right blocks, why we should move up and what are the factors we should concentrate on so as to rise up. I don't know to what extent this imagery adds to clarity in understanding for others, but I often end up getting confused.

I think whenever there is a trend involved, we all have various ways of storing that information in the memory. When something increases or decreases, it may be remembered as a Pyramid. But one can also remember it as a downward or upward sloping straight line on rectangular coordinates. That has an added advantage of also telling you about what the x is with respect to which the y falls or rises. There could be many other ways people store information in their minds. Some may not use images at all. Some remember by relating the information to something else. Some may have videos...moving images. It may be sound for some. That's wonderful isn't it? The brain seems to save files in all formats. For example I can recall Shahrukh's voice. And as I recall it, I can feel the voice as if I am hearing it...yet I know I am just thinking about it. I can even think more about it and try to copy it by saying something aloud in my best imitation of that voice.

I don't think it's a good idea to avoid showing images altogether in presentations, because these are some standard images that make sense to a majority. And some people, mostly Managers, may have programmed their minds to understand or think in terms of those images. Possibly for this reason, all managers seem to understand each other. And others who have different ways of visualising data and trends tend to take time to grasp information shown in pictorial formats other than their own. So they end up taking longer time to process the information in their minds, convert into formats that their brain likes and end up appearing slow and confused. For me, not looking at the slides but just hearing to what the speaker says helps on some occasions. But as I said, some speakers go on describing their diagrams with all the pictorial details and I have no other option but to try to understand that figure. But then there could be people who understand diagrams better than spoken details. There could be people who are not good at reading and forming pictures in the mind. They may understand better if the picture itself is shown to them. Or there may be some people who remember in formats we cannot even think of. They just do an input-output...it just works. Even not all our data is in the form of images. It is a mix. It is far more complicated than that. How mind stores all the information is a mystery in itself.

It is definitely not possible to be well-intelligible to all. Better to follow standards, I guess.

One Monday Morning...

It was Monday morning. I was waiting for the red Pune-Station-to-Hinjewadi PMT bus. I had missed the company bus as usual. And just like on most Mondays, I couldn't find my access card on that day. It hid somewhere below the mattress or the two pillows. Everyday, before leaving for office, finding it is a painful task. Another is finding my comb. I can't go out without my comb. And that wretched thing always goes and sits at wrong places when I throw it after coming back from office. My Chemistry teacher Mr.Khan had developed a theory about hairs and combs. He used to say that if you ever happen to need a comb, just look around for a guy with the least amount of hair on his head. The probability of that guy keeping a comb is the maximum out of all those who are present. I used to laugh with everyone 7 years back whenever Mr.Khan gave us this funda. I had a lot of hair then...on the head and elsewhere...though I was secretly apprehensive about losing that on the head. Now a lot of people ask me for a comb. Particularly when I stand at bus-stops. It irritates me. I just give them an angry look and they don't dare to ask again.

This PMT bus never comes on time. Often it comes before-time, and I miss it. If it is not before-time, it is sure to be late. And I hate to wait. However that gives me time to check out some chicks at the bus-stop and form opinions about the standards of various Software companies around in terms of gals. It is important to be aware of such things to look cool in a Software company. Some call-center gals also wait for the PMT bus. But most call-center gals go by company-buses or company-cabs. We Software people are not pampered to that extent. And we don't get such hot gals as the Call-Centers do. Anyway, I don't complain. My IIT Education has taught me to be happy with what I have got.

As a timepass till the bus comes, I buy some chikki from a grocery shop near by. One small chikki for one rupee - the cheapest and the sweetest timepass in the whole world. I love chikki. No wonder it has a huge market in Mumbai and adjoining places. Lonavla ki chikki is very famous. Everyday I promise myself that I will start a company that will make chikkis and make it popular all over India. Lately, I have started seeing a Business Plan in everything. I have to quit Software at any cost and start a company very soon. Not that I have any exceptional business acumen or something. It is just that everyone talks of starting a company nowadays. So I also started thinking about it. It will at least make me look smart and ambitious.

Just as I was having my chikki, I remembered that I had to do Kapaal-Bhaati...Mom's order!!! She had asked me to do that every morning to get rid of my tummy. Baba Ramdev rocks!!! I forgot to do it as usual in the morning soon after getting up. I tried doing it some 20 times standing on the road...breathing in and out fast enough. I knew this was not the way to do it, but then...something is better than nothing. After the 20 ins and 20 outs, I ran my hand over my belly. It felt better.

Just then a chik in light blue salwar-kameez came walking and stopped at the bus-stop. I took a deep breath to pull in the tummy...pranayam...my friend Abhas calls it. Then I walked a little around the girl looking occasionally at my watch pretending to be getting restless because of the bus getting late. I flashed one tirchi nazar at her tag. HMMM...Infy Gal! Infy gals have good dressing sense - I make a mental note. Then I stood by her side, at about 5 feet distance. I moved closer, 3 feet distance now...breathing out more air than I was taking in. I looked at my watch again. The girl moved a couple of steps behind me. I hate standing or sitting in front of girls coz if they are tall enough they can see my chaand. It is so embarrassing. I spend hours in front of the mirror to get some hair right there, on top. It is not an easy job pulling upstairs all the hair from the sides with a mirror in one hand and a comb in another and looking at another mirror in front. You may set that to perfection, but light and air are a bald man's biggest enemies. Both expose his tragic reality to the cruel world. As you can make out, I am pretty emotional about my hair. I can go on talking endlessly about how sad my life has become from the moment I discovered that I was going to be bald...and believe me, I didn't discover it long before I was almost bald. Heredity played it's part, though a little too early for my age. Like all bald-men's sons, I was always confident that I was not going to be bald until I discovered that I was almost one.

I took 2 steps backward. I looked down, and found that my right shoe's lace had come off. I needed to tie it. But how could I bend down? The girl would see my bald patch. I decided that I was not going to tie the lace, come what may.

My office is just near Infy. So it was sure that the girl was going to catch the same bus as I was. I decided that I'd sit by her side if possible, i.e., if she sits on a seat with no one else sharing it. Normally 2 people sit on a seat in buses in Pune. And the bus to Hinjewadi is normally not very crowded.

I tried to smell myself by pulling up the collars of my T-Shirt to my nose. Shit, I forgot to spray the deo. I am fed up of myself. Whenever I feel I need to smell good, I find that I have forgotten to spray the deo. This was not the first time. I punished myself by throwing the half-eaten chikki on the road. A part of me was almost about to cry. Thank God, the other part constitued my UI.

Just then a Thunderbird came and stopped right in front of me. It had a guy on it - a muscle-man wearing a cap. I wondered whether he was also bald. He smiled. Not at me, but at the girl. I turned to look at her. She smiled too. They seemed to know each other. Her dupatta was hanging backwards about her neck. She pulled it down a little from her neck to cover her assets. He was looking right there. Kutta Kamina! I was raging in fury. 'She is mine. How dare you?' I shouted in my mind. That guy waved his hand at her. She walked 4 steps to the bike and sat behind that guy. She was struggling hard to fit herself on the small back seat of the Thunderbird. It is really not designed for ladies. The girl should rather buy a Honda Activa and get rid of such guys. I decided that I'd suggest this to her if she comes to the bus-stop on Tuesday morning.

She was gone with the guy. The Thunderbird took them away. I sat and tied the shoe-lace that came off. I tightened the other one too. Just then the bus arrived. I waved my hand to stop it. As usual, it stopped 20 feet ahead of where I was standing. I ran and enetered the bus through the rear entrance.

I reached the office by about 10.35 AM. My office is in a nice building. If you see from the outside, you will see all glass walls except for columns which are of concrete. It shines brilliantly in the sun. Once in a few days you can spot a man hanging by a rope and cleaning those glass walls. I observe him as I enter and tell myself 'That's a nice job :-('.

I was stopped at the gate by the security guard as he could not see my ID-Card-cum-Access-Card hanging by my neck. I had come without bringing it along. So I got a special visitor pass which gives limited access inside the company. In simple terms, it means that I can open a few doors and cannot open the others. So for the others, I have to run after someone who's going through.

Unlike companies like Infy and TCS, my company does not care about what its employees wear. It is work that really matters. Sometimes even that doesn't. Sometimes you can manage without working for months. Welcome to the IT Industry!

Aishwara Abhishek Engaged

Finally Ahishek Bacchan proposes and Aishwarya instantly says yes. And the very next moment they get engaged. I can imagine how all this must have happened. First the B and R families got together and decided let's do it publicly, it's time to declare. Abhishek, Aishwarya and Amitabh must have rehearsed some fundoo dialogues and expressions etc. Jaya aunty must have practiced some crying and hugging. Sad she got no dialogues.

Then in the middle of the party, when everyone was talking about Gurukant Desai, Abhishek got down on his knees and shouted loud - Aishwarya, I love you...will you marry me? And Aishwarya said YES instantly with both her palms covering her nose - Miss World Style. She tried to cry, tears were not coming out. Then Abhishek pulled a ring out of his pocket. Amitabh laughed a big HAHAHA. Jaya aunty also put both her hands on her nose, trying to copy Aish, and then cried loudly without opening her mouth EEEEEEEEENNNN. Luckily, she managed some tears. Then Aish held her hand forward to Abhishek. She first showed him the ganda finger which she had showed to 2 other guys previously. Abhishek got scared. He was about to cry. But he hadn't practiced this scene. So he was looking at big-B to get some tips on how to go ahead with this. Then Aish smiled and gave Abhishek her ring finger. He quickly pushed her finger into the ring. And he had clean-shaven today for what was the next to come. He kissed Aish right there. Aish was thinking ki Hritik was better. And Abhishek was thinking ki did she have fun? Was he better?

My blessings to the nav-engaged and soon vivaahit jodi. Kuch baatein ho chuki hain, kuch baatein abhi hain baaki. Bauchaar ek padi hai, barsaatein abhi hain baaki!!!

Women drive the Markets

According to a survey 93% of the youth in the cities prefer arranged marriage. I believe that everything in the market, right from what sells to the hottest trends, is driven by what women want. Though it is never very clear what women want, and it is also not possible that all women want same things, the market is definitely driven by a section of females. It may not represent the views of the majority, but it creates an environment where most others would want to follow. And women pull children and men with them. So if you please the female customers, the rest come automatically. That explains why Ham Aaapke Hain Kaun was such a big hit. During my childhood days at Bilaspur I noticed that a popular advertizing punchline for any movie or a sale was Mahilaaon ki Vishaal Bheed. I used to shift words and say Vishaal Mahilaon ki Bheed and laugh to myself.

The Controversial Gandhi Video

Curious about what the Gandhi video, which sparked a controversy, is all about, I decided to watch it. Thankfully Hindustan Times, in its article reporting that 2 Indian TV channels expressed regret for airing the video, also provided a link. The link was to Gautam Prasad's page and that has the link to the video.

The video titled "Time to get sexy" is of 3.24 min duration. It starts with Gautam Prasad, dressed like Gandhi, dancing on a Pubjabi Bhangra number in front of live audience. He's put a ball on his nose like a clown. He's worn a white dhoti and has another white clothe covering his top. Now as he dances, he first throws away the top white clothe...then takes off his dhoti...there's still one langoth (I've always wondered what's the correct spelling of this word). There is a pole in the middle of the hall in which this dance is shot. After he's free of his dhoti, Gautam now starts a pole-dance...making some obscene (and funny) gentures once in a while...like itching his ass...

I could not understand much of whatever happened in the last one minute of the video. The mime ended with Gandhi (played by Gautam) accidentally pulling the pole out of its base support. The pole falls down. Gandhi is totally flummoxed. Then he walks to where the audience are seated and pulls a guy up on stage. Then Gandhi goes and hides behind a door just behind the middle of the stage, peeping once in a while. And this guy from the audience seems confused too. He comes and fixes the pole back over its support and goes back. Then Gandhi comes out, stands near the pole and the video ends. All through the shoot, Gautam stood with a slight stoop and the legs bent a little at the knees...a posture depicting that of an old Gandhi.

I would say that the mime was definitely quite creative and artistically enacted and it would be pretty funny as well if watched live. I don't want to get into the rights and wrongs of creating a video like this or of doing such a mime in the first place. There are papers, politicians, and news channels to do all that. Let's talk about other things.

Gautam Prasad is a Bengalooru (a.k.a Bangalore!!!) born, Indian-Amrikan - just like my client. But guess what...Prasad went to US to become a clown, not a Software Engineer. Or may be, he became a clown by accident, or because he couldn't become anything else. But after working for 2 years as a clown in the most well-known circus in the US - Ringling Brothers, Prasad promoted himself as a stand-up comedian. He also performs as a clown in private events. May be this video was shot in one such event. And now he's become a Yoga teacher too! He's got a nice little web-site as well. I was happy to see his email id - it's on hotmail. Whatever be the reason he uses hotmail for, but the point is that he uses hotmail and so do I. And believe me...everyone - be it my friend or girl-friend...has something to advise me whenever I give him/her my email id. These days everyone suggests gmail. For me, it sucks. I mean gmail sucks. I never find the compose message option in it without searching for a long time. It doesn't have many other useful options. And the interface is so boring. I don't understand why people don't like hotmail. It's really cool.

The best part of Gautam's website is his biodata. It has 2 parts. A bakwaas one under Bio... and a serious one under But Seriously... I don't want to copy it here...do check it out...

New Year Resolutions

The reason I have not been blogging lately is that I was trying to preserve material for my Book. Yes, I have been trying to write a book. A novel. But as I wrote a couple of pages, I realized that blogging is entirely different from writing a novel or fiction. This might seem pretty obvious to many, but I have learnt it from experience. And it has been one wow of an experience. Over the past few days, one part of me has been fighting with the other part of mine. One says, WTF, just blog. Write whatever comes to u'r mind. The book is a long term affair. You cannot wait that long. Can you? And the other one is pretty determined on writing a book. Hey, just don't blog. All those ideas can somehow be put together in your book. That will help finish the book faster. And you are not paid, anyway, for blogging. Better to get the book out soon.

I listened to the second part of me for quite some time. But then, as I started working on my book, I found that it is a different cup of tea altogether. Just like a good writer need not necessarily be good in conversation or speaking abilities, and vice versa, so it is between blogging and writing hard-core literary stuff. Though there is a good overlap between blogging and novels or fiction in terms of the style, topics and presentation and there are many examples I can think of. The latter contradictory view forces me back to trying to produce a bigger work. So finally I make my mind to do both. That way I can appease both parts of me, which are figting each other all the time. And moreover, I have begun to feel that there can be no limit to creativity, thoughts and ideas. I can have both rolling at full speeds and with the richness that they deserve.

So, I have another to add to my list of New Year resolutions. This is the first time I've seriously made resolutions and I am seriously working on them too...

Here's the list:

- Quit Drinking
- Write A Novel
- Buid Body ASAP
- At Least One Blog Entry Per Day

I hope I am not forgetting any resolution :-)