Ghajini

Never before did I see a movie named after its villain. Yes, Ghajini is the name of the villain. Whatever the word means, I don't think there can be an acceptable excuse for naming a movie after its villain. So it's not Amir Khan in and as Ghajini, nor is it Asin. Ever since I heard about Ghajini, I had been thinking it must be the heroine's name. But when I saw the movie today, I found it weird that it wasn't so, in spite of the word sounding so feminine.

Well, there was a lot more that was weird in the movie. I'd call it funny, rather than weird, coz weird is a very respectful word and the movie does not deserve so much respect.

The movie starts with a wonderful video showing the insides of the brain - the neurons in beautiful patterns, connected to each other through their dendrites (if my long-term memory is working fine, that's what they are called. But it fails me most of the time, so am not sure). I know from reading a few books on brain that those junctions at which the neurons are connected with each other are seats of our memory (besides something called hippocampus). Thus our memory consists of lots of information in bits and pieces scattered all over our brains. It is believed that the brain classifies all that information through associations and relationships. How we save and retrieve data is not known with any certainty, but ya, as per the movie, if you are hit by an iron rod twice on your head, one of the things that can happen is that you might lose your long-term memory and an ability to convert your short-term memories into long-term ones. That's what happened with Amir Khan, named Sanjay Singhania in the movie.

Though it was too big a leap for the Indian Cinema to talk about brains, memories and stuff, the makers of Ghajini did screw up in neat, clean and simple manner in a lot of places; such that any person with reasonable common sense and short-term memory could notice and appreciate that bollywood lived up to its tradition. Plus, Amir did a great job of playing Rajni Kant and Sunny Paa Ji at various points in the movie. I would have liked to see the Shahrukh inside him too, but I guess the 8-packs had killed his softer side. He was more fond of howling like Tarzan than talking anything romantic with the girl, who, by the way, was very cute. I have fallen in love with her; somebody go and tell her please.

So Mr. Sanjay Singhania's problem was that he had lost his long-term memory, and at the same time, his brain could not convert its short-term memory to a long-term one. His short-term memory had a time span of 15 minutes. But there was a funny catch here. The short-term memory problem did not mean that at any point of time Amir remembered whatever happened over the past 15 minutes from that very moment. His memory, in fact, flushed itself every 15 minutes, and once it did that, fresh memory got stored for the next 15 minutes and so on. It's amazing the brain could work in periods of 15 minutes each. (Can this be called quantization of memory?). I am wondering when the first period started. It could be the moment the head was hit. Or it could be some time after that. Or it could be the moment Amir got up every morning from sleep. But then, here's the funnier part. Amir kept a clock with him all the time, that rang an alarm every 15 minutes to indicate to Amir that his memory had been flushed. (How can it be so perfectly timed, I don't understand). This brings back to me memories from the days when I used to be a Software Engineer by designation and claim to be a Java Programmer. I remember from timepass at Geometric Software Solutions Co. Ltd. that Java has something called a Garbage Collector - a program built into the Java Virtual Machine (it's a bigger program that executes the Java bite-code created after compiling any Java program). The Garbage Collector is a process that runs periodically. It does the job of cleaning up, deleting unwanted objects (data) and clearing the memory for reuse. It seems the Garbage Collector for Amir ran after every 15 minutes and somehow, by mistake, it classified every piece of information as unwanted and deleted it.

The movie starts with Jiah Khan, a medical student, wanting to take up Amir Khan's case for a course project. She seems like one of those good students, whose asses itch all the time to do challenging stuff, original work, not copy, not globe, learn and come first. Such people don't share their notes, don't tell what they study and where they study that from, and are teachers' pets. I used to be like that in school, but then I deteriorated (or improved?) continuously thereafter. Coming back, Jiah's prof says no to her request to study Amir, coz Amir has police case running on him, which makes him a risky thing to study. Jiah insists (the itch again), but finally gives in.

How does Amir do his basic stuff in spite of all the problems with his head? How does he survive? Thrive? Jiah asks the prof. The prof says, a lot of stuff Amir does by instinct and by stuff in his subconscious mind. And for his day-to-day activities, Amir manages by writing notes, lots of them.

Hmmmm, so after a scene where Amir beats up a guy, kills him, takes his pic with a Polaroid camera, gets Ghajini's number from his cellphone and some more info about Mr. Ghajini Dharmatma, we move to Amir's house.

It's a flat in Hiranandani, at a walking distance from IIT Bombay (Powai, Mumbai - 400076). I used to go there with a few other frustu guys on weekends to see girls and have aalu ka paratha in Galleria. 2 Parathas for 25 bucks. And very tasty too.

Don't know what Amir had for food, he was never shown eating. His flat was in a very posh locality. (He stayed there coz it reminded him of Asin, at a subconscious level I suppose). Inside, his house was a scary place. Every nook and corner was labelled. Amir enters, keeps his pistol, wallet, camera, pics, etc. in their designated places and goes to sleep.

As he gets up, he gives the wondering idiot look - mai kahaan hoon - and then goes to the bathroom, which has stuff written all over. Somewhere on its mirrors, it is written take off your shirt, and that's where Amir gets a chance to flaunt his 8-Packs. But then, you see things written all over his body which served as reminders. He had written things like Revenge, Ghajini, Kill Him, people's mobile numbers, etc. etc. all over his body. So when Amir sees all this in the mirror, he goes nuts, does a Tarzan + Sunny Deol for some time, runs around like crazy, does push ups, gymnastics, runs on a treadmill and then calms down and quietly takes care of his morning ablutions.

Some of his reminders were written very intelligently and strategically. Like when he wears his socks, he finds a note etched on his feet that asks him to take care of something. I am sure he had stuff to look at when he peed. That must be the most important stuff, the heroine's name or something, stuff that he shouldn't miss by any chance. But alas, the movie skipped that detail. But one thing is for sure - a mental case like Amir can't do all this alone, without anyone's help. But then, if we think so much, just like dogs, even we can't enjoy motion picture.

To help him recall stuff, Amir keeps a polaroid camera, probably with perpetually running batteries. He takes pics of anything important and writes a note below it, so as to make sense of it later. Amir's doc is the same guy as Jiah's prof. So when Amir goes to meet his doc, he stumbles upon Jiah, who had seen Amir's pic on her prof's computer. As soon as she sees Amir, her itch comes back with all its intensity. She makes him sit with her and asks him questions about how he manages and stuff. Amir tells her about his camera, his alarm clock etc. She asks him to take her pic twice, one copy for Amir, one for her. Amir obeys, writes "My Friend" below both copies, gives one to Jiah and keeps one in his pocket.

Meanwhile, a police officer tracks down Amir through a bus ticket he left at the house of the guy he killed a little while ago for Ghajini's info. The cop goes to Amir's house, fights with him, hits him on his head and then ties him down. And then he starts searching Amir's house frantically, and gets hold of Amir's diary. And then... the flashback...

Asin does modelling for an ad-making company. She is this nice, cute, playful, talkative and simple girl (à la Basanti), who loves street kids and helps blind people cross the road. And to the latter, she offers additional services like a running commentary of what's happening around the place. And Amir is a Harvard graduate, who has come back in India to run the company his dad had established and dreamt of making big. It's a mobile service provider and has biiiiig targets in terms of cell-phone subscription levels and global expansion.

I think I am getting into a lot of detail. I suggest you do go and watch the movie yourself coz, anyway, you need to see the movie first and not like it much so as to appreciate my post. I'm going to be brief from here on.

Amir's men come to meet Asin (Kalpana Shetty) at her workplace because they need her permission to put a hoarding, showing their company's ad, on top of her house. And from bits of their conversation with Asin that her boss overhears, he misunderstands that Amir has sent his men to ask Asin out. Asin refuses to allow for the hoarding. Her boss thinks she refused to go out with Amir (typical bollywood-kollywood-tollywood funda - didn't hear the most important words and got the wrong message and that made all the difference). Her entire office now feels she has an affair with Amir - the great business tycoon - and Asin enjoys this little moment of fame and never tells them it's not true.

A lot of bla happens around this, like Asin unknowingly gives an interview to Mayapuri magazine about her affair with Amir. Amir gets all heated up when he sees that article, goes to check her out and set things straight, but when he sees her he is all impressed with her qualities that I mentioned above. He can't talk to her properly, gets shy and nervous, like me. He does not tell her he is the Sanjay Singhania she's been saying she's having an affair with. He pretends to be someone else, looking for work. Asin promises to help, very soon gets him a chaddi ad to shoot for. They go out often, get close, Amir proposes, she accepts, Amir still hides he is Sanjay Singhania to make sure Asin does not love him coz of his money.

Some more bla - Asin has to get Sanjay Singhania as the chief guest to a party her boss organizes. And since no one has seen the new-in-India Sanjay, she tries to train Shahrukh's look-alike she knows to act as Sanjay in the party. But then Amir makes fun of his style during the rehearsals, then impresses Asin with some celebrity tricks and gets to play himself as chief guest for the party. Huh! And then, he turns up for the party in style, everyone thinks he is Sanjay, Asin thinks she knows he is not Sanjay, Amir - who is actually Sanjay as we know - even writes a cheque of 5 lacs for charity, etc. etc. My friend Hitesh says all this was meant to make fun of Shahrukh Khan, but I think it did not come out so clearly and so well.

A little more bla - when Amir proposes to Asin, she accepts after a night's thinking, but then she has taken a vow... that she won't marry until she buys 3 Ambassador cars, coz her dad owned 3 of those in the 1990's and had to part with them coz her uncle cheated her dad, who died soon thereafter... So Asin buys one Ambassador car the very next day so that she can marry Amir sooner, takes some street kids and Amir for a drive, Amir drives... Phew!!!... And then, a little later, Amir has to go to London for a 10-day business trip, but he tells Asin that he's going to his village coz his mom is sick, and that he is planning to sell his ancestral land to arrange money for her treatment. And hearing this, Asin sells her newly bought Ambassador car and gives the money to Amir, says don't sell the land, it's ancestral and stuff, take this 1.35 lacs, go to your mom and come back soon! Wow, it can't get any better than this! It's driving me crazy!!!

As you can see, it's getting more and more uninteresting. But interestingly, this was the part I enjoyed the most. That's what love does to you! (i.e., mine with Asin). I'd recommend the movie only due to the parts in which Asin was there. Amir is not worth anything. I don't like his acting, his style, or anything he is admired for. Asin rocks in the movie. When she was there, everything illogical seemed logical, everything stupid seemed cute...

I am not going to tell the remaining story. In short, the flash-back is shown in 3 pieces - the first 2 are in 2 different diaries of Amir read by the Police Inspector and Jiah respectively, and the last was narrated by a lady to Jiah. Jiah, I felt, was the most irritating character in the movie. God cure her itches. Amen. In the end of all flashbacks, Asin is killed by Ghajini, in front of Amir. Amir is hit by a rod a couple of times and phurrrrr goes his memory, short-term, long-term whatever. And for no reason at all, Amir keeps his head shaven thereafter, with a little bit of hair. I say this because in the end, when every score is settled, Amir is shown with fully grown hair. So I don't understand why a newly short-term memory guy would want to shave his head once in 10 days (I can estimate the duration from my experience). Also in the bald look, there is a line of stitch on his head towards its right, which makes the thhobda look sexy (from a girl's point of view). Reminds me of Mridul, my school friend, who used to stick a band-aid tape on one side of his forehead without any injury coz it looked sexy (from a girl's point of view).

In a scene inserted in a very vague fashion (Amir was in the hospital, then suddenly shown at home, and then again in the hospital), Ghajini tries to erase all his traces from Amir's memory-recall mechanism by striking off all that Amir had written over his body and cleaning up all the stuff that Amir had written all over his house. He doesn't pull down Amir's shorts though. I am sure he missed erasing quite a few vital clues which later helped Amir get aroused (and kill Ghajini). He also destroys all of Amir's pics and his camera. I think this was one of the most stupid things shown in the movie - erasing and destroying stuff that helped Amir recall Ghajini - coz there were many people who knew Amir and could tell him about Ghajini (that's how Jiah came to know the facts). Otherwise how did Amir know who killed whom and whom to kill and for what? Some of it was through a faint recall of Asin saying Ghajini's name when she was dying. But beyond that, it's globe. The movie shows Jiah helping Amir recall everything that Ghajini did and bringing out the Tarzan in him.

Interestingly Jiah was the one who earlier went and warned Ghajini that he must beware Amir, who wanted to kill him at any cost. She even got Amir caught by the police by trapping him in the lift of her girls' hostel. (Thank God, girls' hostels at IIML don't have lifts). The police injected Amir with whatever they use to make mad people unconscious, and then stripped him of all clothes except pants, and called up every guy whose number was etched on his body. Only Ghajini's number worked. Ghajini turned up, identified Amir as Sanjay Singhania and said Amir was his friend. Soon Amir's doc and managers turned up from nowhere and bailed him telling the police that he's a psycho case. At this point I got irritated by the tam-gult-ness of the movie.

Finally, Amir's love story and the truth of Ghajini, which Jiah figured out by asking a random woman (not really random coz she was a witness to Asin's murder in a way... wonder how in movies people always find the right person to ask the right question and get the answers too, all that in a flash), made Jiah take Amir's side and so she helped Amir kill Ghajini in the end.

The movie ended with Amir happily settled, spending his time with kids at an orphanage, hair fully grown now. Jiah visits often. Itch never dies.

One question - Can a person with short-term memory (of say 15 minutes) and no way of transferring stuff to long-term storage, be aware, rather 'know' in any way that he has this memory problem? I guess he can, if he writes on his body - "I have a short-term memory, can't remember beyond 15 minutes into past."... similar to what Amir did haan?

some eco-talk

Another set of exams finished a couple of days back. Then we had the gruelling Summer Placements where I made it to TBSL. I have got into this habit of posting once after every mid-term and end-term exam, which I desperately want to change. I wish I could post once every day. Won't make a resolution this time, but ya, am going to be more frequent now on in updating my blog. Promise!

The current financial crisis has left many thinking about how good we are at managing the resources of this world. Economics, which such an endeavor is called, has evolved over hundreds of thousands of years. But is still imperfect and confusing. God, which may be another name for chance (depending on what you choose to assume), created this world within a framework governed by a set of rules. Man created two things to make his life easy - (i) money, and (ii) machine. Machine is our way of emulating God - the Creator. We have been o.k. at it, making inventions fitting into our ever increasing range of discoveries, to make our lives easier and convenient, to give a majority of us more time for higher intellectual pursuits and to some, who have the extra brains, to go for more research on complex phenomena and make more discoveries and inventions, so that the show never stops. We've probably only scratched the surface of what is there and can be done.

Money, for one, is the most interesting invention of man till date. It is the key driver of Economics. It is perhaps the only invention of man which he himself doesn't understand properly in spite of having worked with it for centuries in one form or another, upgrading it to forms thought to be simpler to comprehend and manage, but never too sure whether it works the way it has to. Of course not everyone needs to understand how it works to be able to use it. For example, we use the television without the slightest idea about how it works. But at the same time, there is someone in this world (in fact there is a good number), who understands everything about how the television does whatever it does to give me what I need. Ditto with other machines, and in fact, every other creation of man, besides money.

I wanted to write more on this topic, but am ending it here... am tired of seeing this incomplete article lying on my desktop for more than a week now... and of my inability to put more head into it at this stage... am also tired of seeing my blog craving for a post... so, there you go...

Sochvichaar Post Term-1...

We are witnessing the worst financial crisis of our times. Big giants like Lehman Brothers are getting bankrupt. One look at the events that led to it, and we see that it's all so funny. Now everybody asks - how the hell could they do such stupid things? No answers, everyone is quite silent about it. I guess it's obvious, at least to those who know the answers, that stupidity comes naturally to men, particularly when they work in groups.

I was in my home-town last week for a vacation. It was a hard-earned 5-day freedom from studies. I got some taste of UP as I travelled both sides by train and spent a few hours in Allahabad both times while waiting for the next train. I enjoyed it a lot too, coz in spite of staying in Lucknow, I was hardly able to get a feel of the local culture because of living on the outskirts of the city and in the confines of a campus that keeps me busy all the time. Being a lover of Hindi language since my childhood, I had always wished that I had been in UP - the heart of the Hindi Heartland - and now, I am in UP, and I am not making the best of my interest in the place. I try my best though, in my own little ways, whenever I get a chance. Sometimes I feel I am interested in too many things. Each one gets only a small share of my time. However, I guess, life's best this way!

One of the things I did during my stay in Bilaspur (my home-town), was to visit my school - the place where I studied for the 12 best years of my life. The last I went there was 6 years back. Thereafter, I stopped going for 2 reasons - (1) It was getting increasingly clear that I was getting bald and I couldn't stand my teachers and the kids constantly staring at my head in surprise. (2) I felt it was not so much fun being in school when you are not a student there.

I had an achievement to boast of this time - something that fooled people into believing that my career has a direction. And now I am more comfortable with my baldness too. Mainly after I got rid of the long strands of hair on the sides which desperately tried to cover the bald patches on top, giving me enough scope to believe everything's alright (though whenever I came to know, that everyone knew pretty well that it was empty underneath, I used to burst into tears that never came out). And I had an emotional attachment with the place, and wanted to see it once again and walk the memory lane for a while. So I was encouraged to visit the school.

The school has undergone lots of changes since I left. It is the same old building, but the where-happens-what has changed. There are 2 TT Tables now (kept in the room that earlier contained jars of preserved snakes and weird animals). There are many new teachers, only a few of those who were there in my time are left. The early morning prayer is quite different now. Earlier we had only the National Anthem and a prayer to God which started as "O My God, Teach me to love you....". There have been 3 additions to this sequence - a sanskrit shlok (Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya), a Hindi song (sung very badly) and another that I don't remember. After that someone reads a Thought of the Day on the mike, then another reads out the news headlines and yet another reads the Fact of the Day. Each child now belongs to one of the 4 Houses denoted by colors. The houses also have names after great leaders. The 'color' system was how it used to be. And I was told that 'someone' wanted the houses to have leaders' names. So now each house has 2 names - one after a color and one after a leader. The children wear badges of the colors of their respective houses, which looks nice as compared to the only-blue badges we had in our time. The houses are allocated in the beginning of the year, based on roll numbers.

There were many other changes that I noticed. I am sure many missed my eye, coz it was a brief and casual glance over the place. Many things had improved, a few looked the same.

The teachers took some time to recognize me and then digest how different I looked. Their stares made me nervous. As I flaunted my newly acquired IIM tag, the teachers got struck with the idea which I was always afraid they would. They asked me to speak to all the school children about career goals, hard-work, motivation and stuff. I showed reluctance, trying my best to show expressions of scare and not of air. It is easy to be misunderstood in this kind of situations. But I am sure I must have screwed up, coz the expressions that usually show up on my face are never what I intend.

I was asked to speak to all the students after the Prayer next morning. I ran back home and slept. I find sleep the best remedy for tension. Then later in the evening, I chatted with Preeta, my educationist friend, who made the entire speech for me in 5 minutes. And Sindhu pumped in some confidence into me. And I was ready to go and deliver!

The next day, after the Prayer, the Principal went to the mike to introduce me. She discovered after she talked some globe about me, that she didn't know my name. With one hand on the mike, she asked me my name, and I had to tell her thrice before she understood half of it. She made some sound to take care of the other half. The children didn't care. It didn't matter to them. And soon thereafter, she asked the children to go back to their classes. She turned and walked back to her office. I was taken aback. What about the speech I had in my pocket? Surprisingly, the kids were still standing, as if they knew what was coming. I quickly grabbed the mike and started with my speech by saying that I'd like to share my experiences and learnings.

The speech went on nicely for about 10 minutes. I talked about the importance of short-term and long-term goals, knowledge, information, internet, extra-curriculars, art, decision making etc. Not sure how many understood what I was talking. The kids, who were standing in the sun, in straight lines with their respective classmates, were looking here and there (The guys were looking at the girls, the girls were looking at me). After about 10 mins of my speech, one girl fell on the ground, dropped unconscious. One Sir, who was standing on the stage next to me, asked me to wrap up my speech soon, otherwise more kids would start falling, according to him. Not because of the speech, but because they come to school without having proper breakfasts, he added. I immediately jumped to the end of my 'prepared' speech leaving whatever I was talking right at that point. The end was 4 lines from a hindi poem (courtesy - our Sanskrit Sir) written by Jaishankar Prasad -

Is path ka uddeshya nahi hai,
Shraant bhavan mein tik rehna,
Kintu pahunchna us seema tak,
Jiske aage raah nahi...

The speech ended. The students seemed very happy. They clapped with full energy. I got down the stage. Came accross Mams. Asked them how it was. They said I spoke well. One mam was laughing a lot. Not sure what the matter was. I said bye byes and ran away before anyone else could catch me.

As I was driving back on my Kinetic Zoom, I felt good about my speech. I made one more addition to my looooong list of career options - Motivational Speaker. Made another mental note - to add this point in my CV for the summer placements - that I gave a motivational speech to school kids.

I am back in Lucknow now, after my short vacation. It's 2nd term of PGP now. New courses, new profs, Summer Placements... Life Rocks!

Limits

I once did a mistake of declaring in a B-School interview that I had a great sense of humor. I was asked to crack a joke, and I froze. It happened again today. I didn't freeze, and managed to blabber something. And one of the interviewers burst out laughing, unusually loud, while the others had no clue what was going on. Don't know what the funny guy found funny in my joke, but there must have been something. I find it really hard to crack a joke when somebody asks me to. I find it hard to demonstrate any of my talents when asked to. I can do it when I like, but not on request.

I have conducted various kinds of experiments with people's sense of humor, and each one has been a great experience. It's really amazing how people behave at the very upper limit of their sense of humor, the point at which everything breaks down and they behave in strange and unexpected ways. It's like the Zero Kelvin - you never know how things would behave until you reach there. Teasing people is fun, even at the extreme limits. I feel proud to say that I was beaten once and was on the verge of being beaten on multiple occasions. Some started crying. Some embarrassed me in public. Once a strong guy got so pissed off that he lifted me and held me upside down for about 5 minutes, until I promised I'd never tease him again. People have tested my limits too. But we'll talk about my limits some other time ;-)

I think, not only humor, but for every personality trait, the best way to judge a person is to take him/her to the extreme limit. That's where you get the real picture of the personality. This reminds me of Stress Interviews, which are based on the same concept. So it seems I am not talking "globe", as they say in the IIMs :-)

Law

The weirdest thing about Law is that it is never taught to us, though we are all expected to be law-abiding citizens. How much can we learn from movies, family, society and media? It is easy to miss a lot. Most of our sense of law is out of common sense and the inherent human moral and ethical values. Besides that, we don't know what's there in the books. The only people who know law are those who are there to punish us or defend us. That's funny.

Sochvichaar Post Mid-Term...

Mid-term exams ended yesterday. I had a good time writing the exams. In fact it was my best time at IIML so far - I had enough time to sleep (almost 10 hours everyday), there was no running around doing assignments, no "uninteresting-but-attendance-mandatory" stuff organized by the seniors and no lectures to attend. And as far as studying for the exams was concerned, it didn't require much effort. That is because we are forced to study soon after the lecture whatever is taught in it. Otherwise we will not be able to do the assignments or take the quizzes, which are in plenty and evenly spread all over the terms.

Not that I did all exams well, in fact I screwed a few so badly that I feel ashamed when I think of what I wrote in those, but that is what exams are all about. And when they end, it's celebration time. It doesn't matter whether you were mugging day and night or sleeping 10 hours. When the exams end, you must chill out.

So to chill out, I went in the evening with a few of my friends to the most popular hang-out for IIML guys - the Saharaganj mall. It's a good mall by all standards and has a multiplex too (PVR Cinemas). The quality of the crowd is not even as good as it is in Chennai, but sometimes you get to spot cute faces with their moms and dads.

I also watched a movie - the latest one in the Mummy series. It was gross. I had tried hard to convince everyone for "Ugly aur Pagli" but nobody agreed. It seemed that everyone was incredibly prejudiced when it came to selecting a movie. I was not able to decide whether it's past experiences that determine people's future decisions, or whether it's prejudice, or whether it's the fear of accepting a liking for something that is not socially popular or has a low acceptance. Probably it's the sum of all three, and a few other factors. But I am forced to conclude based on this, that not many people form opinions by looking at things in isolation with an open mind. And moreover, there is always some gap, which may be huge for some people, between the opinions that they express and the opinions that they truly hold. The latter may even be buried inside oneself, with people lying to themselves about what they truly believe in.

I also had plans to drink, but finally I didn't because of lack of enthu and lack company. Another strange phenomenon - not many seem to drink at IIML, not the majority for sure.

A thought crossed my mind as I was sitting through the economics lecture today. All my understanding about human beings has come out of a domain of people with whom I have interacted to a certain degree. And it's a natural tendency of every human being to interact more with people he/she is more comfortable with, which is usually people who are similar to him/her. Complementarity of personality could be another criterion - like a person who is weak in his leadership skills would try to be in either of 2 kinds of groups, again depending on his motivation. One - a group with a strong leader, if he chooses and likes to be a follower. Two - a group full of people with weaker leadership skills or stronger skills of 'following', where he can assume leadership position, if he really wants to lead inspite of his disability. (Is following a skill? It is normally seen as lack of a skill rather than a skill in itself. There are quite a few qualities like this. But over time, some of these voids have come to be seen as skills. Can you name a few such qualities? Am I writing a textbook :P?)

I concluded from the analysis in the last para that howsoever I try, I will never be able to understand all people. Because finally I'd always project myself over them and look at them as if they are like me. If not me, very similar to me. I realize that it's very difficult to appreciate the fact that all human beings are different. Though we know it, we never accept it or recognize it. Perhaps because that would make us feel different from others. Which is scary; because the way we see things and ourselves, we accentuate all negative differences and even tend to see the positive ones in a negative light. That's our internal defense mechanism. We want to get rid of all negative differences before it hurts. This kind of short-sightedness and bias in judging people pervades all our personalities and so it is never possible really, to even understand people with a free and independent mind. Perhaps that's the reason many books on personality development ask you not to try to understand people because no matter how much you try, you'd never be able to understand people fully. That may be on the very extreme, but the reality lies somewhere not very far from it.

Our classes started today itself, the day after the last mid-term exam. It feels as if nothing happened the last one week. As if it was a beautiful night of sleep with dreams both good and bad, but then we woke up again in the morning, just early enough to manage some corn flakes for the breakfast and then run to reach for the lecture on time, so that we don't miss the attendance.

IIT vs IIM - First Impressions

I wanted to make a long post on my first experiences after joining IIML before I make any other post about life here, but laziness and business have kept me so occupied that I couldn't even get started. So I thought, let's forget it, and write whatever comes to mind and at least be active on the blog.

Being from an IIT, I can't stop comparing IITs and IIMs. Although there are huge differences in terms of scale of operations and the kind of people who fill the respective campuses, which further leads to significant cultural differences, there are lots of similarities between the two categories of premier institutes of India. The infrastructure, facilities, food-standards and the academic format is more or less the same, with the obvious differences here and there based on the need and scale. The number of females is awfully low in both places. However the ones in IIMs seem more approachable, reachable, amiable and amicable to me. The level of interaction is good. A common mess for all at IIML helps a lot. On the whole, I felt that students at IIMs are more down-to-earth, interactive and friendly than IITians. The latter have serious attitude problems (it's totally my opinion).

I agree it is not fully justified to compare IITs and IIMs coz they comprise students of different age groups, qualifications, maturity and experience levels; and most of the cultural and behavioral differences are due to that. The personality of an IIM student is the consequence of all the learnings he has had during his graduation, job and relationships, while an IITian, when he starts, is just out of school and is very immature in his thinking and approach to life.

Probably that explains why IIM guys are bigger muggus than IITians. And to take it further, it seems to have some interesting effects on characteristics of the products these institutes produce. Because of being less dependant on books and technical knowledge, and being more capable of sailing through courses and stuff inspite of not learning anything, IITians tend to be more open and comfortable in getting into stuff they don't have any clue about to start with. In other words, IITians are better risk takers and IIM guys are more focussed and hard-working. It's a sweeping statement though, and I see exceptions on both sides. But broadly, this seems to be the case.

A very special case is - guys in IIM who graduated from IIT; a category I have not thoroughly studied yet, as it includes me too. Hmmm, may be I am stereotyping a lot, which is not always a good thing to do. But in many cases, stereotypes do exist, and represent a majority of their kind.

Again, these are totally my views, based on my observations. I have seen too much of IITians. But I must say, I've just got started with the IIMs. So hold on and keep visiting for more, as I see more of it.

Is Democracy the best form of Government?

Government Hospitals are awful in India. They commit all kinds of crimes ranging from bribery to using same syringes multiple times to denying treatment to the most needy.

It's funny that each and every body associated with the Government in India is so inefficient, corrupt and uncivilized that you'd be a fool if you trust any of them with anything. Any democratic system is bound to become like that, if it is of a size bigger than a certain maximum, because it is hard to establish accountability and control in huge democracies. Hence, I believe that democracy is really not an appropriate system to run a Country or a Province. Democracy is good for a smaller group of people - I guess a few hundreds in number, at the maximum.

I think the reason Democracy has become so popular is that it provides a wonderful and perfect playground for people who are cunning and adept at playing politics to satiate their political appetites at someone else's expense, by sitting in safe positions of power, and since such people have great convincing abilities and remarkable assertiveness, they are able to persuade people to accepting Democracy and also propagate it all over so that they expand their grounds to play on. They tag the enemies of Democracy as evil and get united to crush them. And the masses stay in an illusion that they are in control of the systems of governance which are held by their own representatives elected by vote and nurtured by the money they pay as taxes. But we all know how fake it is. It's strange nobody says it very often in public.

For example, India is the world's largest democracy - 1.2 bn people. Are our governments really of the people, for the people, by the people? They are none of them, as we all know. Even if we go by sheer numbers, the fact is, only a small percentage of us vote, and most of those who do are the least aware of what's going on in the country. And to make matters worse, the winner in any election is the guy who gets a simple majority, which is just a small percentage of the votes cast, coz there are so many parties contesting for a seat that each party gets just a handful of votes. So the guy who finally gets elected has the support only from a minority in his constituency. But in the end we fix the number of seats a party has to have in the houses of parliament to stake its claim to form the government - to give ourselves an illusion again that our governments indeed are run by those who have support from more than 50% (or whatever it is) of the country. And to top it all, parties with a few seats join together and form coalitions. What about the citizens who voted for one of those parties to keep the other out? What about parties' ideologies and stuff like that?

And obviously it is all not so clean either. The voters are lured, bought and made happy (as the girl says in the movie Bombay to Bangkok... did ya see it?) in many ways. Then there are booth-captures and fake votes. And even if the voting had been clean, the question as to whether the common man is shrewd enough to decide who's the best to rule him cannot be answered on the affirmative with utmost confidence. And with the way things are done in India, it is not even the government of those chosen by the majority of the adult citizens. It is simply one randomly elected government that forms as a result of manipulating, voting, manipulating again, lots of crap and lots of things too complicated to comprehend or talk about.

One may argue that India is still just a Third World and an Underdeveloped country. (Think why it is so. I suspect democracy might be one of the crippling factors). But even the democracies which are rich and developed are not so because they are democratic. Most of the time, democracy drags back what is running smoothly. Such democracies also have sound economic models and intelligentsia at the right places which allow them to efficiently cover up the inefficiencies that democracy brings with it. If democracy had been a sufficient condition for prosperity, then all democratic nations would have been rich and prosperous, but that is hardly the reality. I feel that democracy is not even a condition, let alone a sufficient one.

So, if not Democracy, what is the best from of government? (Check out this link - Forms of Government - and try to figure out.) Is it the rule by philosophers and intellectuals as Plato suggested in his famous book The Republic? If it really is, then it can certainly be implemented after 2012, when the current world order will come to an end, and all evil people will die and only the intellectuals and the spiritually inclined will survive. I'll be one of the survivors. Wish you all the best!

A Long Bla

My makaan-maalik (landlord) Habib once suggested to me that I should get married soon. According to him, one should marry early, coz as one grows old (28+ according to him), the blood gets thick. Don't know how that is supposed to affect marriage, but I can imagine that he meant that the initial honeymoon-period sex won't be so enjoyable if you marry late. And for most of us indians who don't taste honey before marriage, this means a lot.

But for females, there are other reasons as well, to marry early. One female friend once told me that at a young age (below 30 according to her) females' bodies are stronger and more fit for pregnancy and fast recovery thereafter. As they grow older, pregnancy would take a heavier toll on their bodies.

Some elders have told me yet another reason for marrying early - marry early, have kids early, they're grown up sooner and you are done sooner with your familial responsibilities, free to live the way you like in your old age, when you are at your lowest energy levels. This comes from the traditional wisdom that one should work hard all youth, save money, make sacrifices etc. etc. hoping for a wonderful post-retirement life. It does make sense at some level though. Of course I don't mean to say that marriage is a sacrifice of any sort. However, implicitly we all, particularly married people, seem to believe that it is indeed a big one.

A lot of weird stuff keeps happening to me. Yesterday, my sister asked me the number of friends that I have. I didn't expect this kind of a question all of a sudden. I had never cared about keeping a count of my friends, and in that situation, I could only think of orkut. I have 170-something friends on orkut. I said an honest thank-u to orkut in my mind, rounded 170-something to 200, and told my sister the number. I then hesistated a little to ask her why she wanted to know the number. I did ask, coz she was staring at me, challenging me to ask the damn thing. And then she said what I have been hearing from my family members since I've started talking - that I talk very little. And she found it hard to believe I had so many friends inspite of my taciturnity. I tried to justify myself and prove that I am normal by saying that my behavior, and that of all of us, differs based on situations, and that I am indeed quite talkative in some circles. But I was not assertive enough, coz I was speaking in Telugu and I am bad at expressing myself in it.

My room-mate in my 1st year of Engineering at IIT Bombay had a similar observation. He felt I did not talk to anybody. I was indeed quite home-sick those days since it was the first time I was living away from my parents. Also, being from a small town, I realized I was quite behind the rest in terms of my knowledge about the hottest stuff in fashion, news, trends etc. I was also quite surprised at the kind of guys I found in the IIT - all weird guys, not at all geeks or nerds as I had been told, but quite the opposites in fact. The environment and people at IIT were quite different from what I had expected and I took a long time to get used to them. I did find groups which I enjoyed being a part of, and ditched those that sucked. I find it amazing how all things in this world align themselves to attain stable configurations.

It's funny coz till date, I've fit into very few groups. And there are very few people in whose companies I have been comfortable for long. My best company is myself. It doesn't seem to happen with others usually. Everyone tells me he can't eat alone in a restaurant, can't travel alone and can't watch a movie alone in a cinema hall. But I do all of those and I also enjoy them a lot. But I have some friends who are quite close to me and I can spend hours with them, and I enjoy each moment of that time as well.

A few days from now, I am going to join IIM Lucknow for doing a Post Graduate Program in Management, a.k.a MBA. I'll be one in a batch of 300 students - most of them guys, and a handful of ladies. Unlike my last academic experience, I won't be home-sick this time, having been away from home for 8 years now, lived in 4 major cities of India. I've even gone abroad all alone. I'm much more used to dealing with many kinds of people in different environments. I've gotten rid of many of my silly mental inhibitions. I am financially independent now, thanks to the banks who lend as much money as you want without the slightest hesitation, if you are an IIM student. And I am fully aware of what's the most happening stuff in every field. I am really excited about this opportunity to be in such a great place among the brightest minds. I will make sure from the start that I make the best out of each moment that I spend in IIML and use it to the full to achieve my goals in life, and have lots of fun at the same time. (Now I booze too.)

My Jiju, who does 'research' on nuclear fissile material at BARC for a job, is a self-proclaimed expert of economics and finance (both are somewhat different, I am told). Each time I meet him, he has something related to economics (let's stick to this) to discuss. His most favorite topics are Oil, Money & the Gold Standard and John Maynard Keyenes. The last time I met him, he asked me why the price of oil was rising? I said demand-supply and the falling dollar. He gave me a you-bloody-MBAs-are-useless kind of look and told me it was due speculation in commodity exchanges. In return I gave him an I-am-not-an-MBA-yet look, but he showed no pity. Wonder whether MBAs really know all that crap. Will figure that out in some time.

I happened to go to the Government Hospital at Bilaspur for a medical check-up. It was mandatory to get it done from there itself and get a certificate from the Civil Surgeon, who sits in that hospital, stating that I am fit to join IIM Lucknow. One of my next posts may be on my experiences in the Government Hospital. Keep reading my SochVichaar. Enjoy life.

feeling hot hot hot!!!

It's very hot here in Hyderabad. I don't know the exact temperatures but I am finding it hard to bear. My mattress and pillows are heated up all the time. And they heat my taklu and the whole body too. I feel sick and mad.

It's been a long time since I had a totally non-AC non-Cooler summers. Last time was more than 10 years back. Somewhere around that time, we bought a fridge and a desert-cooler for our home in Bilaspur. When I was in college, I used to run away to Bilaspur and stay there with my parents for the entire summer-vacation. Chennai was summer all the time. I was there for 6 months, but not during the peak summers. So never felt too bad; also because I used to be in the office all day, and offices of Software Companies are all Air Conditioned. Moreover, Chennai is not always so hot as it is humid. Then in the 2.75 yrs in Pune, I saw 2 summers which were not very hot as compared to those in Bilaspur. For the last summer, I went to the US. It was summer there as well, but wasn't anywhere close to how it is in India. And my company was generous enough to keep me in a hotel with AC and fridge. There was a hot Russian girl called Nadya who did house-keeping but she was very cold towards me. She was a student of English Literature and was in the US for spending her summer vacations with some of her relatives. On a few occasions I tried to have intellectual discussions with her on books and English Literature, but I failed to impress her.

And now, I am forced to bear the heat all day coz Satyam threw me out my job, and I don't have any of the cooling amenities at home, except tap water. So the whole day I stay home, sprinking water once in while on my bed, on my head and at other places where it gets hot very often. My nose has started running due to excess cold-drinks. Don't know whether I can say I caught cold. Is there any special word for sardi in summer?

Tag...

Another Tag taken up from Sindhu as usual...

1)LAST MOVIE U SAW IN A THEATRE?
Speed Racer

2)WHAT BOOK ARE U READING?
The Life Divine by Sri Aurobindo

3)FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?
Ludo

4)FAVOURITE MAGAZINE
Filmfare

5)FAVOURITE SMELLS
Kya bakwaas question hai!

6)FAVOURITE SOUNDS
My own voice when I am singing

7)WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD
Hangover

8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE?
Love Making

9)FAVOURITE FASTFOOD PLACE
Roadside Chat ka thela

10)FUTURE CHILDS NAME
Akanksha (akki)

11)FINISH THIS STATEMENT---IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY
I'd buy a nice fully furnished home in a posh area, put the remaining money in the bank and live happily ever after

12)DO U DRIVE FAST?
Medium fast

13)DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Chi, no...itne bure din nai aaye...

14)STORMS--COOL OR SCARY?
Cooooool!

15)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
One small red plastic one my mom bought for me in Durga Puja mela

16)FAVOURITE DRINK?
Smirnoff with Sprite

17)FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD
I am never short of time. I have lots of it.

18)DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Ya, shauk se.

19)IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Get me some hair first

20)NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS U HAVE LIVED IN?
Bilaspur, Mumbai, Chennai, Pune, Hyderabad

21)FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Cricket

22)ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
She's very sweet.

23)WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?
Floor

24)WOULD U LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN??
Yes

25)MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?
Night owl... but of late trying to change to a morning person.

26)OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Neither

27)FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?
On my bed.

28)FAVOURITE PIE?
3.14159265

29)FAVOURITE ICECREAM FLAVOUR?
Strawberry

30)OF ALL THE PEOPLE U HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Sangeeta

Tagging sangeetavyas, jitu.

Howla!!! (Read if u r 18+)

In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Howla. His father is ambitious to educate Howla.

Howla goes to school in Tappa Chabutra. Its principal was educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class!

There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows:

Teacher - Kal inispector ayinga. Kochanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab achaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.

Howla - Iski maakki kirkiri. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochanaa puchta kathey?

Teacher - Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan nikaltey. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.

So our Howla is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father - Yeah kyaa hai… ischool hai paan ka dabba hai? Gaand pe maartaun saale tu ischool nai gaya to.

Howla - Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.

Father - Usku akkal hai? Begum suno! Howla ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar iney ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga? Howla, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.

So Howla cries and finally agrees to go to school. Next day in school, Teacher is very upset to see Howla back:

Teacher - Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kaiko aaya re ?

Howla - Mera bava gaand phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.

Teacher - offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri lag jayingi.

So Howla goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy. Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector - Adaab.

Teacher - Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab. Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.

Inspector - Abaa? Offo! Ithney kilever hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?

Teacher - Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!

Imtiyaz - Saab, Khaleja saab.

Inspector - Aisa! ..... woh kyun?

Imtiyaz - Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.

Inspector - Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?

Teacher - Arey Akram, tu bata re.

Akram - Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey, iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.

Inspector - Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke jaiseich answeraan bolrai naa!!

In the meantime Howla is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks Howla is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector - Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?

Teacher - kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Howla hai saab.

Inspector - Howla? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! Howla, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?

Howla - Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.

Inspector - Tereku yaa mereku??

Teacher - Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum aapku. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Howla, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum.

Howla - Saab sabse nazook cheez apne body mein Gaand hai saab.

Teacher - Allah!! Iney moo khola meri gaand lag gayi re!!!

Inspector - Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaa answer hai re?

Howla - Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku boletho ... wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata ... Yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat thi ... Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey ... wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi… Uttaa kaiku saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatri dekho!!!!

sāre jahāñ se achchā hindostāñ hamārā

sāre jahāñ se achchā hindostāñ hamārā
ham bulbuleñ haiñ us kī vuh gulsitāñ hamārā

ġhurbat meñ hoñ agar ham, rahtā hai dil vatan meñ
samjho vuhīñ hameñ bhī dil ho jahāñ hamārā

parbat vuh sab se ūñchā, hamsāyah āsmāñ kā
vuh santarī hamārā, vuh pāsbāñ hamārā

godī meñ kheltī haiñ us kī hazāroñ nadiyāñ
gulshan hai jin ke dam se rashk-e janāñ hamārā

ay āb-rūd-e gangā! vuh din haiñ yād tujh ko?
utarā tire kināre jab kāravāñ hamārā

mażhab nahīñ sikhātā āpas meñ bair rakhnā
hindī haiñ ham, vatan hai hindostāñ hamārā

yūnān-o-miṣr-o-rumā sab miṭ gaʾe jahāñ se
ab tak magar hai bāqī nām-o-nishāñ hamārā

kuchh bāt hai kih hastī miṭtī nahīñ hamārī
sadiyoñ rahā hai dushman daur-e zamāñ hamārā

iqbāl! koʾī maḥram apnā nahīñ jahāñ meñ
maʿlūm kyā kisī ko dard-e nihāñ hamārā!

- Muhammad Iqbal

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English Translation

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Better than the entire world, is our Hindustan,
We are its nightingales, and it (is) our garden abode

If we are in an alien place, the heart remains in the homeland,
Know us to be only there where our heart is.

That tallest mountain, that shade-sharer of the sky,
(It) is our sentry, (it) is our watchman

In its lap frolic those thousands of rivers,
Whose vitality makes our garden the envy of Paradise.

O the flowing waters of the Ganges, do you remember that day
When our caravan first disembarked on your waterfront?

Religion does not teach us to bear ill-will among ourselves
We are of Hind, our homeland is Hindustan.

In a world in which ancient Greece, Egypt, and Rome have all vanished without trace
Our own attributes (name and sign) live on today.

Such is our existence that it cannot be erased
Even though, for centuries, the cycle of time has been our enemy.

Iqbal! We have no confidant in this world
What does any one know of our hidden pain?

Laajvanti - Software Engineer 2.

Maher Iqbal, my room-mate comes home pretty late by Satyam standards; he reaches home at around 9.00PM. He works in HSBC, handles software development processes there. But that day, he came back early...8.00 PM.

Maher: (as I opened the door) Hi.
Me: Hi.
Maher: Kya karr raha hai?
Me: Kuch khaas nahi bey. TV pe kuch dekh ke kuch soch ke kuch aur soch raha tha.
Maher: HaHa. Aur pehla din kaisa tha? Koi mili?.
Me: Haan bey. Mili ek gulti.
Maher: Kya baat karr raha hai. Mili bhi to ek gulti?.
Me: Abey nahi, ye maal hai.
Maher: Hmm. Kuch gulti ladkiyaan maal bhi hoti hain!!! Reddy hogi.
Me: Pata nahi, surname nahi poocha.
Maher: To kya kiya?
Me: Abey usko ghar drop kiya tha. But saala uske hostel ke saamne hi bike gir gayi, aur uske saath mai bhi.
Maher: Wo to nahi giri na?
Me: Shukar hai wo nahi giri. Wo pata nahi kaise kood ke khadi ho gayee.
Maher: Phir kya boli?
Me: Mai turant udhar se bhaag gaya.
Maher: HaHaHa. Saale tera kuch nahi ho sakta...
Me: Oh.
Maher: Kya Oh? Accha bol khana khane kahan chalte hain? (The usual question)
Me: Pata nahi. Kahin bhi chal. (The usual answer)
Maher: Subway chalein?. (Another usual question)
Me: Abey nahi, mujhe wo accha nahi lagta.(Another usual answer)
Maher: Phir kahaan? KFC?. (Yet another usual question)
Me: Abey kahin aur chalte hain, KFC mein mai kya khaunga? (Yet another usual answer)
Maher: Needs? (Needs is a sasta Punjabi restaurant in Begumpet)
Me: Haan chal.

The next day I got up at around 10 in the morning. Maher had already left for office. Still on the bed, I looked up at the fan and my cellphone started ringing. The call was from a new number. I picked it up.

Me: Hello?
Caller: Can I talk to Sridhar?
Me: Yes, speaking.
Caller: Hiii. How are you?
Me: I'm fine. Who's this?
Caller: I'm Laajo. Remember?
Me: (A sudden chill ran all over me...) O ya. How did you get my number?
Laajo: Abbaa!!! I got it from eSupport.
Me: eSupport? What is eSupport?
Laajo: It is Satyam's internal site, from where you can get details about everyone. Our details have already come there. Remember we filled all those details in Virtue?
Me: (My head was spinning) Ok. So you have internet in your hostel?
Laajo: Yaa re. My room-mate is also from Satyam know. She told me all this.
Me: Oh. That's great. Hey, I am sorry about yesterday. The bike went out of balance.
Laajo: No re, it's ok. Happens. Why did you go away like that?
Me: I was upset.
Laajo: Chumma you go upset. The road only was not good. Lot of bikes fall there, with guy and gal also. In our case I did not fall na. So you did fine.
Me: HaHa. Thanks for being so nice.
Laajo: Shut up. Mental you are. Ok, when are you coming to pick me up?
Me: (Couldn't believe what I heard) You mean for office?
Laajo: No, for my funeral! Of course for office man.
Me: We have to report at 2.00 PM na?
Laajo: Yes. So you come here by 1.00 PM. We will reach there by 1.20.
Me: Why so early?
Laajo: Arey stupid, we'll have lunch after that... 1.20 to 1.50. And 10 minutes is for anything unforseen which may happen.
Me: Hmm. Like falling somewhere?
Laajo: Offo! Can't you think better things? There may be a traffic-jam also.
Me: I'm sorry. I'll pick you up at 1.00. Ok?
Laajo: Ok. See you then. Tata.
Me: Tata.

My heart started thumping dum dum dum. I could not think anything for a while. I tried to control myself by taking deep breaths. Did kapaalbhati for 2 minutes. I felt better. Then I had some water, went to susu, stared absent-mindedly at my watch for 3 minutes, turned off the fan (don't know why), refreshed the desktop of my computer 20 times, unlocked and locked my cellphone 4-5 times, looked at myself in my small mirror and smiled...

I quickly brushed my teeth. Then shaved my face and put on the Denim aftershave I had never used (had preserved it for a special occasion like this). Then went for bath. As I emptied the first magga on my head, I realized I had not warmed the water. Then decided ki chalo aaj cold water se naha lete hain. As I was applying Pantene on my takla I felt glad that I had gotten the side wala hair shaven off the very previous day. So the takla was looking cool. (Or hot?)

After the shower, I sprayed my Addidas Deospray all over my body. Then got dressed and sprayed Addidas again all over my clothes. Then suddenly my eyes fell on my room-mate's imported perfume. I couldn't resist the temptation of spraying some of it on my armpits. I surrendered to the temptation. Sprayed it at a lot of places which I thought must smell good and then placed the perfume bottle back to where it was, at exactly the same spot and in exactly the same orientation.

I wore my best shirt and trousers. Took out a new pair of socks from my suit-case, cleaned my woodland shoes with a wet cloth, wore them. Took out from the suitcase the hanky which my mom had given me long back to use. Cleaned my pulsar with the wet cloth. Made sure the bike was shining all over. Chanted a Hanuman prayer in my mind. Then a Ram prayer. Than a Saraswati prayer. The one before-sleep prayer that I had learnt when I was a kid. Then 2 Ganesh prayers. Then ate 1 spoon Himani Sona-Chaandi Chyavanprash. The time was 12.50PM. And I was ready to leave.

Just as I started my bike, my cell-phone started ringing. It was Laajo.

Laajo: Hey, where are you?
Me: Outside my home. I am starting. I will be there in 10 minutes.
Laajo: Ok. Come fast. We need to go to Hyderabad Central before going to office.
Me: Central? Why?
Laajo: To get movie tickets.
Me: You can buy them online. Go to www.pvrcinemas.com
Laajo: I don't know all that. You come, we will quickly get the tickets and go to office.
Me: Ok. But which movie?
Laajo: You ask too many questions. And waste time. Why don't you come here fast. Idiot!
Me: Hey I can get the tickets and then come to your house. Central is closer to my house.
Laajo: That's a good idea. You make sense sometimes. Ok, get 2 tickets for Jodha Akbar, Sunday night show.
Me: 2 tickets? Sunday Night?
Laajo: Ya.
Me: Ok. See you.
Laajo: Listen, don't take if you get 1st or 2nd row seats.
Me: Ok. Fine.
Laajo: Now go fast. I am waiting for you.
Me: Bye.

I cut the call, put the mobile in my pocket, started the bike and headed towards Central which is at Punjagutta Circle. There was heavy traffic as usual at Nagarjuna Circle. As I was waiting for the traffic to clear, I started thinking - Who the hell was Laajo going to the movie with? That too night show! Did she have a boy-friend? Saala, who cud that be? And what wud they do after the movie? It was a long movie. Wud end around 1.00-1.30 midnight. - I was so engrossed in all those thoughts that I did not hear the honks of the car behind me until the guy from the car stepped out and gave me a jolt. I raised my eye-brows at him. Not sure whether he could see that through my helmet. I was so angry...with the guy and with Laajo. Took some deep breaths and tried to cool down. Then I started the bike and drove to Hyderabad Central. Still very disturbed. I was not feeling like buying the tickets. Still stood in the line at the ticket-counter. A sexy girl in a small skirt standing in front of me offered some distraction. But not for long. My anger kept coming back. I couldn't decide whether to buy the tickets or return back with an excuse. What could be a good excuse? I was confused.

 

To Be Continued...

Laajvanti - Software Engineer 1.

Laajvanti and I joined Satyam together. The moment I entered the common waiting area in Satyam's office in the Masha-allah building on the joining day - 21st November 2007, I saw Laajo, and I knew she was the one I'd like to spend the whole of my bench-life with. She was wearing a white kurta (or kurti?), an orange salwar and an orange chunni. She had shiny long black hair oiled and plaited gulti-style. She was so cute, I instantly fell in love with her. I went and sat on the chair by her side. Couldn't stop staring at her. She was uncomfortable. So I spoke -

Me: Hi, I'm Sridhar.
Laajo: I'm Laajvanti.
Me: Java?
Laajo: No, Mainframes. You Java aa?
Me: Yeah. But I know some JCL, COBOL, CICS, DB2 also. I learnt when I was in TCS.
Laajo: So you are from TCS aa?
Me: No. From Geometric Software, Pune.
Laajo: Accha.
Me: I was in TCS before that.
Laajo: How many years experience?
Me: 3.5 years. You?
Laajo: 3 years.
Me: Which company you were working previously?
Laajo: TCS.
Me: Yo! Ultimatix and all!
Laajo: Yes. How long you worked in TCS?
Me: 6 months.
Laajo: 1st company?
Me: Yes.
Laajo: You broke the bond!
Me: No. I paid the bond money and quit.
Laajo: Joking aa?
Me: Really, I paid. See I have the relieving letter too, from TCS. (Opened my file to show her the letter)
Laajo: Arey, it's ok re. How much you paid?
Me: 77k.
Laajo: O my God!
Me: Yes. I was too ethical.
Laajo: (Smiling) Too much. You were an idiot.
Me: (Embarrassed) Ya. I guess so.
Laajo: Did you get the medical examination done?
Me: Yes.
Laajo: (Smiling) What all they checked?
Me: What do you mean? (Wondering why she asked that. She couldn't possibly mean that...could she?)
Laajo: Forget it. (Still laughing)
Me: Ok. (Confused)
Laajo: I heard they will put us all on bench.
Me: Oh really? I'd love that.
Laajo: What? You are a strange person.
Me: Why?
Laajo: Who wants to be on bench? Everyone wants a project.
Me: Why do you want to work if you can get paid without working?
Laajo: Ayyo! You are really a psycho.
Me: Psycho? Why?
Laajo: Leave it. Where are you put up?
Me: What does that mean?
Laajo: Put up, as in, where do you stay in Hyderabad?
Me: oh! Banjara Hills.
Laajo: That's a costly area I suppose.
Me: Yes. But I am sharing with a guy, who has been staying there for a while. So the rent is low and then divided by 2.
Laajo: That's good.
Me: Where do you put?
Laajo: What do you mean?
Me: What did you ask me?
Laajo: O, 'where are you put up?'
Me: Yes Yes, that only.
Laajo: I am staying in a hostel in Ameerpet.
Me: That's close to where I stay.
Laajo: So?
Me: So... nothing. Just telling.
Laajo: (Smiling) Where are you originally from?
Me: Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh.
Laajo: But your name...
Me: I am gulti, basically.
Laajo: Don't you say gulti. I hate that word. Say Telugu. Dumbo. (Smiled)
Me: Hmm, so you are Telugu?
Laajo: Yes.
Me: But your name is North-Indian. How come?
Laajo: My mother liked this name. She put it.
Me: Oh. But why did she like this name?
Laajo: I don't know. Which place in Andhra?
Me: My par-dada was a cassanova in Visakhapatnam. (Laughed)
Laajo: Anta Scene Ledu Meeku.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: What oh?
Me: Whatever you said.
Laajo: Shut up.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: Stop it. (beats me on my hand, feels my shoulder and blushes)

Just then, my name was called by the HR guy. He wanted to verify my documents and give me my ID Card and Appointment Letter. I went to him, got the things done, and came back. I saw in his list that Laajo was next to be called.

Laajo: How come your name came so early?
Me: I am a lucky guy. Since you are with me, I can make your name come next.
Laajo: Very funny!
Me: I'm serious. There you go. Abra-ka-Dabra (I waved my had in the air. And the HR guy called Laajo.)
Laajo: Elated. You really are a psycho! Wait, I will go and come.
Me: Yeah! I am here.

Laajo went to the HR guy. He cracked some jokes. Sala, saw a beautiful girl and started flirting. I hate such guys. Laajo came back in 5 minutes.

Laajo: Hey, I'm done.
Me: Yo! Congratulations. We are Satyamites now. Satyamites Dynamites!
Laajo: Yes!
Me: Let's go out and celebrate.
Laajo: Ya. He said we may leave for the day. Tomorrow we have to report to some Basil Phillips at Harsha Towers near Karkhana in Secunderabad.
Me: Ya, Me too, same.
Laajo: Ok, I am very hungry. Let's go and have lunch.
Me: Ok, chalo.

We went to Banana Leaves restaurant just outside the office. Ordered 2 veg meals.

Laajo: So where do you eat? You cook?
Me: No, I eat outside.
Laajo: What do you eat?
Me: Anything.
Laajo: But that is bad for health na. Look how fat you are.
Me: (OOps! Embarrassed!) Ya, that's bad. I also skip meals. Very often.
Laajo: Why don't you cook?
Me: I don't feel like.
Laajo: Guys are all so lazy. When they are tired of eating crap, they marry. But they'll never cook.
Me: No, that's not true.
Laajo: Then what?
Me: I don't know.
Laajo: I know. You guys are sick. You treat girls like cooks.
Me: No. Cookers. Pressure Cookers. HaHaHaHa.
Laajo: That's a sick joke.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: You and your 'Oh'!
Me: So do you cook?
Laajo: No, not possible in the hostel. They give breakfast and dinner. I eat that. I am looking for a house. After shifting, I will cook.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: Oh. Oh. Oh. (Punching in the air towards my nose) I will break your nose.
Me: That would be so sweet.
Laajo: Ok Ok. Eat fast. Rassam is very nice here.
Me: Oh. I don't eat Rassam. I like sambar. Rassam does not have anything in it. It is water.
Laajo: As if you know! Now shut up and finish your meal. I'm done.

I finished. I paid for my meal. She paid for her meal. We came out of the restaurant.

Me: Now what is the program?
Laajo: I'll go home.
Me: Oh. Can I drop you?
Laajo: You have a car?
Me: No, a bike.
Laajo: Hmm. You drive well?
Me: Ya, but you have to sit with one leg on a side.
Laajo: How can you ask a girl to sit like that? It should be her choice how she wants to sit.
Me: I'm sorry. If you sit with both legs on the same side, I will find it hard at turnings and when we go slow.
Laajo: Whatever! I don't want to go with you.
Me: Hey, I'm so sorry. You can sit the way you like.
Laajo: But you just said you cannot drive properly if I sit with both legs on a side.
Me: Ya, I used to have a problem, but that was long back, about 4 months back.
Laajo: No girl sat after that?
Me: Many have, but all with one leg on each side. They all wore jeans.
Laajo: (Smiling) So you take many gals around on your bike?
Me: No No.
Laajo: What No No? You have many sisters?
Me: No No.
Laajo: Dumbo!
Me: Oh. (Smiled, didn't know what to say)
Laajo: Ok, I will sit with one leg on a side.
Me: Ok, I will get the bike from the parking.
Laajo: Which bike you have?
Me: Bajaj Pulsar 150 DTSi. Definitely Male!
Laajo: Wow, I love it. Now go.

As Laajo waited at the gate, I came out on the bike and stopped right in front of her. She climbed my bike from the left by stepping on the side-foot-support (whatever is the term for it) and with her left hand pressing on my shoulder and her right hand pulling the bottom part of her kurta up so that she didn't sit over that. The bike was bent by 45 degrees. I was scared we might fall. So was she. Finally she was behind me, and I set the bike up and stright with all my energy. She put her bag between me and her, to avoid any contact between me and her. Then she adjusted her Chunni - spread its middle part over her head (like Benazir Bhutto did), wound the rest around her neck and brought the ends in front of her, so that it didn't fly when the bike would move.

I put on my helmet. Then I started my Pulsar by pressing the auto-start button. I had been wondering whether I should kick-start to make it look more manly. But I had never tried the kick-start and was not sure whether it worked or not. So I didn't take the risk.

There was a lot of traffic. And Laajo was heavy. I had a hard time driving slowly through the traffing with Laajo sitting behind me. The handle was shaking all the time. But she was kind enough not to mock my driving. May be she was scared I would mock her weight.

Finally we arrived at her hostel. I stopped right in front of the gate. But as I stopped, I could not control the weight. The bike tilted to its right, and as it was falling, Laajo had her foot on the ground. She somehow got off the bike and stood as I fell down with it, unable to balance myself or the bike.

A few men, who were standing at the pan shop near by, came running. They lifted the bike. Though one man tried to lift me, I resisted and got up on my own. It was all so embarrassing. Impression ki whaaat.

Laajo asked if I was ok. I said I was fine, asked her to take care, started my bike, said 'bye' and quickly escaped from there. As I was driving from Ameerpet to Banjara Hills, I recollected all that had happened that day. It had been wonderful, until I drove Laajo home. I regretted having thought of dropping her. I felt she'd never speak to me again. She sat on my bike inspite of being told of my inability to drive properly. She expressed so much confidence in me. And I disappointed her. How would I face her again? She'd definitely not talk to me ever again - that's what I thought. But I was proved wrong the next day.

To Be Continued...

This is going to hurt just a little bit!!!

I was forced to visit a dentist thrice in the past one week. And in each one of those long moments that I thrived lying on the dentist's chair with my mouth stretched open for him to peek into and do stuff, the poem 'This is going to hurt just a little bit' by Ogden Nash kept coming into my mind. The humerous poem, which I read in my 10th Standard English Literature textbook, accurately captures the dreadful experience of visiting the dentist, and how inescapable and unavoidable it is, though each time you visit the damn place, you hope that it's your last time. Friends, here's the poem for you. Read and enjoy!

This is going to hurt just a little bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest,

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on,
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve in your head that you aren't being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs,
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.
And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it's all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget
that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn't because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse's hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it's all over now and after all it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.
And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest, That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition is so that he won't have to go to the dentist.

- Ogden Nash

I hope you noticed the pun in the vicious circle. It refers to the circular motion of the dentist's drill and also to the fact that you have to go to the dentist to keep your teeth in a good condition while the main reason you want your teeth in good condition is so that you don't have to go to the dentist. This poem was taught to us by Cherian Sir, and he really enjoyed explaining the Pun. I guess this was his favourite example to explain the figure of speech.

School days were beautiful. I wish I could bring them back. I wish I could be small again. I wish I could again look at everything with the wonder and curiosity filled with the innocence of a child, happy to be lost in atoms, divided by numbers, joined again by the melody of poetry and flown high into the sky into the infinitude of time and space which my little eyes, hands and mind perceived with wonder and amazement.

Call Me

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Bald is Beautiful!!!

Last weekend I went to a Cosmetic Surgeon to check what it needs to have a hair-transplant, how it is done, how much it costs etc. The doctor unequivocally refused to do my hair-transplant. The reason - The hair-density in my donor area was very poor. The donor area is the area of your body (normally the back of the head, where even baldies usually have some hair) from where the tissue is removed to be implanted on your hairless top. The doctor didn't seem interested in any other donor area. I also didn't bring it up, thinking that he knew better.

He then started telling me how I can cut my hair to look best. I suddenly realized that he was not just a hair-transplant surgeon, but was actually a cosmetic surgeon. His job was not just to grow hair at places where people lost it (usually the head), but also to make people look better. He also did face-lifting and certain other things, besides growing hair. I had gone there to find out the possibility of growing some hair on my head - long, short, noodles, tendrils, curls, whatever - just some damn hair, coz some of my near-and-dear ones have been suggesting getting it done, otherwise no good girl would happily accept getting married to me. It made sense to me too. I'll pass on my genes to my kids, and they'll also lose hair. So I'd be a poor choice for a hubby. Of course transplant does not alter my genes in any way and my kids would be equally vulnerable even if a hair-transplant gets me hair. However it does alter the way the girl would see me while taking a marriage-decision, even if I tell her that the hair on my head has been surgically implanted. It would improve my chances and might encourage the girl the take some risk, as nothing is readily apparent in this case.

If the purpose of our existence is to produce the best progeny, then I might lower down my kids' scores at being the best, unless they inherit my wife's hair. Everything else is pretty fine in me. I am quite immune to diseases, am working on my intelligence (which seems to be improving fast), am sensitive, caring, honest and trustworty, which means that I can take care of my wife and kids better and more reliably. I'm also good in bed and am enormously creative when it comes to sex. I am strongly and strictly against dowry. And as someone said, bald heads are the next stage of evolution coz all futuristic movies have bald characters. So if the current social perception of baldness - which makes a bald person psychologically weak in competing - changes, then chances are that people like me would be the most preferred daddies women would choose for their kids.

The social perceptions about baldness are not likely to change very soon in India. I have seen lots of clean-shaven heads in the US though. And since anything American is seen with awe in India, I have some reason to be optimistic.

However, if things don't change, and my kids have poor donor areas too, there are other good and even better options which will come up in future. The Stem-Cell research has been quite successful and gives a lot of hope. It will make it possible to generate tissues of required density from donor areas with scanty hair. It's an amazing technology and will certainly open up newer, far-reaching and revolutionary ways of making our lives better. There are a lot of social and religious impediments to its surge forward, but I am sure they'll all be overcome, given its immense potential.

Therefore, with so many options - hair-transplant, Stem Cells, etc. I think even the worst case scenario is not too bad. 20 years back, even girls with spects had a hard time getting a good husband. Now, spects isn't a matter at all. Just like contact lenses, and laser therapy - which can help you get rid of glasses forever, hair-transplant and related techniques are very much within reach of the common man. Hair-transplant costs Rs.40,000-50,000 ($1000-1250) in India, which is almost the cost of an average two-wheeler and is permanent and reliable too. I personally don't really think one must give so much importance to looks, but a lot is hard-wired inside us and we do tend to get affected and also affect others when we get opportunities. For those of us at the receiving end, some of us get used to it, some of us compromise, some of us learn to overcome all the pain it causes and learn to be happy with what we have got, and some of us don't get affected at all. The last category are real insensitive maniacs, and must be rare.

Having said that, I should nonetheless add that quite a few girls of my age and younger have told me that I look good with the fully shaven head - the great Indian Takla - I've sported since 23-July-07. That may or may not be a genuine compliment, but I surely feel more comfortable with a clean-shaven head. For one, I don't have to carry a comb all the time, and keep combing once every half hour. I also don't need to worry about my hair-style and about whether the patches of scanty hair are visible. I don't need to align my head this way or that to show or hide the good or bad parts of my head. I also feel more cool and confident. Who needs the dead matter on top anyway! It serves no purpose. I think that's a logical reason why it will be lost as the next step of our evolution. The new mantra for me - Bald is Beautiful!!!