Blogging into darkness

Once upon a time, the reason I blogged was to be read, understood and agreed to. Now I blog just to speak into the darkness, coz blogs are hardly read these days. And it's satisfying, albeit in a strange and inexplicable way. It's perhaps for the same reason that people wrote personal diaries, more commonly about 20 years back. I remember those movies where one's diary acted as a great source of useful information for solving criminal cases after his/her murder... sound funny when I think of those now.

When I moved my blog from o3.indiatimes to livejournal and later to blogger, I stopped enjoying blogging as I was hardly read and commented on. Back then, I used to feel it was no use writing volumes when nobody was gonna read. And eventually a few comments with agreement and appreciation would be the least I should get in return for the effort of writing - that's how I thought. I guess I sought acceptance for my thoughts, my feelings and, well, me.

But over the years as my blog has moved and matured to some extent, so have I, to some extent. Writing for me now has become a way of feeling that connection with myself. When I connect my thoughts into a chain and give it meaningful ends with anchor and grip, I sometimes manage to tie down an idea, that I find beautiful. Sometimes, it's still loose chains of ideas, but if I am able to see links, deliberate or incidental, I still feel happy coz I always struggle with my mind that continuously throws too many bits and pieces of creative or real images that fail to have a sequence of relevant and connected snapshots. Writing helps me force my mind to go back repeatedly and produce focussed and aligned thoughts based on which I can draw tangible conclusions about stuff of life. The natural randomness built into my thinking, however, makes me creative in interesting ways. I just need to capture each of the random thoughts and build on it, possibly by writing about it! And writing into this darkness called blog works quite well as a way to experiment with ideas.

And if I want some post of mine to be read or noticed, I post a link to it on facebook, and I do get a few hits, often driven by subconscious curiosity lost before my page opens in an adjoining browser. Still, I do have a way of turning on a twinkling star in the dark sky. And that's all the hope I need to go on staring into space and wondering about all that is, or is not. And ya, with a pen in my hand and a page to run it on... metaphorical, of course...