I love singing. It is an ability that is inborn and instinctive in me. Back in the 80's and 90's when I was a kid and lived in the Railway colony in Bilaspur, I had a secret life of my own where I would instantly pick up any Bollywood number that fell on my ears - the lyrics would be imprinted on my mind which would set it up for me with the tune. I'd sing it out - loudly, when nobody was listening to me, and in my mind, when I didn't want to be heard. I dreamt of going to Mumbai when I grew up and trying my luck in Bollywood. Udit Narayan was my guru, like Dronacharya was of Ekalavya. I learnt all my singing by listening to his songs. His voice mesmerized me, and I tried to copy him.
Fast-forward a few years and I was in IIT Bombay. I was selected - rather volunteered and didn't get rejected - to sing in the chorus for a bunch of songs in the Performance Art Festival (PAF), where hostels 8 (my hostel) and 10 (the UG girls hostel at that time) were together going to perform a play. It was called Asakt, and the team had chosen quite a few nice songs to be included at various points during the play - So gaye hain from the movie Zubeidaa, Hillele jagjor duniya by the band Indian Ocean, Dhuaan dhuaan from the movie Mission Kashmir, O nadiya jahaan teri rukh jaaye - don't know the source of this beautiful song. Except for the first song, the rest of them were to be sung by a male - KK, a 5th year senior was going to sing all of them. I, GP and a few girls from H10 were the chorus-team, and formed part of the overall music team. Being in the music team was a big advantage for a freshie, as now he didn't have to do the prod work, which included carrying long bamboo sticks around for making the sets and all the stuff for the backdrops, etc. - basically slogging all nights doing whatever the seniors asked him to do. But it was seen and, I guess, indeed was a good opportunity to network with the seniors, if you really cared for that.
The music team also had 2 guitarists - Kedar and Srinath, and a lady who played the Synthesizer and also sang the song So gaye hain. Sorry to have forgotten names of all ladies here. I remember the guys' names as they were from my hostel and I had further associations, not so strong, with them during my later years at IITB.
I envied KK as he was the lead singer for so many songs. He sang very well - was probably the best singer in the campus at that time - and was probably a trained singer. He played many instruments too. And in addition, it was his last year at IITB, and his last chance to sing his heart out and be heard at that scale. He truly deserved it. He was the music director for the show.
Being clubbed with a girls hostel, H8 guys had a unique opportunity that year - to work with the girls, and it was supposed to be fun. The girls didn't do much of prod work which involved lifting weights and setting them up. So that part of the job had to be mostly taken up by the guys - who must have cursed the lottery or whatever that led to us getting paired with the girls hostel. But from the perspective of winning in the competition, partnering with girls gave a competitive edge for sure as their contribution in cast, acting, script and music is unmatched otherwise by guys. And when girls are around and watching, guys perform better too.
I was an extremely shy and introverted kind those days, and had a tough time acting cool or talking to guys who seemed cool or whose first language was English. The music team seemed like full of such guys and girls. I didn't have much of a concept of conversation, communication, sense of humor and flirting in English, which for me was purely a language for official purposes, exams, lectures, letters and emails. I am a shade better now, having seen and dealt with more of the world over the years, but I can still be seen replying in Hindi when someone who I know speaks Hindi well but still asks me something in English. And in addition, I don't like mixing languages when talking... so that confuses my blabber even more.
This music team had daily practice sessions for many hours starting after dinner and till late in the night. The venue was a small room at the back of the B-wing of H8 designated as music room. While the lead singers and the guitarists had a lot on their plate having to practice all the songs and the music, the chorus-team was relatively idle. Me and GP used to go on time each day.
GP used to be highly enthusiastic about this. He would look excited, engage well with the seniors and explicitly wish for the success of the show - and looked, and am sure was, quite genuine. I, on the other hand, was always disinterested, bored, indifferent, silent, introverted, disengaged and lost. And I am hardly ever able to successfully express my strong wish of anything becoming successful, coz deep down I am often okay even if things screw up. This would be good for a saint, but for normal humans, wanting something strongly helps one achieve it. And expressing it well helps build the team spirit.
When the chorus-team's turn came to sing during the practice sessions, I'd sing along with GP and a couple of girls... some humming, some lines. I used to pour all the Udit Narayan I had in me into those few lines. But that's not how you sing in the chorus. You have to sing such that your voice blends softly with those of others and you hear one breezy sound. But I found singing in the chorus very boring and unmotivating. It felt like being in a herd where you have no individual identity or scope for recognition. More importantly there's no scope for putting forth your best performance and enjoying that moment. Any attempt at leaving a distinguishing mark for yourself is considered a mistake. And with that, you are expected to still draw some satisfaction in hope that some day you'll have your chance to sing in front.
The hope wasn't without a basis for me, as KK would pass out and a few years later, I was going to be in my final year, and if I was good enough, competitive enough and assertive enough of my seniority, I'd be allowed the lead position too. But I didn't find such a slow progression exciting, and didn't even participate in such events after my 1st year. I know that was stupid, but I did what I felt like. I did an even more conventionally stupid thing - I dropped out of the Surbahaar team (which did an orchestra every year), after getting selected in their auditions when I was in my 1st year at IITB and performing in that year. I did get 1 solo song to sing - Mai nikla gaddi leke from the movie Gadar - an Udit Narayan number - all for myself - along with 2 girls and 2 guys who sang the chorus... KK got 9 songs that year! But even the Surbahaar team did more than a month of practice and I couldn't enjoy all those long hours with that bunch of cool guys and gals for reasons mentioned above. And the thought of doing that every year didn't seem exciting to me. I signed out by not turning up the next year, and the team didn't seem bothered to ask me why. They might have noticed I was missing. Probably I didn't really matter the way I was. May be now I am more the kind of person who'd fit it. But if I stayed on somehow in the team that time, I could have benefited from the progression and got many more solo songs in the later years, and may be my personality would also have got upgraded for good. But I was stupid, lazy and careless - listened to my reluctant side.
Outside IIT, such progression is highly unlikely in the field of art. One doesn't generally see a guy singing in the chorus becoming a lead singer after some time. One doesn't also generally see dancers dancing behind hero or heroine in bollywood numbers becoming heros or heroines themselves. It rarely happens that someone starting his career as a comedian or a villain becomes a hero later on.
But in companies, most people do start their careers by being part of the 'chorus-teams'. However, unlike a musical piece, in offices one does have an incentive and encouragement to create a differentiation and recognition for himself/herself and work out a faster path to the top. And there is place for those who want to hide in the herd - out of choice or compulsion - and be lost without anyone knowing until someone notices a voice missing and to be filled in, or needing replacement.
In any case, chorus is still an important element of a melodious song, even if the singers in it don't get any credit and are left unknown. It's partially about the reference frame. The micro you go, you can identify leads within chorus, although not singing like it's a lead coz the singer also has a reference frame, and in that, he/she's part of a chorus. Go macro and leads may merge to form a chorus, albeit cacophonous coz their reference frame gives them a lead perspective. And of course, going micro and macro does not make much of sense if the listeners are also bound by their reference frame, like we are. So it's on the singer to break out of the choruses of life and be heard... by others and himself... the audience he/she chooses... and the song he/she sings!
