Any Clues?

I have been a Software Engineer for more than 2 years now. It has been a boring and uneventful tale of idle times in the life of a super-human :-). Life was different during my Engineering in a very well known technological institute of India. I did Civil Engineering from there. I used to be very good in Soil Mechanics. So much that I chose a very strict soil-mech-professor as my project-guide during my final year. I Had not known that soil==toil in Civil Engineering when I opted for a BTP in that field. I was carried away by 2 consecutive AA's in Soil Mechanics courses during my 3rd year. The 4th year was one of hard labour - doing compaction and stress-strain tests on soil - 70% Kaolin + 30% sand, referring to research papers, and tweaking the experimental readings so that my curves matched those by Karl Tarzaghi. Playing with soil was one of the many things I didn't do much as a kid. I had more than enough of it in college. God is very kind, isn't he?

I had the best times in school. I liked whatever I did. I wonder where I drew all the motivation from. Success was the mantra. Interest was not the motivating factor. It was the hunger for success. But it is no longer like that. One reason for this might be that success doesn't mean a lot to me any more. I am not so successful a person to think that I have achieved too much to ask for more. Material success really has no limits. I realize that my definitions of success have changed over time. I seek an internal satisfaction which is far beyond all material achievements. The realization of the self, the all pervading reality, the ultimate truth, the magic of the internal enlightenment - I believe will lead to an eternal happiness which cannot be matched by that attained by material comforts, which are short-lived and superficial. How does one achieve that eternal happiness? Any clues?

being Principle Centered

To become principle centred is one of my newest resolutions. Stephen Covey says that it's the best way to live happily. I have also realized that of late.

So let's think how to go about becoming principle centred. Firstly, I have to have a firm and correct set of principles which are not only "good" but also suitable to my personality. WoW!!! I have to first figure out my personality. I hate it when my friend Nilesh Kamble says "saale tu confused hai". For the benefit of the readers who do not understand Hindi written in English, Nilesh says: "Hey Brother-in-Law(specifically, wife's brother in this case), you are a confused person". Then I give him 103 arguments to prove that the whole bloody world is confused. He doesn't say anything. I get more confused.

Sometimes I wonder whether it is possible to have a set of principles and rigidly adhere to them. And also whether it is good to have such principles in the first place. Interestingly, I found that knowingly or unknowingly, each one of us has some principles. And we are so rigid on quite a few of them that we can never even imagine ourselves violating those rules set unconsciously by us for ourselves. I think as human beings we are programmed, with some part of it done before we are born and the rest happens as we go through life, with all the principles that eventually govern our actions. Very few indeed are conscious of this continuous process in which their mind is getting programmed. A few who do understand the code being written learn to have better control of all the loops and conditions. Such people end up shaping not only themselves but also the world in a better way. At the other extreme are those who lose all control over themselves, and fall into an unending darkness and at the same time, they try to pull down the world along with them. They do not have any control over themselves, they do not know their principles. Their emotions, feelings, actions, lives are driven by external factors, on which they have no control. In other words, they are not principle centred.

So I think being principle centred is to be conscious of one's principles and how they are shaped as one goes through his life. This consciousness, once attained by a person, further leads him/her to understand and control all aspects of his/her personality.

no EQ in Assam!!!

I'm flying to Bangalore tomorrow. Air Deccan, sasta tickets - 3300 to-and-fro. Isn't that great? Long time since I sat in a plane. Maza aayega!!!
Happy News - There was no EarthQuake in Assam this morning!!!

A Geologist in Tamil Nadu had predicted that there was to be a major EarthQuake in Assam this morning. His prediction was based on his study of more than 2000 EarthQuakes over many years and the planetary alignments when those EarthQuakes occurred. According to the Geologist, there was a 70% probability of the occurance of the EarthQuake. The Government and the People of Assam had taken the alert very seriously and did whatever they could so that the EarthQuake caused minimal damage.

The ground didn't shake. All Happy!!!

Man is helpless in front of Nature. Would be interesting to see where man will be, in terms of his abilities and powers, 1000 years from now.

why do girls make guys nervous?

Getting nervous in front of girls is a very common problem with most guys. I have often thought about the reason for this, but could never reach a good conclusion. There are many possible reasons...

Girls are confident. At least they appear to be. Particularly beautiful girls. Normally confidence is directly proportional to looks, at least for most girls. And who else would a girl want to intimidate with that confidence than the poor guys who always have an edge in terms of physical prowess. And confidence is the only weapon the girls have to fight men. Women defeat men by attacking right at their weakest spots - their minds. Women have evolved and learnt to increasingly use their brains while men have been continuing in their old ways. For various genetic and evolutionary reasons men are normally sharper than women. But now we have a new breed of women coming up. These women are not only sharp, but also smart and intelligent. They think and act in the right way to succeed. And they have also learnt how to take over the men. Men feel helpless sometimes. And hence they get nervous when they face women.

Another reason could be fear of underperforming. Men want to impress women. These are unwritten rules which we all follow. Men follow women, try to impress them, win their hearts, woo them...the reason is physical attraction...but the male ego is such that it can never accept rejection in stride...and the lurking fear of rejection is powerful enough to make a man nervous...And most cultures have traditionally given the right of choice and rejection only to men and so women are genetically programmed to accept rejections without much pain...But men are not...only now are they getting the taste of it...

Women are a beautiful sex. Men get attracted to them very easily. But men feel very inferior in front of beautiful women. This may be because of their low self-worth. But frankly, excess beauty is indeed intimidating to face.

Having said that, I believe that it's all in our minds. There is always some mental block that makes us nervous. We need to identify that and get rid of it. It needs some effort, but is not too difficult. We just need to look into ourselves. Most of us do not spend sufficient time on ourselves. That's why we carry these mental baggages with us all our lives and in the end, we die with sad unfulfilled lives behind us. Let's make things better. Let's live the best lives that we can.

i'll grow up...

I was born in a simple middle-class family. We were simple in the way we lived, we talked, we dressed, we dreamt, we laughed, we cried. Life was not always happy. But not many things were there to be sad about. We helped each other, we spoke the truth, we wept at our failures and celebrated our successes. Sometimes those successes pushed us out of the middle-class boundaries. Some of us who had such fortunes, never returned back. Should I call them misfortunes? I don't know...I'm yet to leap the boundary...

We do have contact with people on the other side though. They are not good people. We are good people. I am a good boy. The last few statements seem so childish. I know that. That's the magic of being a child. A child knows he's often silly in its thougths, yet doesn't hinder whatever enters and leaves its mind. I am no more a child. But I've not grown to an adult either. I think I should grow up. The people on the other side of the boundary are too wicked for a child to handle. Soon, I will.

Glued to the Monitor

These days I am glued to the computer for most of my waking hours. To give an exact number, on an average, for about 15 hours everyday, I look at nowhere else but the computer monitor. It is awful to think about, but it is true.

Though I am a Software Engineer and working on the computer earns me my bread and butter, but that is not the whole and sole reason why my eyes don't like watching anything else. These days I have foung a new hobby in reading stuff on the internet. I read lots of things nowadays. All kinds of things, ranging from news to blogs, gossip to science, etc etc. Sometimes I don't even care what I am reading, I just read whatever I happen to come accross. I click on any random link and believe me this habit has taken me to some of the most interesting places on the web.

The Internet has an incredible wealth of information, and I guess I realized this prettly late. For many years, chatting and email were almost the only things I was interested in the internet for. I knew there was a lot more on the web, lot of information for instance, but it hardly mattered to me. May be that phase had its own significance in that I now realize the importance of my time and resources more than I ever did.

The new generation of the internet is the most remarkable development in the cyber age. Earlier the web was like a huge textbook which anyone could read. There were authorized people who indiscriminately published those textbooks and made them available to anyone who was online. But now, we have more powerful tools available. Now any user can not only read on the web, he can also contribute his views and knowledge, he can edit websites (wikipedia), he can write his own articles and have them visible to virtually anyone online...that's what I am doing...it's wonderful...

My head is spinning...Need to sleep now...

i don't invest...

I don't invest my money anywhere. Many people find this weird. There are few people like me, who let their money stay still in a savings bank account. I also don't produce fake bills and travel tickets to make my allowances non-taxable. I also don't ask my landlord to write an incredibly high amount on the house-rent receipts to save tax on my House Rent Allowance. I also don't move my money into a fixed deposit so that I get higher interest on my money.

I keep hearing that for highest returns, invest in Equity, ie Share Markets. I tried thousands of times, but I don't understand that business a whole lot. It's way too complex for me. So I am scared of investing in shares. I don't like the concept of life insurance coz it constantly reminds me of my death. I don't want to care about it. And I don't want to block my money in any way. So I hate fixed deposits. And I don't worry a lot about little gain here and little loss there. So I am happy with the small rate of interest that a savings bank accout pays. Coz finally, I am getting an interest, so what if it is 3.5% and not 5%. Don't want to get into the intricacies of banking beyond that. I'm happy with what I've got. Love to keep things simple in life...