MunnaBhai Reloaded

Hi,

Wrote this play for Shilpee and her friends who provided me with the basic plot, and details of the characters. The story is inspired by the movies Lage Raho MunnaBhai and MunnaBhai MBBS and I have tried my best to bring the original MunnaBhai and Circuit into the characters in this play. Do read it with the original characters in mind, for best results :-)

This skit will be enacted and played tomorrow by NXP employees (in case they like it). NXP is a newly independent semiconductor company. It was originally a division of Phillips with the name Phillips Semiconductors and has recently been established as a separate entity.

Scene One...

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(Munna And Circuit in Phillips writing Java code to run semiconductor) 

Munna: e circuit, ye semiconductor mein locha hai re

Circuit: tension nai lene ka bhai, loop chalaneka do sau baar, garam hoinga, sab chalega bhaai

Munna: Tu mereko maamu samjha kya... arey jaane de re... chal jhanvi ko ek baar dekh ke aate hain 
Circuit: bhabhi!!! maii aate time dekha bhai...wo mere ko sharma ke hi bolne ki bhai...
Munna: are bhabhi ka pyar hai re

Scene Two...

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(At the Reception)

Circuit: Bhai maa bolne ki hamesha ladki se ijjat se baat karne ka

Munna: Bole to 

Circuit: Bhai dekh, ishtyle se jaane ka... serious moo banake bolne ka - Eskoose me... fir pata nai kya karne ka bhai...

Munna: Abe jhanvi ke saame jate hee apun ko kuch bolne koich nai hota re... sala apun yeda hai... chal wapas...

Circuit: Nai bhai himmat se kaam lene ka... aap jao bhai, mai idhar hai na, koi tension nai...

(Munna Goes to Jhanvi)

Munna: (Blushing) Wo... bole to... Escooose me!

Jhanvi: (pulling back her Lutt falling on her cheeks) Yes, How may I help you sir...

Munna: Wo Wo

Jhanvi: (Smiling) Munna, Kya hua?

Munna: Wo Wo, apun apna extension number poochne ko aayela hai.

Jhanvi: (Blushing) Munna, Tum Bhi...

(Munna Runs Away in tension)

Scene Three...

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(Munna Circuit at coffee machine taking coffee)

Munna: (panting) E Curcuit, apun se nai hoga re... wo Jhanvi apne gal se lutt ko nikal ke kaan ke picchu ghusati hai na rey, apun to usko dekhtaich reh jata hai re... aur uski wo smile... apun usse kabhi dil ki baat nai bol payega re...

Circuit: Kya bhai, himmat se kaam lene ka bhai... aap sahi jaa raele they bhai, itna ijjat to apun ki maa bhi nai sikhayi... bas thoda aur vinamrata se bol dene ka bhai, aise bhagega scene se to bhabhi pe impression down hone ka bhai...

Munna: Yaar, apun ka dil jor jor se dhadak raela tha, susu bhi lag raela tha...aise mein kya bolne ka kuch samjhta nai re...

Circuit: Bhai, lambi saans leke bol dene ka bhai...abhi dekho na bhai, agle week NXP alag hone ka Phillips se... fir bhabhi chali jayegi bhai...

Munna: (taken aback) Kya baat karr raela hai, ye tu abhi tak apun ko kai ko nai bataya...

Circuit: Bhai wo apun socha aap ko dukh hoga... But ab tension nai hai bhai, aap usse paile bhabhi ko sab bol do...

Munna: Saalaa...kai ko alag karr raele hain NXP ko Phillips se

Circuit: wo oopar ka aadmi log kuch locha kiyele bhai...

Munna: (loud and angry)Sala apun ka koi ijjat nai kya? jidhar mangta hai udhar daal diya... mai company ka whaat laga dega sala... 

Circuit: Bhai, thande dimaag se kaam lo bhai...

Munna: Ab bahut ho gaya sala... apun idhar kaam nai karega... jaake bol de Veenamrata(say it in mumbayya style) Greel se...apun bhi NXP jayega jhanvi ke saath...

Circuit: Mast Idea bhai...but apun ki maa bolne ki paile naya job lene ka, fir resign karne ka...

Munna: Chal fir, NXP ke HR ke paas...abhi-ich faiisla kar daalte...

Scene Four...

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(NXP office building)

Munna: Abe circuit, ye office to mast hai re...dekh iska color apun ke pant ke color se match hota hai...

Circuit: (Laughs histerically) Haan bhai, aur apun ki chaddi ke color se (HAHAHAHA)

Munna: E chup karr...

Circuit: Bhai apne ko Mr. India se milne ka hai, bole to idar ka HR Manager

Munna: isko poochte hain... (to chaprasi carrying tea cups tray) e, ye Meestar Indiya kidar baithta hai re

Chaprasi: Kai ko?

Munna: Bole to, apun ko ye company mein kaam karne ka hai...

Chaprasi: Kya kaam karne ka? (careless, busy, indifferent style)

Munna: Apun Software Engineer hai re...Semiconductor ka java program banata hai...(say in a proud way)

Chaprasi: (Laughs) Mai bhi sochta hoon Google join karr loon...

Circuit: (takes out chakku in style) hey hey chaaaila, tereko seedhe se poocha to chamakta nai kya...

(Suddenly Munna sees Gandhi foto on the wall, play "Raghupati raghav" song in background for some time) munna goes near gandhi foto, pranams it(show it for 1 min)... his mood changes totally...

Munna: E circuit, Gandhiji, bole to bapu bole bura na bolo...bole to ahinsa rey...ye chakku phek de circuit...

Circuit: Bhai kya bol raele aap? kal raat ki piyeli ab chadi kya bhai?

Munna: Arrey, bapu bole re...wo apun ko angrej log se ajadi dilaye...apun uskeeich baat nai maante re...Dekh wo foto se nikal ke aayele, kitna pareshan ho gaya bapu apna...apun ab uski harr baat maanega...

Circuit: (wonders, confused) bapu Kidar hai bhai

Munna: ye saamne re, dikhta nai kya tereko? (show gandhi character now, smiling calmly)

Circuit: (still confused, but gives up) haan haan bhai, ye hai na, saamneich, namaste bapu....kaisa hai?

Scene Five...

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Mr India (in sunil shetty voice): Nai Nai Nai, aap log kaise phillips se NXP join karenge. It is against the terms of the agreement. 

Circuit: (very violently) Teri agreement ki aisi ki taisi...

Gandhi (to Munna): Apni maangon ko shantipoorvak rakho, aur kabhi kathor bhasha ka prayog mat karo

Munna: E circuit, sunta nai bapu kya bol raele hain...shantipoorvak bol...(to mr India) dekh mister india, ye apun ka aur circuit ka resume, apun ko teri company mein kaam karne ka hai...tu ye padh ke apun ko bol apun kab join karega...aur dekh, tu jab tak apun ko lega nai, apun nai hilega idar se...

Gandhi: bahut khoob munna...LOL bakLOL...(says loudly)

Mr India: (sunil shetty voice) Meet Ms Vinamrata Gill, Phillips HR...(does a chutki and vanishes)

Munna: Ye to gaya re...ab apun kya karega

Gandhi: Vinamrata se milo...aur yaad hai na, ladies se ijjat se baat karne ka...he he

Munna: Haan bapu, e chal circuit, vinamrata ke paas...

Scene six...

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Vinamrata: (very stylish, speaks english all the time, semi american accent) yes, tell me.

Munna: wo bole to madam apun ko NXP mein naukri karne ka hai. But wo Mr. India hai na, wo apun se khunnas kha ke baitela hai...bolta hai terms of agreement se apun udar nai jaa sakta...

Vinamrata: Yes, unless u have a very genuine reason. Do u have any?

Munna: (blushes) wo bole to, wo jhanvi hai na, NXP ki receptionist, apun ko usse pyar ho gaela hai.

Circuit: arrey madam, paili baar bhai ko pyar hua hai...ab to udar jana managtaich hai...apun ko bhi, becoj bhair munna thair cirkeshwar!!!

Vinamrata: what crap! get lost.

Munna: (angry) Teri to...

Gandhi: Tehro munna, bhool gaye?

Munna: O sorry bapu. (to Vinamrata) Dekh Vinamrata, tu apun ko jaane de...apun tere se request karta hai...aur jab tak tu apun ko NXP nahi jaane degi, apun terese request karta rahega...sahi kaha na bapu?

Gandhi: bilkul sahi...sexy!!!

Vinamrata: you guys are sick.

(Munna takes out a rose from his pocket, and says "Get Well Soon")

Vinamrata goes out, a kid gives her flowers and says get well soon

Vinamrata sees TV, usme some man comes and says get well soon

on road there are demonstrations: get well soon vinamrata

everyone in office writes get well soon on their shirts

Scene seven...

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(jhanvi sees a chaprasi with get well soon on his shirt, asks him)

jhanvi: e kallu, kai zhala? ye get well soon kai re? 

chaprasi: wo bole to aap apun log ki bhabhi banne waali na. munna bhai fight maar rele NXP jaane ko. Aur wo Vinamrata nai jaane de reli.

jhanvi surprised. smiles by thinking about munna.

meanwhile munna passes...he sees jhanvi

Gandhi: Munna aaj bol hee do.

Munna: ok bapu...aashirwaad do.

Gandhi gives aashirwad

Munna: Jhanvi, wo bole to...

Jhanvi: (smiling, playing with her ear-rings) Kuch mat kaho munna...bass mujhe apne gale se laga lo...

(they hug)

one song. munna and jhanvi dancing - chhan chhan song from Munna MBBS

Scene Eight...

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Kabhibhishake: vinamrata, i am back from US. came back only for u.

Vinamrata: kya!

Kabhibhishake: yes, and i have joined phillips, so that we can stay together.

Vinamrata: O honey!

Kabhibhishake: And Vinamrata, look into my eyes... (long pause as they look into each other's eyes). Will you marry me..

Vinamrata: (tears, and joy...ultimate) (loud) yes. (they hug)

(after all hugging over)

Vinamrata: Kabhibhi, i did a big mistake, now i understand the value of being in love and being together. I must not stop munna from joining NXP.

Kabhibhishake: yes i know...i came to know about that...even i was going to say "get well soon". But thank god u realized before i said it.

Vinamrata: u naughty(hugs)...Thanks Jaan!

Scene Nine...

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Vinamrata: Jao Munna, go with your love.

(Munna very happy)

Gandhi: dekha munna, vinamrata ki taakat.

Munna: thanks bapu, thanks vinamrata

(everyone confused)

Circuit: Aur apun?

Vinamrata: Jahan munna, wahaan circuit... all laugh

Vinamrata goes and puts munna and jhanvi's hands together

curtain falls

Back-Neck-Pains

Wonder where this neck pain has come from. It sucks. I have a long neck and these days I have to walk with my head bent forward and a little down like that of tortoise and all gals laugh on looking at me. It sucks.

It started with a back-ache. God, what a back-ache it has been! Gradually however, a part of it has shifted to the neck and that's how I got the neck pain. I have become a joke of the town. My boss looks at me, runs his fingers through his hair, as if thinking deep, and makes the most intelligent guess of his life...I guess you have made it too...yes, that I got into wrong positions doing something something etc etc. Then I try hard to explain Sir, I'm good baccha, not doing all that...but he doesn't believe me...

It is hard to sit in the office like this staring at my desktop all day with this tortoise neck and teddy-bear back. However, I am not going to take any medicines. I have great confidence in the self-healing powers of my body. I'm going to be fine very soon.

Flashing news, my landlord raised my house-rent by 10% in line with the current market situation. I think I have to sacrifice my daily dose of Pani-Puri to pay the extra rent now. Nobody likes my eating Pani-Puri. Everyone asks me to get rid of the habit as if it's cocaine, not Pani-Puri.

Good Morning Pune-Maharashtra-India-Asia-World-Earth-Solar System-Milky Way-Universe-Cosmos. Nice Friday!

my first (and last) DANDIYA

mera ek room-mate tha IIT mein...bahut enthu se naachta tha daandiya. hostel ka dandiya tha...wo banda turant saj dhaj ke ek hot ladkiyon ke gang mein chala gaya naachne. mai door khada dekh raha tha. ladkiyaan bahut saari thi aur wo akela

so usne mujhpe taras khaake mujhe bula liya. so mai dande leke gaya...i never did that before...aur mujhe jo ladki mili she was like a fairy...itni sundar kabhi nahi dekha...mere hosh udd gaye!

mai jaake usko bola i didn't know how to dance...i never did before...she tried to teach me... steps, 1-2-3-4 etc...aisi ladki sikhayegi to kya khaak ghusega kuch dimaag mein...mai bass use dekhta reh gaya... wo 2-3 baar sikhayi. but still i cudn't dance beyond step-1

fir maamlaa serious hone laga...i was getting embarrassed and she was getting offers from all over from handsome guys...bande mujhe bhooke sher kee tarah dekh rahe they...that gal also wanted to go to them rather than wasting her time with me...but mujhe bura lagega soch ke she was trying to teach me...

fir maine hee bol diya ke rehne do...i go...and goed.

mai wapas jaake gallery mein baitha...wahaan ek moti ladki thi jisko pakka kuch nahi aataa tha...uske thhobde pe likha tha...i went to her and asked her if she wud dance with me...she said she didn't know how to...maine kaha mujhe bhi thoda thoda ata hai...fir maine uss ladki ko apne hisaab se kuch easy 1-2-3-4 steps sikha diye...

she was very tense...mere haath pe maarti thi danda hamesha...30 mins full concentration on sticks ke saath we danced...it was more like a jumping excercise....

uske baad uska bhi boy-friend aake usko le gaya.

bass, fir kabhi jurrat nahi kee hamne.

Any Clues?

I have been a Software Engineer for more than 2 years now. It has been a boring and uneventful tale of idle times in the life of a super-human :-). Life was different during my Engineering in a very well known technological institute of India. I did Civil Engineering from there. I used to be very good in Soil Mechanics. So much that I chose a very strict soil-mech-professor as my project-guide during my final year. I Had not known that soil==toil in Civil Engineering when I opted for a BTP in that field. I was carried away by 2 consecutive AA's in Soil Mechanics courses during my 3rd year. The 4th year was one of hard labour - doing compaction and stress-strain tests on soil - 70% Kaolin + 30% sand, referring to research papers, and tweaking the experimental readings so that my curves matched those by Karl Tarzaghi. Playing with soil was one of the many things I didn't do much as a kid. I had more than enough of it in college. God is very kind, isn't he?

I had the best times in school. I liked whatever I did. I wonder where I drew all the motivation from. Success was the mantra. Interest was not the motivating factor. It was the hunger for success. But it is no longer like that. One reason for this might be that success doesn't mean a lot to me any more. I am not so successful a person to think that I have achieved too much to ask for more. Material success really has no limits. I realize that my definitions of success have changed over time. I seek an internal satisfaction which is far beyond all material achievements. The realization of the self, the all pervading reality, the ultimate truth, the magic of the internal enlightenment - I believe will lead to an eternal happiness which cannot be matched by that attained by material comforts, which are short-lived and superficial. How does one achieve that eternal happiness? Any clues?

being Principle Centered

To become principle centred is one of my newest resolutions. Stephen Covey says that it's the best way to live happily. I have also realized that of late.

So let's think how to go about becoming principle centred. Firstly, I have to have a firm and correct set of principles which are not only "good" but also suitable to my personality. WoW!!! I have to first figure out my personality. I hate it when my friend Nilesh Kamble says "saale tu confused hai". For the benefit of the readers who do not understand Hindi written in English, Nilesh says: "Hey Brother-in-Law(specifically, wife's brother in this case), you are a confused person". Then I give him 103 arguments to prove that the whole bloody world is confused. He doesn't say anything. I get more confused.

Sometimes I wonder whether it is possible to have a set of principles and rigidly adhere to them. And also whether it is good to have such principles in the first place. Interestingly, I found that knowingly or unknowingly, each one of us has some principles. And we are so rigid on quite a few of them that we can never even imagine ourselves violating those rules set unconsciously by us for ourselves. I think as human beings we are programmed, with some part of it done before we are born and the rest happens as we go through life, with all the principles that eventually govern our actions. Very few indeed are conscious of this continuous process in which their mind is getting programmed. A few who do understand the code being written learn to have better control of all the loops and conditions. Such people end up shaping not only themselves but also the world in a better way. At the other extreme are those who lose all control over themselves, and fall into an unending darkness and at the same time, they try to pull down the world along with them. They do not have any control over themselves, they do not know their principles. Their emotions, feelings, actions, lives are driven by external factors, on which they have no control. In other words, they are not principle centred.

So I think being principle centred is to be conscious of one's principles and how they are shaped as one goes through his life. This consciousness, once attained by a person, further leads him/her to understand and control all aspects of his/her personality.

no EQ in Assam!!!

I'm flying to Bangalore tomorrow. Air Deccan, sasta tickets - 3300 to-and-fro. Isn't that great? Long time since I sat in a plane. Maza aayega!!!
Happy News - There was no EarthQuake in Assam this morning!!!

A Geologist in Tamil Nadu had predicted that there was to be a major EarthQuake in Assam this morning. His prediction was based on his study of more than 2000 EarthQuakes over many years and the planetary alignments when those EarthQuakes occurred. According to the Geologist, there was a 70% probability of the occurance of the EarthQuake. The Government and the People of Assam had taken the alert very seriously and did whatever they could so that the EarthQuake caused minimal damage.

The ground didn't shake. All Happy!!!

Man is helpless in front of Nature. Would be interesting to see where man will be, in terms of his abilities and powers, 1000 years from now.

why do girls make guys nervous?

Getting nervous in front of girls is a very common problem with most guys. I have often thought about the reason for this, but could never reach a good conclusion. There are many possible reasons...

Girls are confident. At least they appear to be. Particularly beautiful girls. Normally confidence is directly proportional to looks, at least for most girls. And who else would a girl want to intimidate with that confidence than the poor guys who always have an edge in terms of physical prowess. And confidence is the only weapon the girls have to fight men. Women defeat men by attacking right at their weakest spots - their minds. Women have evolved and learnt to increasingly use their brains while men have been continuing in their old ways. For various genetic and evolutionary reasons men are normally sharper than women. But now we have a new breed of women coming up. These women are not only sharp, but also smart and intelligent. They think and act in the right way to succeed. And they have also learnt how to take over the men. Men feel helpless sometimes. And hence they get nervous when they face women.

Another reason could be fear of underperforming. Men want to impress women. These are unwritten rules which we all follow. Men follow women, try to impress them, win their hearts, woo them...the reason is physical attraction...but the male ego is such that it can never accept rejection in stride...and the lurking fear of rejection is powerful enough to make a man nervous...And most cultures have traditionally given the right of choice and rejection only to men and so women are genetically programmed to accept rejections without much pain...But men are not...only now are they getting the taste of it...

Women are a beautiful sex. Men get attracted to them very easily. But men feel very inferior in front of beautiful women. This may be because of their low self-worth. But frankly, excess beauty is indeed intimidating to face.

Having said that, I believe that it's all in our minds. There is always some mental block that makes us nervous. We need to identify that and get rid of it. It needs some effort, but is not too difficult. We just need to look into ourselves. Most of us do not spend sufficient time on ourselves. That's why we carry these mental baggages with us all our lives and in the end, we die with sad unfulfilled lives behind us. Let's make things better. Let's live the best lives that we can.