Big Monkey

Symonds says Bhajji called him a Big Monkey. It is hard to believe that a sardar called a gora a Big Monkey. I can think of lots of Hindi gaalis that, if uttered quickly enough, would sound like Big Monkey in the Australian accent. Andrew Symonds has definitely misunderstood Bhajji's gaali. It is a cultural issue, actually. We Indians either swear by our genitals or abuse of incest. Calling someone a monkey doesn't mean abusing him/her. Monkey is our God. Jai Hanuman!. So let Bhajji play...for God's sake...

And what if Bhajji really called Symonds a Monkey? My girl-friend calls me a Monkey all the time. (I mean I'd imagine she would if she existed ;-)...) And actually I look like one. And so does Symonds. It is not at all a racial comment. It is a compliment, acknowledging our ancestral origins. Who stopped Symonds from calling Bhajji a Chimpanzee or Gorilla or Orangutan in return? Monkey-Monkey Bhai-Bhai! And Hisaab Baraabar too. The world would be a simpler place to live if everything worked the Indian way.

And what's the big deal if Bhajji called someone Monkey? God will punish Bhajji if he is really wrong. May God make him a Monkey in his next birth and Symonds a Sardar. We must ask Symonds to focus on his karma and not worry about the fact that somebody called him a monkey though he actually isn't. I can understand his problem. I also feel uncomfortable when girls call me a genius, coz I know I am not. But in Symond's case, it really does not matter, coz everyone knows Symonds is not actually a monkey.

Some SochVichaar on Business Networking

Business people are a funny lot. They are called Entrepreneurs. (The word is not pronounced as it is spelt. You have to try many times before you get the pronunciation correct the first time.) It is said that Entrepreneurship is all about Networking. Even a few entrepreneurs have told me that.

I attended the Pan-IIT meet last year. I wrote in one of my earlier posts about all of my blunders in the event. That was a surprize addition to the event by me, coz the Prime Minister could not attend it. The 3-day meet was actually meant for Business Networking. The meet was attended by many big-shots who had founded companies and many small-shots who wanted to or were just getting started. So the kids were after the uncles (very few aunties) hoping for business opportunities, monetary support, ideas or simply a pat on the back. Plus a relationship, that could be useful at some stage.

I was new to all this drama. Like everything new does on the first time I do it, Business Networking also made me nervous. I didn't have any intentions to network. I am normally one of those guys who think big and do nothing. Confident people and girls frighten me. But life is a continuous struggle to overcome one's fears and weaknesses. So just for the sake of it, I started doing what the intelligentsia called Business Networking.

One should not mix Business Networking and Social Networking, though. The latter is done only for fun, finding friends, meeting interesting people, make booze buddies, sex buddies, etc. Business Networking is more focussed at expanding ones Business Opportunities.

Since it was my first time, I had to observe how people were doing the Networking thing. My friend Prashant was with me too. Except for all the knowledge that he possessed about everything they write about in the Economic Times, he and I were more or less at the same level of uselessness. I spoke better English. He had better topics to talk about and more information to keep talking, but talking he was bad at.

We saw that those who network for business keep lots of business-cards to distribute. Being from Indian Oil, Prashant sucked all Sarkari suvidhaas and so had a big bunch of cards too. My company also provided such cards if I asked for those, but I had never cared to. This is another of my problems. I feel a little shy and awkward doing what I feel big people do, until I am convinced that I am big enough to do it, which happens when people younger than me start doing it. And there are a few things which are subconsciously categorized as big-people's things in my mind. It is a dynamic list and things get added and removed with time and experience, and based on the above criterion. Somehow I need to rid my mind of such a list and such way of looking at things, and understand that now I am big enough to do all kinds of things. Need to fix my head. Shaving off the hair didn't help much.

So with your Business Cards stuffed somewhere in your clothes from where you can easily pull one out (not a bad idea to keep the cards in something nice), you have to roam around and meet people (i.e., in a setting like the Pan-IIT meet, which is exclusively meant for Business Networking.) There'll never be a dearth of people to meet, and you will always find someone standing alone. The kind of people you go to is decided by the kind of person you are and how good you are at identifying the kind of people you would enjoy talking to or need to talk to. After some time, in most situations, all extroverts would be talking to each other and all introverts would be talking to each other. Both may be having great business skills, but this is where a personality issue does come in. Introverts do open up to each other, but are more honest, sensitive and respectful. Intermingling happens, but to a small extent. Introverts find themselves dominated by extroverts, and so often avoid their direct informal company.

So you meet someone, shake hands, introduce yourself, listen carefully to the other guy's introduction and exchange cards. Now you have to make a decision whether this guy is worth spending some time with. If you decide he is, then you have to very smartly build up a conversation in the direction of your interest. Needless to say, you must be clear and confident in what you are saying. If he isn't worth all that, then just move on and meet someone else. Of course, the same line of reasoning goes on in the other guy's mind too. He has his interests to take care of, based on which he will take his decisions and act accordingly. It makes sense to listen to him if he tries to build up a conversation and you have nothing of your own to force on him. If you find his points and direction of thought interesting and useful to you, then stay, otherwise, nature can call any time. Or simply move on, saying "It's nice meeting you! Will see you again!" You may add a small invitation saying - "Do look me up when you come to Hyderabad next time.", though it may not mean anything if nothing is working out. It would just sound courteous. But then, who knows, when someone could be of help in future. Isn't this what networking is all about? Not all of it is of immediate use to you. But these contacts may help you in future as you explore new territories.

Some do's and don'ts. Be neat, dress well and use a good perfume. Act confident, yet simple, down to earth and humble. Speak very very nicely to the ladies. Greet them with the best of your smiles and don't look anywhere except into their eyes. Display a good sense of humour in the conversations but don't crack stupid jokes. Don't be too stylish in the way you eat, drink and carry yourself, but you should follow the basic etiquette in everything. Don't drink a lot if liquour is also being served. Just drink a little to smoothen your mood, if you like. Stay calm and confident. If you drink in excess and start talking shit, you will only seem irresponsible and immature. Nobody would want to have a business relationship with someone with such first impression. If you are not sure how a particular dish is to be eaten and you think you may make a mess of it, then better don't take it. You are not there to hog free and tasty food. Eat light. Focus on your purpose and keep your eyes on your targets.

Try it out and let me know how it goes. Please send me any queries that you may have. I would be happy to help. I have never done any real Business Networking though!!! :D :P :-)

Fly-Zip

For 5 weeks, I was the Program Manager - Child Rights in an NGO. I became a big guy. Sala mai to saab ban gaya!!! Everyone was doing Salaam Namaste to me, even people double my age. I found it hard to make a serious thinking face those 5 weeks. I once visited schools to check whether the lady teachers were teaching properly. I was their big boss. Everyone seemed so happy on seeing me. All the Mams, the kids, everyone. I was so glad my visit brought smiles to their faces. All the ladies said that my visit made them very happy and asked me to keep visiting. I felt like a charmer. When I came back to my office after the visit, a guy took me to a corner and told me that my pant's zip was undone. Shit! Wonder how it came down. I ran to the restroom holding a notebook on the postoffice. Checked. A lot was getting revealed. It was a tight old formal pant I had pulled out from the suitcase and worn to match my big-boss status. As it was tight, it had got pulled apart at the fly to reveal more of the insides. I was embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror. I recalled all the smiling faces of the ladies and kids. Now everything was clear to me.

Here's an innovative solution to the problem of fly-zips sliding down. Check it out - the upside down fly-zip.

I quit the NGO job... for various reasons.

center vs centre

I came to know just now that there is absolutely no difference in meaning between the words center and centre. Not only did I get surpized when I discovered this fact, I also felt ashamed at having used both of them so far at different places with slightly different meanings on numerous occasions, and at having considered myself one heck of a linguist for such excuisite skill at using the right words at the right places. I had been thinking that center is the geometric mid-point of a circle; and centre is used to refer to locations where a specific activity takes place. Actually it's the same word for both of these meanings. The British spell it as centre and the Americans spell it as center. So it is good to stick to one of the two spellings (think which English is yours closer to - the British or the American!). "The difference between center and centre" has been asked a lot of times in various fora on the internet. Most answers state that there is no difference except for the way the Americans and the Britishers spell the same word. But I found one answer at Yahoo! Answers particularly interesting (thoughful and thought-provoking). It says: "This has to do with the two poles of the universe. Britain is the 'centre' of the universe, while America is the 'center' of the universe." (Did you know - when there's a quotation mark in the end of a sentence, the Americans put the full-stop before the quotation mark, and the Britishers put the full-stop after it! Check out: Wikipedia Full Stop) Also, check this out for a list of many English words spelt and used differently by the Americans and the Britishers. I hope there will come a time when another form of Enlgish - the Indian English - will also be recognized as one of the standard versions of the language. Till then, let's work on creating it!

Adult Content at Late-Night on TV

News: The I&B Ministry plans to allow adult content to be shown on TV between 11:30PM and 4:00AM. The I&B has put its proposed Content Code in the public domain, for people to comment on.

It sounds like a step in the right direction. It will help us open up to some obvious realities of our life. Many argue that we are not yet mature enough to handle it, blaming it on our culture. But we all wear masks and do it anyway. Is that maturity? I don't think so. We need to get rid of those masks and accept what we are.

Another good influence this step will have will be on the quality of adult content that we produce in India. Though youtube is full of Indian Adult content (thanks to the Mallu A-Industry), not much is Internationally recognized. The quality we generate suffers immensely because of our legal, mental and cultural restrictions. I can imagine that most of those programs we'll now see in those late night hours would be adult commedies. And I think that is perfectly fine, coz over the years I have felt that adult humour is enjoyed the most. (Many may want to argue against this fact though.) And some ooh-aah programs are always welcome. We don't ask for X-Rated stuff on TV, which is not necessarily good for adults too. I think the kind of regulatory norms youtube follows, pretty much makes sense for us too. Coz from where we are right now, it is the right extent of opening up that we can afford. A bigger leap might worsen things.

One problem, though, is - how are kids to be made to go and sleep when their parents watch stuff? You don't want to tell silly stories to the most curious age group. They'll never believe unless they check out themselves. And even if you are successful in doing that, one day or the other the kids will come to know. But I think this is a general issue with parenting. There are many other things which are hidden from kids until they grow big enough to understand them. I have no experience in parenting, so cannot comment on it. But I believe this part is the most tough to handle. Watching adult stuff on TV instead of the Internet or CDs/DVDs etc. is a very small change for the adults. And all adults have their choices of adult content, based on which they may or may not watch the stuff on TV. Many may want to continue their old ways. But I am sure we cannot shield the kids beyond a certain extent, which I think is pretty small. I am not sure what's the best way to handle this. I'd like to know readers' views on this problem and the topic in general.

Finally...

My Trip to the US - 12

4 days to go, and I will be out of the US. I have had wonderful times here - some of my best - many many moments which will always be fresh in my memory and will bring smiles to my face whenever I'll think of them. As always, it's not so much about the place that makes these 2 months special. It has much more to do with the people I've met here, the fun I've had with them, the beautiful experiences which made each day count.

I came here on a Business Visa. B1. The purpose - on paper - of my visit was to have "Technical Discussions" with our "Client" and their "Customers". The purpose as told to me was "Training" on MXERP application. Never had any discussions or underwent any trainings though. And actually, I had to work. And working here has been a big pain. The first day I was given a big cabin - an entire room for me. It had been a store-room for a long time and was emptied for me to sit and work in. I saw it as a great opportunity for timepass. First time in my life, I had an exclusive office for me. It was incredible.

The first time I met our client company's Manager - Steve Kumar, it was one great moment. We had been working with each other for over a year, communicating on phone almost on a daily basis. When I went in front of him the first time, he was totally perplexed. For about an hour, he could not talk to me properly. He used to stop in between our conversation, look out of the window and wonder for a minute. He finally decided to tell me what he was going through. He said he had actually pictured me as a very "flamboyant" person from my voice on phone. I was shocked to hear that. I am anything but "flamboyant". Of course the very reason why Steve was shocked was that he did not actually find me a "flamboyant" person. But how did my voice sound like that? May be it does, but this was the first time that someone made such a comment about my voice. It was good to hear though.

The next few days, Steve Kumar didn't turn up at the office. (Probably shocked by my appearance.) So it was mostly like working in India - full timepass. I insisted on eating my meals outside, inspite of repeated dadagiri by Sampath not to eat anything outside, his fundas that every edible thing in the US contains fish/chicken/beef/pork/meat and his pleas not to bhrasht my dharm. I defied his authority, just to prove a point. He didn't get it, but I am happy that I tried.

I made some great friends like Sudheer, Suraj and Abhilash. They are the people who made my stay in the US an experience of a lifetime. I went to pubs, movies and malls with them, watched American chiks (chaddi and top - the most common dress here for gals), shouted shit, cracked jokes, sang songs, laughed, played, danced and shared thoughts and feelings. Chicago trip was a wonderful experience. Navy Pier is a very nice place. It is my dream to sit at Navy Pier on the banks of lake michigan with my Apple MacBook (my jaan...bought it in the US) and go on writing whatever comes to my mind. I had never seen a place so crowded, noisy and soothing at the same time.

Did a lot of things for the first time - played tennis (even the very first time, I played like a professional...twisted my had in my very first serve...fell once and hurt my leg too...they still pain), ate meat without tears in my eyes (learnt to inhibit my mental inhibitions), drank on consecutive days, worked at mid-night when the client got angry on seeing me doing excessive timepass, spoke angrezi with angrez people (realized that my spoken englis is good), wrote an exam in Amrika, ate all my meals (including breakfast) on time, ate frozen and ready-to-eat food, took stands, made choices and expressed opinions on important matters, ironed all my clothes myself regularly, figured out a lot of things without any help, used paper (!!!), learnt to see the bright side of life!

Life is getting more and more interesting with each passing moment...I hope it stays that way even after I go back to India...