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Bald is Beautiful!!!

Last weekend I went to a Cosmetic Surgeon to check what it needs to have a hair-transplant, how it is done, how much it costs etc. The doctor unequivocally refused to do my hair-transplant. The reason - The hair-density in my donor area was very poor. The donor area is the area of your body (normally the back of the head, where even baldies usually have some hair) from where the tissue is removed to be implanted on your hairless top. The doctor didn't seem interested in any other donor area. I also didn't bring it up, thinking that he knew better.

He then started telling me how I can cut my hair to look best. I suddenly realized that he was not just a hair-transplant surgeon, but was actually a cosmetic surgeon. His job was not just to grow hair at places where people lost it (usually the head), but also to make people look better. He also did face-lifting and certain other things, besides growing hair. I had gone there to find out the possibility of growing some hair on my head - long, short, noodles, tendrils, curls, whatever - just some damn hair, coz some of my near-and-dear ones have been suggesting getting it done, otherwise no good girl would happily accept getting married to me. It made sense to me too. I'll pass on my genes to my kids, and they'll also lose hair. So I'd be a poor choice for a hubby. Of course transplant does not alter my genes in any way and my kids would be equally vulnerable even if a hair-transplant gets me hair. However it does alter the way the girl would see me while taking a marriage-decision, even if I tell her that the hair on my head has been surgically implanted. It would improve my chances and might encourage the girl the take some risk, as nothing is readily apparent in this case.

If the purpose of our existence is to produce the best progeny, then I might lower down my kids' scores at being the best, unless they inherit my wife's hair. Everything else is pretty fine in me. I am quite immune to diseases, am working on my intelligence (which seems to be improving fast), am sensitive, caring, honest and trustworty, which means that I can take care of my wife and kids better and more reliably. I'm also good in bed and am enormously creative when it comes to sex. I am strongly and strictly against dowry. And as someone said, bald heads are the next stage of evolution coz all futuristic movies have bald characters. So if the current social perception of baldness - which makes a bald person psychologically weak in competing - changes, then chances are that people like me would be the most preferred daddies women would choose for their kids.

The social perceptions about baldness are not likely to change very soon in India. I have seen lots of clean-shaven heads in the US though. And since anything American is seen with awe in India, I have some reason to be optimistic.

However, if things don't change, and my kids have poor donor areas too, there are other good and even better options which will come up in future. The Stem-Cell research has been quite successful and gives a lot of hope. It will make it possible to generate tissues of required density from donor areas with scanty hair. It's an amazing technology and will certainly open up newer, far-reaching and revolutionary ways of making our lives better. There are a lot of social and religious impediments to its surge forward, but I am sure they'll all be overcome, given its immense potential.

Therefore, with so many options - hair-transplant, Stem Cells, etc. I think even the worst case scenario is not too bad. 20 years back, even girls with spects had a hard time getting a good husband. Now, spects isn't a matter at all. Just like contact lenses, and laser therapy - which can help you get rid of glasses forever, hair-transplant and related techniques are very much within reach of the common man. Hair-transplant costs Rs.40,000-50,000 ($1000-1250) in India, which is almost the cost of an average two-wheeler and is permanent and reliable too. I personally don't really think one must give so much importance to looks, but a lot is hard-wired inside us and we do tend to get affected and also affect others when we get opportunities. For those of us at the receiving end, some of us get used to it, some of us compromise, some of us learn to overcome all the pain it causes and learn to be happy with what we have got, and some of us don't get affected at all. The last category are real insensitive maniacs, and must be rare.

Having said that, I should nonetheless add that quite a few girls of my age and younger have told me that I look good with the fully shaven head - the great Indian Takla - I've sported since 23-July-07. That may or may not be a genuine compliment, but I surely feel more comfortable with a clean-shaven head. For one, I don't have to carry a comb all the time, and keep combing once every half hour. I also don't need to worry about my hair-style and about whether the patches of scanty hair are visible. I don't need to align my head this way or that to show or hide the good or bad parts of my head. I also feel more cool and confident. Who needs the dead matter on top anyway! It serves no purpose. I think that's a logical reason why it will be lost as the next step of our evolution. The new mantra for me - Bald is Beautiful!!!

girls cellphones dinosaurs elephants homosexuality

Most girls (90%) end my calls by saying that they're getting a call from their home which obviously they have to take. Most of the remaining 10% tell me that they have some urgent work to take care of. A few even say they'll call me later, which they never do.
The most common excuse (70% of the cases) made by girls for not picking up my calls is that they were sleeping when I called. Every girl has a bag (and interesting stuff in it), and so also the obvious excuse that the cell-phone was in the bag and she didn't hear the ring. And a significant percentage (close to 5%) even pretend as if they didn't realize I had called, until I asked. 

I don't know which gene makes girls so stingy and tight-fisted. It may be an interesting area of research. But stingy and tight-fisted they certainly are, particularly when it's their own money. And mobile service providers have exacerbated this trait of girls by offering life-time validity recharges for prepaid mobile phones. It's like a dream-come-true for many girls. Now they keep 1-2 Rupee balances on their prepaid mobile numbers, just enough to give missed-calls to anyone (read guys). And yes, not many girls keep postpaid numbers. Postpaid weakens their position, and rules out many of the standard excuses which empower them in the mobile world. Another gene makes girls want to talk all the time. So consequently they want to keep talking, but don't want to spend. And yet another gene makes them hate other girls and like boys (I'm thankful to this gene, hoping it exists). And fortunately for girls, guys have their own genetic problems, which make them do silly stuff for girls, and also leave then so confused and dumb in front of girls that they are unable to talk anything, which makes them look like good listeners, which is perfect for girls. So girls give missed calls to guys, and the guys call them back instantly. I am sure evolution has played a big role in bringing things to this state of perfect harmony.

But once a girl expresses her interest in talking with a guy by giving him a missed call, guys get over-excited, thanks to another gene. They go out of control and start calling the girl without an invitation in the form of a missed-call. And this forces girls to make the excuses for ending calls or not picking them up. 

I have come accross a few girls who do not behave as per the above rules. Must be because of mutated genes. But I've not seen many guys who do not behave like I mentioned above. 

I am curious how Dinosaurs had sex. They were so big. I am sure they caused earthquakes during intercourse. The possibility of volcanic eruptions as a result of such events cannot be ruled out. I'm wondering whether this could be the actual cause for their extinction.

Here's an interesting piece of information - Elephants indulge in a lot of homosexual activity, both male and female elephants. Here's what wikipedia/elephant says:
African as well as Asiatic males will engage in same-sex bonding and mounting. Such encounters are often associated with affectionate interactions, such as kissing, trunk intertwining, and placing trunks in each other's mouths. The encounters are analogous to heterosexual bouts, one male often extending his trunk along the other's back and pushing forward with his tusks to signify his intention to mount. Unlike heterosexual relations, which are always of a fleeting nature, those between males result in a "companionship", consisting of an older individual and one or two younger, attendant males. Same-sex relations are common and frequent in both sexes, with Asiatic elephants in captivity devoting roughly 45% of sexual encounters to same-sex activity. 

That's interesting. So homosexuality isn't all that unnatural. Why do we humans see it as an aberration. Why are we so reluctant in accepting it as a natural phenomenon?

It's Money Honey

The stock markets have been quite volatile lately due to fears of a recession in the United States. Everyone wants to withdraw his/her money from the markets. Many have suffered huge losses during the past 2 weeks. All kinds of experts have come up with all kinds of theories to explain the turmoil. It's funny to see what happens when people try to find pattern in chaos.

Many Indian astrologers have blamed the bearishness of the market on the bronze bull outside the BSE. The BSE authorities got the thing made and set it there very recently as a symbol of the bull-run that the Indian markets had been enjoying over the past few months. I heard one Jyotishi say on AajTak that a bull outside the Stock Exchange is highly inauspicious, because the bull signifies the Nandi, Lord Siva's ride and with Siva not around, Nandi is bound to get restless. I guess that attracted Siva, the destroyer to come and decimate the stocks.

Many small investors got severe shocks leading to mental depression, nervous breakdown (NBD) and heart problems as they saw their money sinking on the 22nd and 23rd of this month. There was panic all over. I tuned in to News channels on TV to listen to their analyses and understand what's the real problem with the markets. What I gathered after listening to all of them for 2-3 days was that nobody knew for sure about the reasons for the market mayhem (bloodbath, plummet, plunge...). Probably there was no single reason. The blame was put mainly on 2 factors - the fear of an economic recession in the US and the loss of liquidity due to the Reliance Power IPO. The former had pulled all the Asian stock markets to their long time lows. And it looked as if the Indian stock market followed suit. And thereafter, it has been so volatile that if it falls for half the day, it rises for the remaining half.

I am not an investor, but from what I see people doing, it seems a handful of investors take decisions on how the markets should behave (based on factors like the ones mentioned above and also perhaps on baseless assumptions sometimes) and a few others follow them, and when together they create a minor trend, the majority gets swayed by it, thereby consolidating it. And then, there are investors who always think and act opposite to what everyone else is doing, at any point in time. All that for making money...

But some people do more, a lot lot more. France's Société Générale was taken by shock last week when a 31-year-old trader named Jérôme Kerviel accepted placing $70 bn in secret, unauthorized derivatives trades hitting the bank with a $7.2 bn loss, the biggest ever caused by a rogue trader. If you understand how that happened, and what exactly happened, then you have a fantastic knowldge of finance. I don't.

I am very bad in matters of money. I find a lot of usual things quite meaningless. I don't find it very exciting or interesting either to save or to invest. My friend Lugai and almost all of my female friends (who know that I don't invest) call me a fool, coz I don't invest, and try to coerce me to do it. Lugai even uses terms like "Capital Appreciation" to make it look sensible to me. But I am either too lazy to put my brains to it, or am too dumb to grasp it at one go. I also lack an internal urge to do it, which probably comes from my inability to find meaning in it.

Besides being meaningless, money irritates me in many ways. I hate to see articles which mix currencies, but these days we find it all over in the Indian Financial Dailies. Revenues are reported in Dollars and Profit in Rupees (or vice versa). Lacs & Crores, and Millions & Billions the very next moment. I get confused sometimes when I see numbers, whether to read them as Lacs/Crores or Millions/Billions. The commas help sometimes, but only if whoever writes cares to put them in the first place. As an Indian, I have been living all the time with such mixtures of all sorts - Telugu at home, Hindi outside, English with girls (unless she is kind enough to try Hindi) and in office. My mind has to handle the same information in different ways, and then have some way of correlating and comparing, so that finally I have pure data which my mind can interpret in it's basic language, which I am not sure exists. But my mind now is too unplastic to handle new forms of such complexity. I cannot think in terms of Dollars and Rupees at the same time, nor in terms of Billions and Crores. I cannot read $2000 as 2000 Dollars - I see the $ sign first, I'd want to read it first.

These are just minor problems when I compare these to the total incomprehensiblity of all the Finance which everyone seems to be playing with these days - Shares, Derivatives, Options, Futures, Hedge Funds, blah, blah, blah... Long ago, I used to consider myself a normal human being with an average intelligence and average physical abilities. I haven't got a chace to test all my physical abilities as yet, and there is still hope. But my intelligence disappoints me big time when I see everyone doing Finance and I find it hard to grasp. Perhaps people do stuff without any understanding. Perhaps they fake knowing the stuff too. But I find it impossible to fake, with my limited knowledge. Don't know how others do it, if at all they do. Perhaps faking is another ability which I lack. Perhaps I am too masculine to be able to fake well.

The RBI is meeting today to review the credit policies and decide on that for the future. Many business people, who talk economics, are asking for an interest-rate cut by the RBI, in line with the 75 basis-points cut by the Federal Reserve of the US. The Fed is also going to meet by the end of this month and is likely to cut the rate further. These days the markets rise and fall based on speculation as to whether the Fed will cut the rates or it won't. Silly. I recently read the book The Age of Turbulence by Alan Greenspan, the former Fed Chief. And what I gathered from the mota book is that the main job of the Fed (or the RBI) is to play with the Interest Rate figure to keep the inflation and the money supply in control. Excess money (caused by very low interest rates) will lead to inflation. High interest rates which lead to less money supply will slow down the economic activity. So the real challenge is to keep the inflation in control and at the same time manage as much economic pace as feasible. There are too many variables, known and unknown, that govern. And therefore, it is almost impossible to get at the right figure to achieve the best economic health at any point. Historical data and trial-and-error help. No wonder all the biggest banks got their calculations so wrong thereby leading to the subprime mortgage crisis. It is affecting the lives of millions, and many say there is a lot more which is yet to come. The banks themselves have registered huge losses. Well, seeing the best of the banks in the world with the best of the people goof up so badly in handling their money, I am forced to conclude that nobody understands money well enough.

Money is our own invention. It has made life easier as we grew in numbers and needed to distribute the scarce resources of the earth fairly among ourselves. But it seems like it has grown in ways that have complicated the concept of money and the associated matters. Money has also changed our lives more than anything else. But now, I am not sure whether money is making life easy or it's making it more difficult and complex. I cannot confidently proclaim the former, for sure.

Big Monkey

Symonds says Bhajji called him a Big Monkey. It is hard to believe that a sardar called a gora a Big Monkey. I can think of lots of Hindi gaalis that, if uttered quickly enough, would sound like Big Monkey in the Australian accent. Andrew Symonds has definitely misunderstood Bhajji's gaali. It is a cultural issue, actually. We Indians either swear by our genitals or abuse of incest. Calling someone a monkey doesn't mean abusing him/her. Monkey is our God. Jai Hanuman!. So let Bhajji play...for God's sake...

And what if Bhajji really called Symonds a Monkey? My girl-friend calls me a Monkey all the time. (I mean I'd imagine she would if she existed ;-)...) And actually I look like one. And so does Symonds. It is not at all a racial comment. It is a compliment, acknowledging our ancestral origins. Who stopped Symonds from calling Bhajji a Chimpanzee or Gorilla or Orangutan in return? Monkey-Monkey Bhai-Bhai! And Hisaab Baraabar too. The world would be a simpler place to live if everything worked the Indian way.

And what's the big deal if Bhajji called someone Monkey? God will punish Bhajji if he is really wrong. May God make him a Monkey in his next birth and Symonds a Sardar. We must ask Symonds to focus on his karma and not worry about the fact that somebody called him a monkey though he actually isn't. I can understand his problem. I also feel uncomfortable when girls call me a genius, coz I know I am not. But in Symond's case, it really does not matter, coz everyone knows Symonds is not actually a monkey.

Some SochVichaar on Business Networking

Business people are a funny lot. They are called Entrepreneurs. (The word is not pronounced as it is spelt. You have to try many times before you get the pronunciation correct the first time.) It is said that Entrepreneurship is all about Networking. Even a few entrepreneurs have told me that.

I attended the Pan-IIT meet last year. I wrote in one of my earlier posts about all of my blunders in the event. That was a surprize addition to the event by me, coz the Prime Minister could not attend it. The 3-day meet was actually meant for Business Networking. The meet was attended by many big-shots who had founded companies and many small-shots who wanted to or were just getting started. So the kids were after the uncles (very few aunties) hoping for business opportunities, monetary support, ideas or simply a pat on the back. Plus a relationship, that could be useful at some stage.

I was new to all this drama. Like everything new does on the first time I do it, Business Networking also made me nervous. I didn't have any intentions to network. I am normally one of those guys who think big and do nothing. Confident people and girls frighten me. But life is a continuous struggle to overcome one's fears and weaknesses. So just for the sake of it, I started doing what the intelligentsia called Business Networking.

One should not mix Business Networking and Social Networking, though. The latter is done only for fun, finding friends, meeting interesting people, make booze buddies, sex buddies, etc. Business Networking is more focussed at expanding ones Business Opportunities.

Since it was my first time, I had to observe how people were doing the Networking thing. My friend Prashant was with me too. Except for all the knowledge that he possessed about everything they write about in the Economic Times, he and I were more or less at the same level of uselessness. I spoke better English. He had better topics to talk about and more information to keep talking, but talking he was bad at.

We saw that those who network for business keep lots of business-cards to distribute. Being from Indian Oil, Prashant sucked all Sarkari suvidhaas and so had a big bunch of cards too. My company also provided such cards if I asked for those, but I had never cared to. This is another of my problems. I feel a little shy and awkward doing what I feel big people do, until I am convinced that I am big enough to do it, which happens when people younger than me start doing it. And there are a few things which are subconsciously categorized as big-people's things in my mind. It is a dynamic list and things get added and removed with time and experience, and based on the above criterion. Somehow I need to rid my mind of such a list and such way of looking at things, and understand that now I am big enough to do all kinds of things. Need to fix my head. Shaving off the hair didn't help much.

So with your Business Cards stuffed somewhere in your clothes from where you can easily pull one out (not a bad idea to keep the cards in something nice), you have to roam around and meet people (i.e., in a setting like the Pan-IIT meet, which is exclusively meant for Business Networking.) There'll never be a dearth of people to meet, and you will always find someone standing alone. The kind of people you go to is decided by the kind of person you are and how good you are at identifying the kind of people you would enjoy talking to or need to talk to. After some time, in most situations, all extroverts would be talking to each other and all introverts would be talking to each other. Both may be having great business skills, but this is where a personality issue does come in. Introverts do open up to each other, but are more honest, sensitive and respectful. Intermingling happens, but to a small extent. Introverts find themselves dominated by extroverts, and so often avoid their direct informal company.

So you meet someone, shake hands, introduce yourself, listen carefully to the other guy's introduction and exchange cards. Now you have to make a decision whether this guy is worth spending some time with. If you decide he is, then you have to very smartly build up a conversation in the direction of your interest. Needless to say, you must be clear and confident in what you are saying. If he isn't worth all that, then just move on and meet someone else. Of course, the same line of reasoning goes on in the other guy's mind too. He has his interests to take care of, based on which he will take his decisions and act accordingly. It makes sense to listen to him if he tries to build up a conversation and you have nothing of your own to force on him. If you find his points and direction of thought interesting and useful to you, then stay, otherwise, nature can call any time. Or simply move on, saying "It's nice meeting you! Will see you again!" You may add a small invitation saying - "Do look me up when you come to Hyderabad next time.", though it may not mean anything if nothing is working out. It would just sound courteous. But then, who knows, when someone could be of help in future. Isn't this what networking is all about? Not all of it is of immediate use to you. But these contacts may help you in future as you explore new territories.

Some do's and don'ts. Be neat, dress well and use a good perfume. Act confident, yet simple, down to earth and humble. Speak very very nicely to the ladies. Greet them with the best of your smiles and don't look anywhere except into their eyes. Display a good sense of humour in the conversations but don't crack stupid jokes. Don't be too stylish in the way you eat, drink and carry yourself, but you should follow the basic etiquette in everything. Don't drink a lot if liquour is also being served. Just drink a little to smoothen your mood, if you like. Stay calm and confident. If you drink in excess and start talking shit, you will only seem irresponsible and immature. Nobody would want to have a business relationship with someone with such first impression. If you are not sure how a particular dish is to be eaten and you think you may make a mess of it, then better don't take it. You are not there to hog free and tasty food. Eat light. Focus on your purpose and keep your eyes on your targets.

Try it out and let me know how it goes. Please send me any queries that you may have. I would be happy to help. I have never done any real Business Networking though!!! :D :P :-)

Fly-Zip

For 5 weeks, I was the Program Manager - Child Rights in an NGO. I became a big guy. Sala mai to saab ban gaya!!! Everyone was doing Salaam Namaste to me, even people double my age. I found it hard to make a serious thinking face those 5 weeks. I once visited schools to check whether the lady teachers were teaching properly. I was their big boss. Everyone seemed so happy on seeing me. All the Mams, the kids, everyone. I was so glad my visit brought smiles to their faces. All the ladies said that my visit made them very happy and asked me to keep visiting. I felt like a charmer. When I came back to my office after the visit, a guy took me to a corner and told me that my pant's zip was undone. Shit! Wonder how it came down. I ran to the restroom holding a notebook on the postoffice. Checked. A lot was getting revealed. It was a tight old formal pant I had pulled out from the suitcase and worn to match my big-boss status. As it was tight, it had got pulled apart at the fly to reveal more of the insides. I was embarrassed to look at myself in the mirror. I recalled all the smiling faces of the ladies and kids. Now everything was clear to me.

Here's an innovative solution to the problem of fly-zips sliding down. Check it out - the upside down fly-zip.

I quit the NGO job... for various reasons.