Laajvanti - Software Engineer 2.

Maher Iqbal, my room-mate comes home pretty late by Satyam standards; he reaches home at around 9.00PM. He works in HSBC, handles software development processes there. But that day, he came back early...8.00 PM.

Maher: (as I opened the door) Hi.
Me: Hi.
Maher: Kya karr raha hai?
Me: Kuch khaas nahi bey. TV pe kuch dekh ke kuch soch ke kuch aur soch raha tha.
Maher: HaHa. Aur pehla din kaisa tha? Koi mili?.
Me: Haan bey. Mili ek gulti.
Maher: Kya baat karr raha hai. Mili bhi to ek gulti?.
Me: Abey nahi, ye maal hai.
Maher: Hmm. Kuch gulti ladkiyaan maal bhi hoti hain!!! Reddy hogi.
Me: Pata nahi, surname nahi poocha.
Maher: To kya kiya?
Me: Abey usko ghar drop kiya tha. But saala uske hostel ke saamne hi bike gir gayi, aur uske saath mai bhi.
Maher: Wo to nahi giri na?
Me: Shukar hai wo nahi giri. Wo pata nahi kaise kood ke khadi ho gayee.
Maher: Phir kya boli?
Me: Mai turant udhar se bhaag gaya.
Maher: HaHaHa. Saale tera kuch nahi ho sakta...
Me: Oh.
Maher: Kya Oh? Accha bol khana khane kahan chalte hain? (The usual question)
Me: Pata nahi. Kahin bhi chal. (The usual answer)
Maher: Subway chalein?. (Another usual question)
Me: Abey nahi, mujhe wo accha nahi lagta.(Another usual answer)
Maher: Phir kahaan? KFC?. (Yet another usual question)
Me: Abey kahin aur chalte hain, KFC mein mai kya khaunga? (Yet another usual answer)
Maher: Needs? (Needs is a sasta Punjabi restaurant in Begumpet)
Me: Haan chal.

The next day I got up at around 10 in the morning. Maher had already left for office. Still on the bed, I looked up at the fan and my cellphone started ringing. The call was from a new number. I picked it up.

Me: Hello?
Caller: Can I talk to Sridhar?
Me: Yes, speaking.
Caller: Hiii. How are you?
Me: I'm fine. Who's this?
Caller: I'm Laajo. Remember?
Me: (A sudden chill ran all over me...) O ya. How did you get my number?
Laajo: Abbaa!!! I got it from eSupport.
Me: eSupport? What is eSupport?
Laajo: It is Satyam's internal site, from where you can get details about everyone. Our details have already come there. Remember we filled all those details in Virtue?
Me: (My head was spinning) Ok. So you have internet in your hostel?
Laajo: Yaa re. My room-mate is also from Satyam know. She told me all this.
Me: Oh. That's great. Hey, I am sorry about yesterday. The bike went out of balance.
Laajo: No re, it's ok. Happens. Why did you go away like that?
Me: I was upset.
Laajo: Chumma you go upset. The road only was not good. Lot of bikes fall there, with guy and gal also. In our case I did not fall na. So you did fine.
Me: HaHa. Thanks for being so nice.
Laajo: Shut up. Mental you are. Ok, when are you coming to pick me up?
Me: (Couldn't believe what I heard) You mean for office?
Laajo: No, for my funeral! Of course for office man.
Me: We have to report at 2.00 PM na?
Laajo: Yes. So you come here by 1.00 PM. We will reach there by 1.20.
Me: Why so early?
Laajo: Arey stupid, we'll have lunch after that... 1.20 to 1.50. And 10 minutes is for anything unforseen which may happen.
Me: Hmm. Like falling somewhere?
Laajo: Offo! Can't you think better things? There may be a traffic-jam also.
Me: I'm sorry. I'll pick you up at 1.00. Ok?
Laajo: Ok. See you then. Tata.
Me: Tata.

My heart started thumping dum dum dum. I could not think anything for a while. I tried to control myself by taking deep breaths. Did kapaalbhati for 2 minutes. I felt better. Then I had some water, went to susu, stared absent-mindedly at my watch for 3 minutes, turned off the fan (don't know why), refreshed the desktop of my computer 20 times, unlocked and locked my cellphone 4-5 times, looked at myself in my small mirror and smiled...

I quickly brushed my teeth. Then shaved my face and put on the Denim aftershave I had never used (had preserved it for a special occasion like this). Then went for bath. As I emptied the first magga on my head, I realized I had not warmed the water. Then decided ki chalo aaj cold water se naha lete hain. As I was applying Pantene on my takla I felt glad that I had gotten the side wala hair shaven off the very previous day. So the takla was looking cool. (Or hot?)

After the shower, I sprayed my Addidas Deospray all over my body. Then got dressed and sprayed Addidas again all over my clothes. Then suddenly my eyes fell on my room-mate's imported perfume. I couldn't resist the temptation of spraying some of it on my armpits. I surrendered to the temptation. Sprayed it at a lot of places which I thought must smell good and then placed the perfume bottle back to where it was, at exactly the same spot and in exactly the same orientation.

I wore my best shirt and trousers. Took out a new pair of socks from my suit-case, cleaned my woodland shoes with a wet cloth, wore them. Took out from the suitcase the hanky which my mom had given me long back to use. Cleaned my pulsar with the wet cloth. Made sure the bike was shining all over. Chanted a Hanuman prayer in my mind. Then a Ram prayer. Than a Saraswati prayer. The one before-sleep prayer that I had learnt when I was a kid. Then 2 Ganesh prayers. Then ate 1 spoon Himani Sona-Chaandi Chyavanprash. The time was 12.50PM. And I was ready to leave.

Just as I started my bike, my cell-phone started ringing. It was Laajo.

Laajo: Hey, where are you?
Me: Outside my home. I am starting. I will be there in 10 minutes.
Laajo: Ok. Come fast. We need to go to Hyderabad Central before going to office.
Me: Central? Why?
Laajo: To get movie tickets.
Me: You can buy them online. Go to www.pvrcinemas.com
Laajo: I don't know all that. You come, we will quickly get the tickets and go to office.
Me: Ok. But which movie?
Laajo: You ask too many questions. And waste time. Why don't you come here fast. Idiot!
Me: Hey I can get the tickets and then come to your house. Central is closer to my house.
Laajo: That's a good idea. You make sense sometimes. Ok, get 2 tickets for Jodha Akbar, Sunday night show.
Me: 2 tickets? Sunday Night?
Laajo: Ya.
Me: Ok. See you.
Laajo: Listen, don't take if you get 1st or 2nd row seats.
Me: Ok. Fine.
Laajo: Now go fast. I am waiting for you.
Me: Bye.

I cut the call, put the mobile in my pocket, started the bike and headed towards Central which is at Punjagutta Circle. There was heavy traffic as usual at Nagarjuna Circle. As I was waiting for the traffic to clear, I started thinking - Who the hell was Laajo going to the movie with? That too night show! Did she have a boy-friend? Saala, who cud that be? And what wud they do after the movie? It was a long movie. Wud end around 1.00-1.30 midnight. - I was so engrossed in all those thoughts that I did not hear the honks of the car behind me until the guy from the car stepped out and gave me a jolt. I raised my eye-brows at him. Not sure whether he could see that through my helmet. I was so angry...with the guy and with Laajo. Took some deep breaths and tried to cool down. Then I started the bike and drove to Hyderabad Central. Still very disturbed. I was not feeling like buying the tickets. Still stood in the line at the ticket-counter. A sexy girl in a small skirt standing in front of me offered some distraction. But not for long. My anger kept coming back. I couldn't decide whether to buy the tickets or return back with an excuse. What could be a good excuse? I was confused.

 

To Be Continued...

Laajvanti - Software Engineer 1.

Laajvanti and I joined Satyam together. The moment I entered the common waiting area in Satyam's office in the Masha-allah building on the joining day - 21st November 2007, I saw Laajo, and I knew she was the one I'd like to spend the whole of my bench-life with. She was wearing a white kurta (or kurti?), an orange salwar and an orange chunni. She had shiny long black hair oiled and plaited gulti-style. She was so cute, I instantly fell in love with her. I went and sat on the chair by her side. Couldn't stop staring at her. She was uncomfortable. So I spoke -

Me: Hi, I'm Sridhar.
Laajo: I'm Laajvanti.
Me: Java?
Laajo: No, Mainframes. You Java aa?
Me: Yeah. But I know some JCL, COBOL, CICS, DB2 also. I learnt when I was in TCS.
Laajo: So you are from TCS aa?
Me: No. From Geometric Software, Pune.
Laajo: Accha.
Me: I was in TCS before that.
Laajo: How many years experience?
Me: 3.5 years. You?
Laajo: 3 years.
Me: Which company you were working previously?
Laajo: TCS.
Me: Yo! Ultimatix and all!
Laajo: Yes. How long you worked in TCS?
Me: 6 months.
Laajo: 1st company?
Me: Yes.
Laajo: You broke the bond!
Me: No. I paid the bond money and quit.
Laajo: Joking aa?
Me: Really, I paid. See I have the relieving letter too, from TCS. (Opened my file to show her the letter)
Laajo: Arey, it's ok re. How much you paid?
Me: 77k.
Laajo: O my God!
Me: Yes. I was too ethical.
Laajo: (Smiling) Too much. You were an idiot.
Me: (Embarrassed) Ya. I guess so.
Laajo: Did you get the medical examination done?
Me: Yes.
Laajo: (Smiling) What all they checked?
Me: What do you mean? (Wondering why she asked that. She couldn't possibly mean that...could she?)
Laajo: Forget it. (Still laughing)
Me: Ok. (Confused)
Laajo: I heard they will put us all on bench.
Me: Oh really? I'd love that.
Laajo: What? You are a strange person.
Me: Why?
Laajo: Who wants to be on bench? Everyone wants a project.
Me: Why do you want to work if you can get paid without working?
Laajo: Ayyo! You are really a psycho.
Me: Psycho? Why?
Laajo: Leave it. Where are you put up?
Me: What does that mean?
Laajo: Put up, as in, where do you stay in Hyderabad?
Me: oh! Banjara Hills.
Laajo: That's a costly area I suppose.
Me: Yes. But I am sharing with a guy, who has been staying there for a while. So the rent is low and then divided by 2.
Laajo: That's good.
Me: Where do you put?
Laajo: What do you mean?
Me: What did you ask me?
Laajo: O, 'where are you put up?'
Me: Yes Yes, that only.
Laajo: I am staying in a hostel in Ameerpet.
Me: That's close to where I stay.
Laajo: So?
Me: So... nothing. Just telling.
Laajo: (Smiling) Where are you originally from?
Me: Bilaspur, Chhattisgarh.
Laajo: But your name...
Me: I am gulti, basically.
Laajo: Don't you say gulti. I hate that word. Say Telugu. Dumbo. (Smiled)
Me: Hmm, so you are Telugu?
Laajo: Yes.
Me: But your name is North-Indian. How come?
Laajo: My mother liked this name. She put it.
Me: Oh. But why did she like this name?
Laajo: I don't know. Which place in Andhra?
Me: My par-dada was a cassanova in Visakhapatnam. (Laughed)
Laajo: Anta Scene Ledu Meeku.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: What oh?
Me: Whatever you said.
Laajo: Shut up.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: Stop it. (beats me on my hand, feels my shoulder and blushes)

Just then, my name was called by the HR guy. He wanted to verify my documents and give me my ID Card and Appointment Letter. I went to him, got the things done, and came back. I saw in his list that Laajo was next to be called.

Laajo: How come your name came so early?
Me: I am a lucky guy. Since you are with me, I can make your name come next.
Laajo: Very funny!
Me: I'm serious. There you go. Abra-ka-Dabra (I waved my had in the air. And the HR guy called Laajo.)
Laajo: Elated. You really are a psycho! Wait, I will go and come.
Me: Yeah! I am here.

Laajo went to the HR guy. He cracked some jokes. Sala, saw a beautiful girl and started flirting. I hate such guys. Laajo came back in 5 minutes.

Laajo: Hey, I'm done.
Me: Yo! Congratulations. We are Satyamites now. Satyamites Dynamites!
Laajo: Yes!
Me: Let's go out and celebrate.
Laajo: Ya. He said we may leave for the day. Tomorrow we have to report to some Basil Phillips at Harsha Towers near Karkhana in Secunderabad.
Me: Ya, Me too, same.
Laajo: Ok, I am very hungry. Let's go and have lunch.
Me: Ok, chalo.

We went to Banana Leaves restaurant just outside the office. Ordered 2 veg meals.

Laajo: So where do you eat? You cook?
Me: No, I eat outside.
Laajo: What do you eat?
Me: Anything.
Laajo: But that is bad for health na. Look how fat you are.
Me: (OOps! Embarrassed!) Ya, that's bad. I also skip meals. Very often.
Laajo: Why don't you cook?
Me: I don't feel like.
Laajo: Guys are all so lazy. When they are tired of eating crap, they marry. But they'll never cook.
Me: No, that's not true.
Laajo: Then what?
Me: I don't know.
Laajo: I know. You guys are sick. You treat girls like cooks.
Me: No. Cookers. Pressure Cookers. HaHaHaHa.
Laajo: That's a sick joke.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: You and your 'Oh'!
Me: So do you cook?
Laajo: No, not possible in the hostel. They give breakfast and dinner. I eat that. I am looking for a house. After shifting, I will cook.
Me: Oh.
Laajo: Oh. Oh. Oh. (Punching in the air towards my nose) I will break your nose.
Me: That would be so sweet.
Laajo: Ok Ok. Eat fast. Rassam is very nice here.
Me: Oh. I don't eat Rassam. I like sambar. Rassam does not have anything in it. It is water.
Laajo: As if you know! Now shut up and finish your meal. I'm done.

I finished. I paid for my meal. She paid for her meal. We came out of the restaurant.

Me: Now what is the program?
Laajo: I'll go home.
Me: Oh. Can I drop you?
Laajo: You have a car?
Me: No, a bike.
Laajo: Hmm. You drive well?
Me: Ya, but you have to sit with one leg on a side.
Laajo: How can you ask a girl to sit like that? It should be her choice how she wants to sit.
Me: I'm sorry. If you sit with both legs on the same side, I will find it hard at turnings and when we go slow.
Laajo: Whatever! I don't want to go with you.
Me: Hey, I'm so sorry. You can sit the way you like.
Laajo: But you just said you cannot drive properly if I sit with both legs on a side.
Me: Ya, I used to have a problem, but that was long back, about 4 months back.
Laajo: No girl sat after that?
Me: Many have, but all with one leg on each side. They all wore jeans.
Laajo: (Smiling) So you take many gals around on your bike?
Me: No No.
Laajo: What No No? You have many sisters?
Me: No No.
Laajo: Dumbo!
Me: Oh. (Smiled, didn't know what to say)
Laajo: Ok, I will sit with one leg on a side.
Me: Ok, I will get the bike from the parking.
Laajo: Which bike you have?
Me: Bajaj Pulsar 150 DTSi. Definitely Male!
Laajo: Wow, I love it. Now go.

As Laajo waited at the gate, I came out on the bike and stopped right in front of her. She climbed my bike from the left by stepping on the side-foot-support (whatever is the term for it) and with her left hand pressing on my shoulder and her right hand pulling the bottom part of her kurta up so that she didn't sit over that. The bike was bent by 45 degrees. I was scared we might fall. So was she. Finally she was behind me, and I set the bike up and stright with all my energy. She put her bag between me and her, to avoid any contact between me and her. Then she adjusted her Chunni - spread its middle part over her head (like Benazir Bhutto did), wound the rest around her neck and brought the ends in front of her, so that it didn't fly when the bike would move.

I put on my helmet. Then I started my Pulsar by pressing the auto-start button. I had been wondering whether I should kick-start to make it look more manly. But I had never tried the kick-start and was not sure whether it worked or not. So I didn't take the risk.

There was a lot of traffic. And Laajo was heavy. I had a hard time driving slowly through the traffing with Laajo sitting behind me. The handle was shaking all the time. But she was kind enough not to mock my driving. May be she was scared I would mock her weight.

Finally we arrived at her hostel. I stopped right in front of the gate. But as I stopped, I could not control the weight. The bike tilted to its right, and as it was falling, Laajo had her foot on the ground. She somehow got off the bike and stood as I fell down with it, unable to balance myself or the bike.

A few men, who were standing at the pan shop near by, came running. They lifted the bike. Though one man tried to lift me, I resisted and got up on my own. It was all so embarrassing. Impression ki whaaat.

Laajo asked if I was ok. I said I was fine, asked her to take care, started my bike, said 'bye' and quickly escaped from there. As I was driving from Ameerpet to Banjara Hills, I recollected all that had happened that day. It had been wonderful, until I drove Laajo home. I regretted having thought of dropping her. I felt she'd never speak to me again. She sat on my bike inspite of being told of my inability to drive properly. She expressed so much confidence in me. And I disappointed her. How would I face her again? She'd definitely not talk to me ever again - that's what I thought. But I was proved wrong the next day.

To Be Continued...

This is going to hurt just a little bit!!!

I was forced to visit a dentist thrice in the past one week. And in each one of those long moments that I thrived lying on the dentist's chair with my mouth stretched open for him to peek into and do stuff, the poem 'This is going to hurt just a little bit' by Ogden Nash kept coming into my mind. The humerous poem, which I read in my 10th Standard English Literature textbook, accurately captures the dreadful experience of visiting the dentist, and how inescapable and unavoidable it is, though each time you visit the damn place, you hope that it's your last time. Friends, here's the poem for you. Read and enjoy!

This is going to hurt just a little bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest,

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on,
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve in your head that you aren't being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs,
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.
And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it's all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget
that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn't because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse's hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it's all over now and after all it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.
And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest, That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition is so that he won't have to go to the dentist.

- Ogden Nash

I hope you noticed the pun in the vicious circle. It refers to the circular motion of the dentist's drill and also to the fact that you have to go to the dentist to keep your teeth in a good condition while the main reason you want your teeth in good condition is so that you don't have to go to the dentist. This poem was taught to us by Cherian Sir, and he really enjoyed explaining the Pun. I guess this was his favourite example to explain the figure of speech.

School days were beautiful. I wish I could bring them back. I wish I could be small again. I wish I could again look at everything with the wonder and curiosity filled with the innocence of a child, happy to be lost in atoms, divided by numbers, joined again by the melody of poetry and flown high into the sky into the infinitude of time and space which my little eyes, hands and mind perceived with wonder and amazement.

Call Me

Call me if you feel the need to talk to someone about anything. I am available 24x7 at: +919912893330

Bald is Beautiful!!!

Last weekend I went to a Cosmetic Surgeon to check what it needs to have a hair-transplant, how it is done, how much it costs etc. The doctor unequivocally refused to do my hair-transplant. The reason - The hair-density in my donor area was very poor. The donor area is the area of your body (normally the back of the head, where even baldies usually have some hair) from where the tissue is removed to be implanted on your hairless top. The doctor didn't seem interested in any other donor area. I also didn't bring it up, thinking that he knew better.

He then started telling me how I can cut my hair to look best. I suddenly realized that he was not just a hair-transplant surgeon, but was actually a cosmetic surgeon. His job was not just to grow hair at places where people lost it (usually the head), but also to make people look better. He also did face-lifting and certain other things, besides growing hair. I had gone there to find out the possibility of growing some hair on my head - long, short, noodles, tendrils, curls, whatever - just some damn hair, coz some of my near-and-dear ones have been suggesting getting it done, otherwise no good girl would happily accept getting married to me. It made sense to me too. I'll pass on my genes to my kids, and they'll also lose hair. So I'd be a poor choice for a hubby. Of course transplant does not alter my genes in any way and my kids would be equally vulnerable even if a hair-transplant gets me hair. However it does alter the way the girl would see me while taking a marriage-decision, even if I tell her that the hair on my head has been surgically implanted. It would improve my chances and might encourage the girl the take some risk, as nothing is readily apparent in this case.

If the purpose of our existence is to produce the best progeny, then I might lower down my kids' scores at being the best, unless they inherit my wife's hair. Everything else is pretty fine in me. I am quite immune to diseases, am working on my intelligence (which seems to be improving fast), am sensitive, caring, honest and trustworty, which means that I can take care of my wife and kids better and more reliably. I'm also good in bed and am enormously creative when it comes to sex. I am strongly and strictly against dowry. And as someone said, bald heads are the next stage of evolution coz all futuristic movies have bald characters. So if the current social perception of baldness - which makes a bald person psychologically weak in competing - changes, then chances are that people like me would be the most preferred daddies women would choose for their kids.

The social perceptions about baldness are not likely to change very soon in India. I have seen lots of clean-shaven heads in the US though. And since anything American is seen with awe in India, I have some reason to be optimistic.

However, if things don't change, and my kids have poor donor areas too, there are other good and even better options which will come up in future. The Stem-Cell research has been quite successful and gives a lot of hope. It will make it possible to generate tissues of required density from donor areas with scanty hair. It's an amazing technology and will certainly open up newer, far-reaching and revolutionary ways of making our lives better. There are a lot of social and religious impediments to its surge forward, but I am sure they'll all be overcome, given its immense potential.

Therefore, with so many options - hair-transplant, Stem Cells, etc. I think even the worst case scenario is not too bad. 20 years back, even girls with spects had a hard time getting a good husband. Now, spects isn't a matter at all. Just like contact lenses, and laser therapy - which can help you get rid of glasses forever, hair-transplant and related techniques are very much within reach of the common man. Hair-transplant costs Rs.40,000-50,000 ($1000-1250) in India, which is almost the cost of an average two-wheeler and is permanent and reliable too. I personally don't really think one must give so much importance to looks, but a lot is hard-wired inside us and we do tend to get affected and also affect others when we get opportunities. For those of us at the receiving end, some of us get used to it, some of us compromise, some of us learn to overcome all the pain it causes and learn to be happy with what we have got, and some of us don't get affected at all. The last category are real insensitive maniacs, and must be rare.

Having said that, I should nonetheless add that quite a few girls of my age and younger have told me that I look good with the fully shaven head - the great Indian Takla - I've sported since 23-July-07. That may or may not be a genuine compliment, but I surely feel more comfortable with a clean-shaven head. For one, I don't have to carry a comb all the time, and keep combing once every half hour. I also don't need to worry about my hair-style and about whether the patches of scanty hair are visible. I don't need to align my head this way or that to show or hide the good or bad parts of my head. I also feel more cool and confident. Who needs the dead matter on top anyway! It serves no purpose. I think that's a logical reason why it will be lost as the next step of our evolution. The new mantra for me - Bald is Beautiful!!!

girls cellphones dinosaurs elephants homosexuality

Most girls (90%) end my calls by saying that they're getting a call from their home which obviously they have to take. Most of the remaining 10% tell me that they have some urgent work to take care of. A few even say they'll call me later, which they never do.
The most common excuse (70% of the cases) made by girls for not picking up my calls is that they were sleeping when I called. Every girl has a bag (and interesting stuff in it), and so also the obvious excuse that the cell-phone was in the bag and she didn't hear the ring. And a significant percentage (close to 5%) even pretend as if they didn't realize I had called, until I asked. 

I don't know which gene makes girls so stingy and tight-fisted. It may be an interesting area of research. But stingy and tight-fisted they certainly are, particularly when it's their own money. And mobile service providers have exacerbated this trait of girls by offering life-time validity recharges for prepaid mobile phones. It's like a dream-come-true for many girls. Now they keep 1-2 Rupee balances on their prepaid mobile numbers, just enough to give missed-calls to anyone (read guys). And yes, not many girls keep postpaid numbers. Postpaid weakens their position, and rules out many of the standard excuses which empower them in the mobile world. Another gene makes girls want to talk all the time. So consequently they want to keep talking, but don't want to spend. And yet another gene makes them hate other girls and like boys (I'm thankful to this gene, hoping it exists). And fortunately for girls, guys have their own genetic problems, which make them do silly stuff for girls, and also leave then so confused and dumb in front of girls that they are unable to talk anything, which makes them look like good listeners, which is perfect for girls. So girls give missed calls to guys, and the guys call them back instantly. I am sure evolution has played a big role in bringing things to this state of perfect harmony.

But once a girl expresses her interest in talking with a guy by giving him a missed call, guys get over-excited, thanks to another gene. They go out of control and start calling the girl without an invitation in the form of a missed-call. And this forces girls to make the excuses for ending calls or not picking them up. 

I have come accross a few girls who do not behave as per the above rules. Must be because of mutated genes. But I've not seen many guys who do not behave like I mentioned above. 

I am curious how Dinosaurs had sex. They were so big. I am sure they caused earthquakes during intercourse. The possibility of volcanic eruptions as a result of such events cannot be ruled out. I'm wondering whether this could be the actual cause for their extinction.

Here's an interesting piece of information - Elephants indulge in a lot of homosexual activity, both male and female elephants. Here's what wikipedia/elephant says:
African as well as Asiatic males will engage in same-sex bonding and mounting. Such encounters are often associated with affectionate interactions, such as kissing, trunk intertwining, and placing trunks in each other's mouths. The encounters are analogous to heterosexual bouts, one male often extending his trunk along the other's back and pushing forward with his tusks to signify his intention to mount. Unlike heterosexual relations, which are always of a fleeting nature, those between males result in a "companionship", consisting of an older individual and one or two younger, attendant males. Same-sex relations are common and frequent in both sexes, with Asiatic elephants in captivity devoting roughly 45% of sexual encounters to same-sex activity. 

That's interesting. So homosexuality isn't all that unnatural. Why do we humans see it as an aberration. Why are we so reluctant in accepting it as a natural phenomenon?

It's Money Honey

The stock markets have been quite volatile lately due to fears of a recession in the United States. Everyone wants to withdraw his/her money from the markets. Many have suffered huge losses during the past 2 weeks. All kinds of experts have come up with all kinds of theories to explain the turmoil. It's funny to see what happens when people try to find pattern in chaos.

Many Indian astrologers have blamed the bearishness of the market on the bronze bull outside the BSE. The BSE authorities got the thing made and set it there very recently as a symbol of the bull-run that the Indian markets had been enjoying over the past few months. I heard one Jyotishi say on AajTak that a bull outside the Stock Exchange is highly inauspicious, because the bull signifies the Nandi, Lord Siva's ride and with Siva not around, Nandi is bound to get restless. I guess that attracted Siva, the destroyer to come and decimate the stocks.

Many small investors got severe shocks leading to mental depression, nervous breakdown (NBD) and heart problems as they saw their money sinking on the 22nd and 23rd of this month. There was panic all over. I tuned in to News channels on TV to listen to their analyses and understand what's the real problem with the markets. What I gathered after listening to all of them for 2-3 days was that nobody knew for sure about the reasons for the market mayhem (bloodbath, plummet, plunge...). Probably there was no single reason. The blame was put mainly on 2 factors - the fear of an economic recession in the US and the loss of liquidity due to the Reliance Power IPO. The former had pulled all the Asian stock markets to their long time lows. And it looked as if the Indian stock market followed suit. And thereafter, it has been so volatile that if it falls for half the day, it rises for the remaining half.

I am not an investor, but from what I see people doing, it seems a handful of investors take decisions on how the markets should behave (based on factors like the ones mentioned above and also perhaps on baseless assumptions sometimes) and a few others follow them, and when together they create a minor trend, the majority gets swayed by it, thereby consolidating it. And then, there are investors who always think and act opposite to what everyone else is doing, at any point in time. All that for making money...

But some people do more, a lot lot more. France's Société Générale was taken by shock last week when a 31-year-old trader named Jérôme Kerviel accepted placing $70 bn in secret, unauthorized derivatives trades hitting the bank with a $7.2 bn loss, the biggest ever caused by a rogue trader. If you understand how that happened, and what exactly happened, then you have a fantastic knowldge of finance. I don't.

I am very bad in matters of money. I find a lot of usual things quite meaningless. I don't find it very exciting or interesting either to save or to invest. My friend Lugai and almost all of my female friends (who know that I don't invest) call me a fool, coz I don't invest, and try to coerce me to do it. Lugai even uses terms like "Capital Appreciation" to make it look sensible to me. But I am either too lazy to put my brains to it, or am too dumb to grasp it at one go. I also lack an internal urge to do it, which probably comes from my inability to find meaning in it.

Besides being meaningless, money irritates me in many ways. I hate to see articles which mix currencies, but these days we find it all over in the Indian Financial Dailies. Revenues are reported in Dollars and Profit in Rupees (or vice versa). Lacs & Crores, and Millions & Billions the very next moment. I get confused sometimes when I see numbers, whether to read them as Lacs/Crores or Millions/Billions. The commas help sometimes, but only if whoever writes cares to put them in the first place. As an Indian, I have been living all the time with such mixtures of all sorts - Telugu at home, Hindi outside, English with girls (unless she is kind enough to try Hindi) and in office. My mind has to handle the same information in different ways, and then have some way of correlating and comparing, so that finally I have pure data which my mind can interpret in it's basic language, which I am not sure exists. But my mind now is too unplastic to handle new forms of such complexity. I cannot think in terms of Dollars and Rupees at the same time, nor in terms of Billions and Crores. I cannot read $2000 as 2000 Dollars - I see the $ sign first, I'd want to read it first.

These are just minor problems when I compare these to the total incomprehensiblity of all the Finance which everyone seems to be playing with these days - Shares, Derivatives, Options, Futures, Hedge Funds, blah, blah, blah... Long ago, I used to consider myself a normal human being with an average intelligence and average physical abilities. I haven't got a chace to test all my physical abilities as yet, and there is still hope. But my intelligence disappoints me big time when I see everyone doing Finance and I find it hard to grasp. Perhaps people do stuff without any understanding. Perhaps they fake knowing the stuff too. But I find it impossible to fake, with my limited knowledge. Don't know how others do it, if at all they do. Perhaps faking is another ability which I lack. Perhaps I am too masculine to be able to fake well.

The RBI is meeting today to review the credit policies and decide on that for the future. Many business people, who talk economics, are asking for an interest-rate cut by the RBI, in line with the 75 basis-points cut by the Federal Reserve of the US. The Fed is also going to meet by the end of this month and is likely to cut the rate further. These days the markets rise and fall based on speculation as to whether the Fed will cut the rates or it won't. Silly. I recently read the book The Age of Turbulence by Alan Greenspan, the former Fed Chief. And what I gathered from the mota book is that the main job of the Fed (or the RBI) is to play with the Interest Rate figure to keep the inflation and the money supply in control. Excess money (caused by very low interest rates) will lead to inflation. High interest rates which lead to less money supply will slow down the economic activity. So the real challenge is to keep the inflation in control and at the same time manage as much economic pace as feasible. There are too many variables, known and unknown, that govern. And therefore, it is almost impossible to get at the right figure to achieve the best economic health at any point. Historical data and trial-and-error help. No wonder all the biggest banks got their calculations so wrong thereby leading to the subprime mortgage crisis. It is affecting the lives of millions, and many say there is a lot more which is yet to come. The banks themselves have registered huge losses. Well, seeing the best of the banks in the world with the best of the people goof up so badly in handling their money, I am forced to conclude that nobody understands money well enough.

Money is our own invention. It has made life easier as we grew in numbers and needed to distribute the scarce resources of the earth fairly among ourselves. But it seems like it has grown in ways that have complicated the concept of money and the associated matters. Money has also changed our lives more than anything else. But now, I am not sure whether money is making life easy or it's making it more difficult and complex. I cannot confidently proclaim the former, for sure.